Question: The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives.
To what extent do...
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Some people argue that the primary goal of scientific work should be enhancing the quality of people's lives. While improving human well-being is considerable, I disagree with the idea that it should be the most essential aim.
Scientific innovations can affect people's health conditions significantly. Improving human wellfarewelfare by makingcreating new medicines, better healthcare systemsystems, and treatments to defeatedefeat many harmful illnesses. When people consume these products, the possibility of getting sick declines, and therefore, the public health will improve. For example, during the COVID-19 pandemic, scientists saved many lives by discovering the crucial vaccine to alliviatealleviate this detrimental disease. Moreover, thechnologytechnology has become an essential part of our lives and made it easier by providing substantial opportunities, namely the Internet, which has made communicating with others faster through online applications.
However, I believe that science's boarders borders should not be limited to merely human lives. Science can be used for expanding our general knowledge about life and the world around us because there are nomorousnumerous questions remaining without any suitable answer toanswers for us. Finding new discoveries allows us to find answers forto these questions. For instance, space exploration has been a debate throughout history, and now we have more information about many planets, such as Mars or Venus, likeincluding the way they turn around orbitthe sun. These discoveries can expand morefurther as time passes, and more scientists do researchsconduct research and experiments.
In conclusion, science plays a significant role in improving people's lifelives by offering new medication to improveenhance their health conditions, but science should pursue more fundamental goals for expanding our understanding of our world.
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Task Achievement
Response to the Prompt: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument regarding the aim of science. It presents a clear stance, disagreeing with the notion that improving people's lives should be the most important aim of science.
Development of Ideas: The essay provides relevant examples, such as the development of the COVID-19 vaccine and space exploration, to support its arguments. However, the explanation of how these examples relate to the main argument could be more detailed.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organization: The essay is organized into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific point. The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the discussion.
Cohesion: Transition words and phrases (e.g., "for example," "moreover," "however") are used to connect ideas, but some transitions could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing health improvements to broader scientific exploration could be more seamless.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary: The essay uses a range of vocabulary related to science and its impact on human life. However, there are some spelling errors (e.g., "welfare" instead of "wellfare," "defeat" instead of "defeate," "alleviate" instead of "alliviate," "technology" instead of "thechnology," "numerous" instead of "nomorous," "researches" instead of "researchs").
Word Choice: Some word choices could be more precise. For example, "science boarders" should be "the scope of science."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Sentence Structure: The essay demonstrates a variety of sentence structures, which enhances readability. However, some sentences are awkwardly constructed and could be clearer.
Grammar and Punctuation: There are several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ("science boarders should not be limited" should be "the scope of science should not be limited") and missing articles ("a better healthcare system" instead of "better healthcare system").
Suggestions for Improvement
Clarify and Expand Ideas: Provide more detailed explanations of how the examples support the main argument. This will strengthen the essay's persuasiveness.
Improve Transitions: Work on making transitions between ideas smoother to enhance the overall flow of the essay.
Correct Spelling and Grammar: Pay attention to spelling and grammatical errors. Proofreading the essay can help catch these mistakes.
Enhance Vocabulary Precision: Use more precise vocabulary to convey ideas more effectively and avoid repetition.
By addressing these areas, the essay can better meet the IELTS writing criteria and present a more compelling argument.