Question: The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives.
To what extent do...
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Some contend that scientists should prioritizeprioritise improving people's quality of life. I completely agree with this statement.
Scientists might have different approaches towardto science, ranging from conservation programmsprogrammes to power seizing. One of the most important factors for one's overall well-being is having access to enoughsufficient food sources. This mentality urges people to seek resources among flourishedflourishing vegetation and well-developed animals. Some environmentalists, however, believe that animal rights hold equal importance in comparison to human needs; therefore, certain constraints are set in order to compel humankind to live in favour of other creatures, regardless of their own interests. Moreover, during challenging times, science can be enslavedexploited to privilege a nation over others. For instance, in war, governments oblige scientists to develop biological and nuclear weapons to bend components to their will. This approach not only hinders other communities' quality of life but also imposes unbearable pressure on scientists. Nevertheless, it is believed that science should aim for the most rational solution rather than considering humanity and people's preferences.
Although scientists have numerous ambitions, it is crucial to prioritizeprioritise people's pursuits to benefit both society and individuals. Taxpayers allocate a large proportion of scientific funds, entitling them to benefit from its results. Taxes should be used to provide adequate healthcare services and develop technologies that bring about convenience for humankind. This approach can motivate individuals to engage in the collaborative act of taxpaying. Additionally, research has provedproven that prioritizing otherprioritising others's needs and succeeding in meeting them offers optimal happiness. Helping other individuals can bring about a sense of unparalleled fulfillmentfulfilment that can not cannotbe compared to any other accomplishment in life. This feeling can foster one's mental well-being.
In conclusion, science has various responsibilities, among which upgrading individuals' lives is the most important motive.
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Task Achievement
Response to the Prompt: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by clearly stating an agreement with the idea that the primary aim of science should be to improve people's lives. The writer provides relevant examples and arguments to support this stance.
Position: The position is clear and consistently maintained throughout the essay. The writer explicitly agrees with the statement and provides reasons for this agreement.
Ideas and Examples: The essay includes relevant ideas and examples, such as the role of science in food security, healthcare, and technology development. However, the discussion on environmentalists and animal rights could be more directly linked to the main argument about improving human lives.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organization: The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph has a clear main idea that supports the overall argument.
Cohesion: The use of cohesive devices is generally effective, with appropriate transitions between ideas and paragraphs. However, some sentences could benefit from clearer connections to enhance the flow of ideas.
Paragraphing: The paragraphs are logically structured, but the second paragraph could be split into two to separate the discussion on environmentalists and the misuse of science in warfare for clarity.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with some sophisticated word choices such as "conservation programs," "privilege a nation," and "unparalleled fulfillment."
Word Choice: While the vocabulary is generally appropriate, there are minor errors, such as "flourished vegetation" which could be more accurately expressed as "abundant vegetation."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Sentence Structure: The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences, which enhances the readability and engagement of the text.
Grammar: There are minor grammatical errors, such as "programms" instead of "programs" and "bend components to their will," which could be more clearly expressed. These do not significantly impede understanding but should be corrected for precision.
Suggestions for Improvement
Clarify Connections: Ensure that all examples and ideas are directly linked to the main argument about improving human lives. For instance, the discussion on environmentalists could be more explicitly tied to how it affects human quality of life.
Paragraph Division: Consider dividing the second paragraph to separate distinct ideas for better clarity and focus.
Proofreading: Review the essay for minor spelling and grammatical errors to enhance accuracy and professionalism.
Expand on Ideas: While the essay is well-argued, expanding on certain points, such as the role of science in healthcare, could provide a more comprehensive argument.
Overall, the essay presents a clear and well-supported argument with room for minor improvements in clarity and precision.