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Question: The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do...

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In today’s globalized era, we cannot live without pursuing science. Although some feel that we should pursue it just for our own sake, I, however, firmly believe that the most important aim of science should be to improve mankind’s life in three main areas. Firstly, one important aim of followingpursuing science is technology. One important gadget for it is a smartphone. It is used all over the world as a wholefull-time technology device, and it is accessible every timeat all times. For example, with this handset people are able to access their bank account, and transfer significant amounts of money any time whenever they connect to Wi-Fi. Consequently, without commuting, not only do people have more time to spend with one another, but also this might be an efficient way of doing daily tasks. The second area is the environment. The more we pursue knowledge, the more we know about our planet. In other words, today we are more aware of the impacts of human activities on the environment. For example, the reasons why the thickness of the ozone layer is decreasing are obviousclear now, and as a result, we may be able to protect our planet for the next generation. The final and most important aim of science must be healthcare. Nowadays, gaining knowledge has improved the medical field in many respects, by providing modern treatments and new medicines. Take the plague as an example,; it caused too many deaths in the past before the invention of vaccination, but now the majority of children are vaccinated all over the world. Similarly, a certain number of diseases can be diagnosed before their onset so that they can be treated in the early stages. All of this being said, not only does science improve technology, but it also leads to better healthcare. Therefore, I completely agree that the most important aim of science should be to level up enhance people’s lives.
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Overall Band Score
7.5
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Task Achievement

  • Response to the Prompt: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the importance of science in improving people's lives. It clearly states the writer's position, agreeing that the primary aim of science should be to enhance human life.
  • Examples and Support: The essay provides relevant examples in the areas of technology, environment, and healthcare to support the argument. These examples are well-chosen and illustrate the points effectively.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Structure and Organization: The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific area where science improves lives, which helps in maintaining a logical flow.
  • Cohesive Devices: The use of cohesive devices such as "Firstly," "The second area," and "The final and most important aim" helps in guiding the reader through the argument. However, the transition between the introduction and the first body paragraph could be smoother.

Lexical Resource

  • Vocabulary: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, particularly in discussing scientific and technological concepts. Words like "globalized era," "accessible," "commuting," and "diagnosed" are used appropriately.
  • Precision and Variety: While the vocabulary is generally precise, there could be more variety in word choice to enhance the richness of the language used.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Sentence Structures: The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences, which adds to the sophistication of the writing.
  • Grammar and Punctuation: There are minor grammatical errors, such as "one important gadget for it is a smartphone," which could be rephrased for clarity. Overall, the grammar is accurate, and punctuation is used correctly.

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Introduction: Consider rephrasing the introduction to make the transition to the body paragraphs smoother. For example, "In today's globalized era, science plays an indispensable role in our lives. While some argue that its pursuit should be for knowledge's sake, I firmly believe that its primary aim should be to enhance human life, particularly in technology, environment, and healthcare."

  2. Variety in Vocabulary: Introduce more varied vocabulary to avoid repetition and enhance the essay's lexical resource. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "important," consider synonyms like "crucial" or "vital."

  3. Conclusion: Reinforce the main argument in the conclusion by summarizing the key points more explicitly. This will leave a stronger impression on the reader.

Overall, the essay effectively argues that the primary aim of science should be to improve people's lives, supported by relevant examples and a clear structure. With minor adjustments, it can be further enhanced.