Balang
  • Home
  • Speaking
  • Blog
lemon logo
Balang is committed to revolutionizing language learning, empowering individuals worldwide to achieve their aspirations through innovative technology and personalized education.
Terms of ServicePrivacy PolicyRefund Policy
Contact
Email
telegram logo
Telegram

Question: It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their perso...

Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
It is true that taking risks is important for individuals in their professional lives and their personal lives. In this essay, I am going to present the drawbacks and benfitsbenefits of this phenonmenphenomenon. I beilievebelieve that the disadvantages are outweighoutweighed by the advantages. To begin with, the most significant benefit is related to the economy. individuals useallyIndividuals usually take riskerisks to increase their income to have a better life stylelifestyle. forFor example, some employees resing thierresign their jobs to lunch thierlaunch their own business to earn more money. additionallyAdditionally, Inin some countrycountries, people cannot increase their level of life style whit out lifestyle without taking riskrisks. forFor instance, in Iran, people cannot buy a house ,where theytheir family can live there, with out taking morgagewithout taking a mortgage. Thus, Ifif they do not take riskerisks to take a huge loan, they will not be able to buy their own place to live with out without the stress of the growth of renting househouses. onOn the other hand, this phenonmenphenomenon can bring health problems. whenWhen individuals take big risk forrisks in their professional or personal lives, they find themthemselves in stressful situationsituations. aA clear example is that starting a new business can be challenging and stressfullstressful for people who want to work for selfthemselves and hire others employeeother employees. ifIf they are not sccussfullsuccessful in their work and lost thier investlose their investment, they are probably are in dengerdanger of heart deseasedisease. To conclude, although taking risk haverisks has some drawbacks, it is vital to change the level of our life stylelifestyle. withoutWithout taking riskrisks, people probably will not have the opprtunityopportunity to level up in their lives.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
It is true that taking risks is important for individuals in their professional lives and their personal lives. In this essay I am going to present drawbacks and benfits of this phenonmen. I beilieve that the disadvantages are outweigh by advantages.
It is true that taking risks is important for individuals in both their professional and personal lives. In this essay, I will present the drawbacks and benefits of this phenomenon. I believe that the disadvantages are outweighed by the advantages.
To begin with, the most significant benefit is related to economy. individuals useally take riske to increase their income to have better life style. for example, some employees resing thier jobs to lunch thier own business to earn more money. additionally, In some country, people cannot increase their level of life style whit out taking risk. for instance, in Iran people cannot buy a house ,where they family can live there, with out taking morgage. Thus, If they do not take riske to take huge loan, they will not able to buy their own place to live with out the stress of the growth of renting house.
To begin with, the most significant benefit is related to the economy. Individuals often take risks to increase their income and improve their lifestyle. For example, some employees resign from their jobs to launch their own businesses in order to earn more money. Additionally, in some countries, people cannot enhance their standard of living without taking risks. For instance, in Iran, individuals cannot buy a house where their families can live without taking out a mortgage. Thus, if they do not take the risk of obtaining a substantial loan, they will not be able to purchase their own place to live without the stress of rising rental costs.
on the other hand, this phenonmen can bring health problems. when individuals take big risk for their professional or personal lives find them in stressful situation. a clear example is that starting new business can be challenging and stressfull for people who want to work for self and hire others employee. if they are not sccussfull in their work and lost thier invest, they probably are in denger of heart desease.
On the other hand, this phenomenon can lead to health problems. When individuals take significant risks in their professional or personal lives, they often find themselves in stressful situations. A clear example is starting a new business, which can be challenging and stressful for those who want to work for themselves and hire employees. If they are not successful in their ventures and lose their investments, they may be at risk of developing heart disease due to the stress involved.
To conclude, although taking risk have some drawbacks, it is vital to change level of our life style. without taking risk, people probably will not have the opprtunity to level up in their lives.
In conclusion, although taking risks has some drawbacks, it is vital for improving our standard of living. Without taking risks, people may not have the opportunity to advance in their lives.
See more samples for this topic
Check your essay for this topic
Overall Band Score
4.5
Overview
Vocabulary Range
Loading
Linking Words
Loading
Spelling
Loading
Grammar Accuracy
Loading
Grammar Range
Loading
Cohesion
Loading
Paragraph Structure
Loading
Task Response
Loading
Word Count
sufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

Feedback

Task Achievement

  • Response to the Prompt: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of taking risks in professional and personal lives. However, the conclusion could be more explicitly linked to the question of whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
  • Examples and Support: The essay provides examples, such as starting a business and taking a mortgage, to illustrate the points. These examples are relevant but could be expanded with more detail to strengthen the argument.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Structure and Organization: The essay is organized into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific point. However, the introduction could be improved by clearly stating the thesis and outlining the main points to be discussed.
  • Linking Words and Phrases: The use of linking words such as "to begin with," "for example," and "on the other hand" helps in guiding the reader through the argument. However, transitions between ideas could be smoother to enhance the flow of the essay.

Lexical Resource

  • Vocabulary: The vocabulary used is generally appropriate for the topic. However, there are several spelling errors (e.g., "phenonmen," "beilieve," "useally," "resing," "lunch," "morgage," "riske," "sccussfull," "desease") that need correction. Additionally, some words are used incorrectly or awkwardly (e.g., "level of life style" should be "standard of living").
  • Range: The essay could benefit from a wider range of vocabulary to express ideas more precisely and effectively.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Sentence Structure: The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentences. However, there are several grammatical errors that need attention, such as subject-verb agreement and incorrect verb forms (e.g., "individuals useally take riske" should be "individuals usually take risks").
  • Punctuation and Capitalization: There are issues with capitalization (e.g., "In some country" should be "In some countries") and punctuation (e.g., missing commas and periods).
  • Overall Accuracy: The essay contains numerous grammatical and spelling errors that detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.

Recommendations

  1. Proofreading: Carefully proofread the essay to correct spelling and grammatical errors.
  2. Thesis Statement: Strengthen the introduction with a clear thesis statement that directly answers the prompt.
  3. Detail and Development: Expand on examples and provide more detailed explanations to support your points.
  4. Vocabulary: Work on expanding your vocabulary and using words more precisely.
  5. Grammar Practice: Practice writing complex sentences and pay attention to subject-verb agreement and verb forms.

By addressing these areas, the essay can be improved to better meet the IELTS writing criteria.