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Question: Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you t...

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In recent years, the daily time that children usespend on their smartphones has increased significantly, which leads to several concerns regarding itstheir effects on their well-being. Although some people believe that this is a part of human development whichthat can provide children access to the latest information and technologies, others argue that it can affect their physical and mental health. This essay will examine the advantages and disadvantages of this global trend and argue why its negative effects outweigh the benefits. Accessing smart devices like new generations of cellmobile phones, can be extremely beneficial. They can not only connect people by transferring their voice and video but also can integrate many applications into one single device. For instance, they can share the children's precise locations with their parents to ensure they are safe and well. In addition, smartphones can assist students in accessing multimedia learning materials whichthat can be accessibleavailable anytime and anywhere. These features can provide better opportunities for educational advancement and growth. In contrast, spending extended time using a mobile device encourages a sedentary lifestyle for children. For instance, Itit might lead to eye strainsstrain, obesity, or posture issues for them. In addition, it might cause mental problems as well and make them unable to concentrate on their studystudies at school. In conclusion, while technological advancement can make the world a better place to live and grow for everyone, including youngsters, we should be aware of its downsides, especially for minors. Therefore, I strongly believe that using these devices should be strictly limited and controlled by peoplethose who are responsible for children.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
In recent years, the daily time that children use their smartphones has increased significantly which leads to several concerns regarding its effects on their well-being. Although some people believe that this is a part of human development which can provide children access to the latest information and technologies, others argue that it can affect their physical and mental health. This essay will examine the advantages and disadvantages of this global trend and argue why its negative effects outweigh the benefits.
In recent years, the amount of time children spend on their smartphones has increased significantly, raising several concerns regarding its effects on their well-being. While some people believe that this trend is a natural part of human development that provides children with access to the latest information and technologies, others argue that it can adversely affect their physical and mental health. This essay will examine the advantages and disadvantages of this global trend and argue that its negative effects outweigh the benefits.
Accessing smart devices like new generations of cell phones, can be extremely beneficial. They can not only connect people by transferring their voice and video but also can integrate many applications into one single device. For instance, they can share the children's precise locations with their parents to ensure they are safe and well. In addition, smartphones can assist students in accessing multimedia learning materials which can be accessible anytime and anywhere. These features can provide better opportunities for educational advancement and growth.
Accessing smart devices, such as the latest generations of cell phones, can be extremely beneficial. They not only facilitate communication through voice and video calls but also integrate numerous applications into a single device. For instance, smartphones can share children's precise locations with their parents, ensuring their safety. Additionally, they assist students in accessing multimedia learning materials that are available anytime and anywhere. These features can provide better opportunities for educational advancement and personal growth.
In contrast, spending extended time using a mobile device encourages a sedentary lifestyle for children. For instance, It might lead to eye strains, obesity, or posture issues for them. In addition, it might cause mental problems as well and make them unable to concentrate on their study at school.
Conversely, spending excessive time on mobile devices encourages a sedentary lifestyle among children. For example, it can lead to eye strain, obesity, and poor posture. Furthermore, it may contribute to mental health issues, making it difficult for children to concentrate on their studies at school.
In conclusion, while technological advancement can make the world a better place to live and grow for everyone including youngsters, we should be aware of its downsides, especially for minors. Therefore, I strongly believe that using these devices should be strictly limited and controlled by people who are responsible for children.
In conclusion, while technological advancements can enhance the quality of life for everyone, including young people, we must remain vigilant about their downsides, particularly for minors. Therefore, I strongly believe that the use of these devices should be strictly limited and monitored by responsible adults.
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Overall Band Score
7.5
Overview
Vocabulary Range
strong
Linking Words
average
Spelling
strong
Grammar Accuracy
strong
Grammar Range
average
Cohesion
average
Paragraph Structure
strong
Task Response
strong
Word Count
sufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

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Task Achievement

  • Response to the Prompt: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt by discussing why children spend hours on smartphones and evaluating whether this is a positive or negative development.
  • Position: The writer clearly states their position, arguing that the negative effects of smartphone use outweigh the benefits.
  • Ideas and Examples: The essay provides relevant examples, such as the potential for educational advancement and the risks of a sedentary lifestyle, to support the arguments.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Organization: The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph has a clear main idea.
  • Cohesion: The use of linking words and phrases (e.g., "for instance," "in addition," "in contrast") helps to connect ideas and maintain the flow of the essay.
  • Progression: The progression of ideas is logical, moving from the benefits of smartphone use to the potential drawbacks.

Lexical Resource

  • Range: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, using terms like "sedentary lifestyle," "multimedia learning materials," and "technological advancement."
  • Precision: Word choice is generally precise, though there are a few areas where more specific language could enhance clarity (e.g., "mental problems" could be specified as "attention issues" or "anxiety").

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Sentence Structures: The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences, which enhances readability.
  • Grammar and Punctuation: There are minor grammatical errors, such as the capitalization of "It" in the middle of a sentence. Overall, the grammar is mostly accurate.

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Expand on Ideas: While the essay covers the main points, further elaboration on how smartphones specifically impact mental health could strengthen the argument.
  2. Provide More Examples: Including more specific examples or studies could add depth to the discussion of both positive and negative effects.
  3. Clarify Terms: Define terms like "mental problems" more clearly to avoid ambiguity and enhance the reader's understanding.

Overall, the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a clear argument, but could benefit from more detailed examples and clarification of certain terms.