Question: The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives.
To what extent do...
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It is believed that science should be considered as a key to achieveachieving public wellborewell-being while I may acknowledge the reasons behind this view, I strongly disagree due to the variety of science and unwilling Consequencesunintended consequences of it.
To begin with, science has a majority ofaspects which they do not necessarily rely on individuals' life lives.Science often advances due to commercial interests or understanding the universe.The pursuit of knowledge is valuable even if it doesn't immediately improve lives.For example, space exploration may not directly impact on social life, but those who are in favorfavour of it believe the necessity of such knowledge cannot be neglected.Also, some scientific endeavors give way to promote the commercial, such as some cosmetic surgery or inception, which they have no effect on people's lives.
Moreover, despite the good-nature of science, some of it is widely useused for immoral goals. Sometimes the advancement of such science can serve as a determining factor for humanity.For instance, Nuclearnuclear technology, which is becoming one of the most concerning issueissues these days, is a potential danger to all kindkinds of living organisms. It is said that Professor Radvard, who discovered it, apologizedapologised to people when he realizedrealised the devastating nature of this power.
To sum up, it is unrealistic to expect all scientific advancements are aimed at improving people's lives as the number of them pursuepursues different purposepurposes and may even have harmful effecteffects on individualindividuals's life lives.
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Task Achievement
Response to the Prompt: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the role of science in improving people's lives. However, the response could be more balanced by acknowledging some positive impacts of science on human life, which would provide a more comprehensive view.
Position: The writer's position is clear, as they strongly disagree with the statement. However, the essay could benefit from a more nuanced stance that considers both sides of the argument.
Support and Development: The essay provides examples, such as space exploration and nuclear technology, to support the argument. However, these examples could be expanded with more detail to strengthen the argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organization: The essay is organized into paragraphs, each focusing on a specific point. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For instance, linking sentences or phrases could be used to connect the ideas more effectively.
Cohesion: The use of cohesive devices is limited. Words like "however," "furthermore," and "on the other hand" could help in linking ideas and paragraphs more cohesively.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary: The vocabulary used is appropriate but somewhat limited. The essay could benefit from a wider range of vocabulary to express ideas more precisely and effectively.
Word Choice: There are some awkward word choices, such as "public wellbore" which seems to be a typo or incorrect term. It should be "public welfare" or "well-being."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Sentence Structure: The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentences. However, some sentences are awkwardly constructed and could be rephrased for clarity.
Grammar: There are several grammatical errors, such as "a majority of aspects" (should be "a majority of aspects"), "unwilling Consequences" (should be "unintended consequences"), and "apologized people" (should be "apologized to people"). These errors can distract the reader and affect the clarity of the argument.
Overall Suggestions
Expand the Essay: The essay is slightly below the required word count. Adding more examples or elaborating on existing points could help meet the word count requirement.
Balanced Argument: Consider discussing some positive impacts of science on human life to provide a more balanced argument.
Proofreading: Carefully proofread the essay to correct grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. This will improve the overall clarity and readability of the essay.