Question: The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives.
To what extent do...
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There is a belief that improving people's lives is the main goal of science. I entirely disagree with this viewpoint, as in my opinion conserving our planet and education should be more important reasonsobjectives.
The first aim of science is educating people to raise their knowledge. There are a wide variety of sciences which can raise people's knowledge about the environment, by which they are surrounded. In other words, each science can enhance people's awareness onof specific knowledge. For example, psychological science plays a vital role in educating people to learn about people's interactioninteractions as well as their characteristics. Science,can also can clearly explain the reasons behind numerous phenomenon occurredphenomena occurring in our lives, leading to disasterdisastrous outcomes, including earthquakeearthquakes and volcanovolcanoes. In addition, this subject can encourage people to further knowledge gathering to overcome some challenges that are availablepresent. As a result, this lesson has a huge contribution to people's perceiving perception.
Another reason behind science could be conversationthe conservation of our planet. Nowadays, planet earth faceEarth faces several challenges, which have roots in people's activities. This subject empower scientistempowers scientists to recognize thisthese concerns, such as desertification, air pollution, global warming, and extinction of species, and discover the way waysto resolve them. There is a need to gathering scientistgather scientists in various fields, ranging from archeologyarchaeology and geologistgeology to chemistschemistry and physicistsphysics, to strive for earththe preservation of planet's preservation Earth. Science enables them to research and explore and then compare and analyze data, extracted from their investigationinvestigations. As a result, this can avoid adverse challenges.
In conclusion, while some opine that science is presented to boost people's lives, I do not agree. Science's goals might be to raise people's knowledge and avoid the destruction of earth planetplanet Earth.
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Task Response
Addressing the Prompt: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the role of science in improving people's lives and presents an argument against this being the primary aim. However, the essay could benefit from a clearer statement of the extent to which you disagree with the prompt in the introduction.
Development of Ideas: The essay provides two main arguments: the role of science in education and environmental conservation. These points are relevant but could be more explicitly linked to the prompt. For instance, you could elaborate on how these aims indirectly contribute to improving people's lives.
Examples and Support: The essay includes examples, such as psychological science and environmental issues, which help support the arguments. However, more specific examples or case studies could strengthen the argument further.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organization: The essay is organized into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific point. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For example, using linking words or phrases to connect the paragraphs would enhance the flow.
Cohesion: Some sentences could be better connected to improve the overall coherence. For instance, the transition from discussing education to environmental conservation could be more seamless.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, such as "phenomenon," "desertification," and "extinction." However, there are some awkward phrases, such as "this subject empower scientist," which could be refined for clarity.
Word Choice: Be cautious with word choice to ensure precision. For example, "conversation of our planet" should be "conservation of our planet."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Sentence Structure: The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, which is positive. However, some sentences are complex and could be simplified for clarity.
Grammar and Punctuation: There are several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement ("this subject empower scientist" should be "this subject empowers scientists") and possessive forms ("people' perceiving" should be "people's perceiving"). Attention to these details would improve the essay's accuracy.
Suggestions for Improvement
Clarify Your Position: Clearly state your position in the introduction and conclusion, specifying the extent of your disagreement.
Enhance Coherence: Use linking words and phrases to improve the flow between paragraphs and ideas.
Refine Language: Pay attention to word choice and grammatical accuracy to enhance clarity and precision.
Expand Examples: Provide more detailed examples or case studies to strengthen your arguments.
By addressing these areas, the essay can better meet the IELTS writing criteria and effectively communicate your perspective on the role of science.