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Question: Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines...

Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
It is argued that many people who suffer from health problems prefer to try alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their doctor. In my view, this is a negative development since it brings several potential problems and most of alternative medicines are not as effective as visiting a doctor. Trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their doctor might bring several detrimental effects. This means that, naive people might not be fully aware aboutof the concequencesconsequences of self-medication. It is because that they might not have profound knowledge about the devastating effects of medications. By way of example, during covidCOVID-19, many Iranian people tried to use several medical treatments, such as herbal medications, instead of shoting getting the vaccine, resulting in people facing several side- effects, such as brain diseases. Therefore, Byby replacing visiting a doctor with trying alternative medicines, people might encounter several health issues. Moreover, using alternative medicines might not bring long-term health benefits. It is possible that many people find them very effective since they may see their positive results quickly. However, the positive results might last for a short-term period, and after a while, they might struggle with health problems. For example, many people believe that mint can be useful for stomach ache,aches; however, mint is not considered as a main medication for stomach acheaches since its positive effects can maintainlast for a short- time period. As a result, people might not cure themselves by trying alternative medicines. In conclusion, I do not support the idea since replacing visiting a doctor with alternative medicines and treatments not only increases the risk of facing side- effects, but also alternative medicines might not cure poeplepeople for a long period.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
It is argued that many people who suffer from health problems prefer to try alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their doctor. In my view, this is a negative development since it brings several potential problems and most of alternative medicines are not as effective as visiting doctor.
It is argued that many people who suffer from health problems prefer alternative medicines and treatments rather than consulting medical professionals. In my view, this represents a negative development as it poses several risks, and most alternative treatments lack the efficacy of conventional medicine.
Trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their doctor might bring several detrimental effects. This means that, naive people might not fully aware about the concequences of self-medication. It is because that they might not profound knowledge about the devastating effects of medications. By way of example, during covid-19, many Iranian people tried to use several medical treatments , such as herbal medications, instead of shoting the vaccine, resulting in people facing several side-effects, such as brain diseases. Therefore, By replacing visiting doctor with trying alternative medicines, people might encounter several health issues.
Choosing alternative medicines over professional medical care may lead to detrimental consequences. Many individuals lack awareness about the potential dangers of self-medication due to insufficient knowledge regarding the severe effects of improper treatment. For instance, during the COVID-19 pandemic, numerous Iranians opted for herbal remedies instead of vaccination, which resulted in severe side effects, including neurological complications. Thus, substituting professional healthcare with alternative treatments may expose individuals to significant health risks.
Moreover, using alternative medicines might not bring long-term health. It is possible that many people find them very effective since they may see their positive results quickly. However, the positive results might last for a short-term period and after a while, they might struggle with health problems. For example, many people believe that mint can be useful for stomach ache, however mint is not considered as a main medication for stomach ache since its positive effects can maintain for a short-time period. As a result, people might not cure themselves by trying alternative medicines.
Furthermore, alternative medicines often fail to provide lasting solutions. While some people perceive them as effective due to immediate short-term relief, these benefits typically prove temporary. For example, although mint may offer momentary relief for stomach pain, it cannot replace proper medication as its effects are transient. Consequently, relying solely on alternative treatments may prevent individuals from achieving complete recovery.
In conclusion, I do not support the idea since replacing visiting doctor with alternative medicines and treatments not only increases the risk of facing side-effects, but also alternative medicines might not cure poeple for a long period.
In conclusion, I oppose this trend because replacing professional medical care with alternative treatments not only increases the likelihood of adverse effects but also fails to deliver sustainable health improvements.
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Overall Band Score
5.5
Overview
Vocabulary Range
average
Linking Words
average
Spelling
weak
Grammar Accuracy
average
Grammar Range
average
Cohesion
average
Paragraph Structure
average
Task Response
strong
Word Count
sufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

Feedback on the Essay:

Task Achievement:
The essay addresses the prompt effectively, presenting a clear stance that the trend of using alternative medicines is a negative development. The arguments are relevant and supported with examples, such as the case of Iran during COVID-19 and the use of mint for stomach aches. However, some points could be further developed for greater depth. For instance, the example of herbal medications during COVID-19 could be expanded to explain why vaccines are more reliable. The conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points but could be slightly more nuanced.

Coherence and Cohesion:
The essay is logically structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct idea, and transitions like "Moreover" and "In conclusion" help guide the reader. However, some sentences are awkwardly phrased or repetitive (e.g., "instead of visiting their doctor" is repeated). The flow could be improved by varying sentence structures and using more cohesive devices (e.g., "Furthermore," "On the other hand").

Lexical Resource:
The vocabulary is generally appropriate, with terms like "detrimental effects," "self-medication," and "long-term health" demonstrating a good range. However, there are some inaccuracies and awkward word choices (e.g., "naive people might not fully aware" should be "naive people might not be fully aware"; "shoting the vaccine" should be "taking the vaccine"). Some phrases could be more precise (e.g., "profound knowledge" might be better as "adequate knowledge").

Grammatical Range and Accuracy:
There are several grammatical errors that affect clarity, such as subject-verb agreement ("people might not fully aware"), incorrect verb forms ("shoting"), and missing articles ("the devastating effects"). Sentence structures are sometimes repetitive or unclear (e.g., "It is because that they might not profound knowledge"). More complex sentences and accurate grammar would improve readability and sophistication.

Suggestions for Improvement:

  1. Clarity and Precision: Revise awkward phrasing and grammatical errors (e.g., "naive people might not be fully aware of the consequences").
  2. Depth of Examples: Expand on examples to strengthen arguments (e.g., explain why vaccines are scientifically superior to herbal treatments).
  3. Variety in Language: Use synonyms and varied sentence structures to avoid repetition (e.g., "alternative therapies" instead of "alternative medicines").
  4. Proofreading: Carefully check for errors in verb forms, articles, and prepositions.

Overall, the essay presents a coherent argument but would benefit from improved grammar, vocabulary, and elaboration of ideas.