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Question: Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subj...

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A group of individuals presentpresents the view that they should learn about other subjects in addition to their main major, whereas others believe that it is more important to focus on their studystudies and allocate all of their time and attention to receive a qualification. I strongly agree with the former opinion. On the one hand, a group of people justifiably argueargues that they should know about other extra subjectadditional subjects. This group mentionmentions that they should gain some extra knowledge about other field,fields while they study in a different major. For instance, while an individual studystudies engineering, they might be passionpassionate about art and music. They believe that they have to pay attention to both fields as they are able to use one of them for earning money and use another one to calm themselves in their difficult situations. These kinds of individuals like to do numerous tasks at a time and are able to handle them meanwhilewhile finishing them with success. On the other hand, another group of people claimclaims that they should spend all of their time on their main field and just broaden their knowledge in that specific subject. They insist that should they learn another skill or learn about other subjects, they will distractbe distracted from their main purpose. They believe it would be better for them to finish their study at studies first and after that they learn new skills. While, this will lead to success in one major, but they forget that they have a limited time in the world. However, I do not find all of these reasons convincing as they can use their wastewasted time, such as the time which they spend on social media or their commuting time, on learning to learn a new skill that they want. To conclude, in my opinion, students should learn about different subjects exceptapart from their main field because they can turn to a multitask person become multitaskers and be successful in many aspectaspects of their lifelives. Moreover, as people are able to use their wastewasted time to gain new knowledge, no excuse is acceptable.
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Overall Band Score
6.5
Overview
Vocabulary Range
average
Linking Words
average
Spelling
strong
Grammar Accuracy
average
Grammar Range
average
Cohesion
average
Paragraph Structure
average
Task Response
strong
Word Count
sufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

Task Achievement

The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views on whether university students should focus solely on their main subjects or explore additional subjects. The writer clearly states their opinion, supporting the idea of learning about other subjects. However, the essay could benefit from more specific examples and evidence to strengthen the arguments presented. For instance, providing data or studies that show the benefits of a multidisciplinary approach could enhance the argument.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay is generally well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing each viewpoint, and a conclusion. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, the transition from discussing the benefits of learning additional subjects to the drawbacks of focusing solely on one subject could be more fluid. Using linking words and phrases such as "furthermore," "in contrast," or "on the contrary" could improve the flow of the essay.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used in the essay is appropriate, but there is room for improvement in terms of variety and precision. Phrases like "extra subject" and "waste time" could be replaced with more academic terms such as "supplementary disciplines" and "leisure time." Additionally, the essay could benefit from more varied sentence structures to demonstrate a wider range of language use.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

The essay contains several grammatical errors that could be addressed to improve clarity and readability. For example, "while an individual study engineering" should be "while an individual studies engineering," and "they might be passion about art" should be "they might be passionate about art." Additionally, some sentences are awkwardly constructed, such as "These kinds of individuals like to do numerous tasks at a time and are able to handle them meanwhile finishing them with success." Simplifying and restructuring these sentences would enhance comprehension.

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Provide Specific Examples: Incorporate specific examples or studies to support the arguments, particularly for the benefits of learning additional subjects.
  2. Enhance Transitions: Use linking words and phrases to improve the flow between ideas and paragraphs.
  3. Expand Vocabulary: Use more varied and precise vocabulary to demonstrate a higher level of lexical resource.
  4. Correct Grammatical Errors: Review and correct grammatical errors to improve clarity and accuracy.
  5. Vary Sentence Structures: Use a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences to showcase a range of grammatical structures.

By addressing these areas, the essay can be improved to better meet the IELTS writing criteria.