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Nowadays, since a sizeable number of people are immigrating to the big cities in serch of better living condition, the population in the suburbs is dropping. while there are some advantages associated with immigration, I believe the main disadvantages are more substantial.
On the one hand, a potential advantage may be better job opportunities. A majority of people who live in the rural areas move to the cities because of earning more money and provide their family with the basic ammenities. For example, big companies in iran are located in cities, thus, people who want to recrute in these companies and having a lucrative career should live in the vicity of the manufactures which are situated in cities. So, the companies' income will be increase because of the skilled workfore who come from the countrysides. Another precieved positive effect is that benefit from a wide vraity of facilities. it is many recreational and residentional facilities in cities, such as better healthcare system or higher standard of education that encourage people to move to cities. Additionally, as a result of moving people to cities, the countrysides remain intact
On the other hand, a primary disadvantage is that cities becom overcrowded. Not only has over population a negative effects on traffic congestion, but it also is a threat to the air quality. When people move to the cities, commuting will be increased and as a result of consumption more fossil fuel, the air pollution will be increas. Furthermore, the price of accomodation see an increase, because the demand for house are rose and the landlords offer the higher price for their hiuse because of the competation between people.
To conclude, it is true that increasing cities population would seem advantageous under certain sircumstanse. However, in my opinion, its negative effects in terms of air pollution and trafic congestion override the advantages.
Here is a corrected and optimized version of your essay:
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Nowadays, a significant number of people are immigrating to large cities in search of better living conditions, resulting in a decline in the population of the suburbs. While there are some advantages associated with immigration, I believe that the main disadvantages are more substantial.
On the one hand, a potential advantage is the availability of better job opportunities. Many individuals from rural areas move to cities to earn higher wages and provide their families with basic amenities. For example, major companies in Iran are located in urban areas; thus, those seeking employment in these firms and aspiring for lucrative careers must reside near the manufacturing hubs situated in cities. Consequently, companies benefit from an influx of skilled workers from the countryside, which can enhance their productivity and income. Another perceived positive effect is access to a wide variety of facilities. Cities offer numerous recreational and residential amenities, such as improved healthcare systems and higher standards of education, which encourage people to relocate. Additionally, as more individuals move to urban areas, the countryside remains relatively untouched.
On the other hand, a primary disadvantage is that cities become overcrowded. Overpopulation not only negatively impacts traffic congestion but also poses a threat to air quality. As more people migrate to urban areas, commuting increases, leading to higher fossil fuel consumption and, consequently, greater air pollution. Furthermore, the cost of accommodation rises due to increased demand for housing, prompting landlords to charge higher rents as competition intensifies.
In conclusion, while the growing population in cities may appear advantageous under certain circumstances, I believe that its negative effects, particularly in terms of air pollution and traffic congestion, outweigh the benefits.
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This revised version addresses grammatical errors, improves clarity, and enhances the overall coherence of the essay, making it more suitable for a high proficiency test score.