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Question: Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required ...

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It is said that some people are of the opinion that people like doctors and engineers who are professionals should work in the same country they trained in, while other people think they can choose freely about where they want to work. This essay will discuss both sides and what I believe is that professionals should be able to work where ever they want. Firstly, there is an idea in which experts should stay the country that they did training because they are aware about difficulities that people face every day and in another words, they know how to tackle the problems far more better than a new person who has no experiment in that country. For example, my father holds a bachelor’s degree in Civil engeering from an university in our country and then started to work as a trainee in same place and got a job after that. As far as I am concerned, now he is an exeptional professional who done many things for this country. On the other hand, as can be seen, there are people who believe doctors, engineers, and other experts are free to choose if they want to work in the same country that they learnt every thing or some other place. Professionals are useful where ever they go and imporvement happens in their presents. For example, a Iranian vet who was interested in Indian animals moved to India after finishing his training to help them prevent animal extinction and had important impact in this occasion. In summary, although there is a belief that professionals should learn and work in same place, I think they can freely go to different country if they want to.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
It is said that some people are of the opinion that people like doctors and engineers who are professionals should work in the same country they trained in, while other people think they can choose freely about where they want to work. This essay will discuss both sides and what I believe is that professionals should be able to work where ever they want.
It is said that some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should work in the same country where they were trained, while others argue that they should have the freedom to choose where they want to work. This essay will discuss both perspectives, and I will argue that professionals should be able to work wherever they wish.
Firstly, there is an idea in which experts should stay the country that they did training because they are aware about difficulities that people face every day and in another words, they know how to tackle the problems far more better than a new person who has no experiment in that country. For example, my father holds a bachelor’s degree in Civil engeering from an university in our country and then started to work as a trainee in same place and got a job after that. As far as I am concerned, now he is an exeptional professional who done many things for this country.
Firstly, there is a viewpoint that experts should remain in the country where they received their training because they are familiar with the difficulties that people face on a daily basis. In other words, they know how to tackle problems far better than someone new who lacks experience in that country. For example, my father holds a bachelor’s degree in civil engineering from a university in our country. He began his career as a trainee in the same place and eventually secured a permanent position. As far as I am concerned, he is now an exceptional professional who has accomplished many significant projects for our country.
On the other hand, as can be seen, there are people who believe doctors, engineers, and other experts are free to choose if they want to work in the same country that they learnt every thing or some other place. Professionals are useful where ever they go and imporvement happens in their presents. For example, a Iranian vet who was interested in Indian animals moved to India after finishing his training to help them prevent animal extinction and had important impact in this occasion.
On the other hand, there are those who believe that doctors, engineers, and other experts should have the freedom to choose whether to work in the same country where they learned or in another location. Professionals can be valuable wherever they go, and their presence often leads to improvement. For instance, an Iranian veterinarian who was passionate about Indian wildlife moved to India after completing his training to help prevent animal extinction and made a significant impact in this regard.
In summary, although there is a belief that professionals should learn and work in same place, I think they can freely go to different country if they want to.
In summary, although some believe that professionals should learn and work in the same place, I contend that they should have the freedom to pursue opportunities in different countries if they choose to do so.
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Overall Band Score
5.5
Overview
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Grammar Range
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Task Achievement

  • Strengths: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views on whether professionals should work in the country where they trained or have the freedom to work elsewhere. It also provides a clear opinion in the conclusion.
  • Areas for Improvement: The essay could benefit from a more balanced discussion by providing more detailed arguments and examples for both sides. The examples provided are somewhat anecdotal and could be expanded to include broader implications or statistics.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Strengths: The essay is structured with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing each viewpoint, and a conclusion. Transitional phrases like "Firstly" and "On the other hand" help guide the reader through the argument.
  • Areas for Improvement: The essay could improve coherence by ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that ideas within paragraphs are more logically connected. The conclusion could also be strengthened by summarizing the main points more explicitly.

Lexical Resource

  • Strengths: The essay uses a range of vocabulary related to the topic, such as "professionals," "training," "experts," and "improvement."
  • Areas for Improvement: There are several spelling and word choice errors, such as "difficulities" (difficulties), "engeering" (engineering), "exeptional" (exceptional), "imporvement" (improvement), and "presents" (presence). Additionally, some phrases could be more precise, such as "learned every thing" which could be "received their education."

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Strengths: The essay demonstrates the ability to construct complex sentences and use a variety of grammatical structures.
  • Areas for Improvement: There are several grammatical errors, such as "far more better" (far better), "an university" (a university), and "done many things" (has done many things). The essay would benefit from careful proofreading to correct these errors and improve overall grammatical accuracy.

Overall Suggestions

  • Provide more detailed and balanced arguments for both sides of the discussion.
  • Use more precise vocabulary and correct spelling errors.
  • Ensure grammatical accuracy by proofreading the essay.
  • Strengthen the coherence of the essay by improving the logical flow of ideas within and between paragraphs.