Question: Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones.
Why is this the case? Do you t...
Marking Generated by Free AI Models
You are on the free tier, which uses free AI models. They can occasionally be slow, unstable, or temporarily unavailable. Balang Plus uses premium models for faster, more reliable, and higher-quality marking.
Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
In recent years, the daily time that children usespend on their smartphones has increased significantly, which leads to several concerns regarding itstheir effects on their well-being. Although some people believe that this is a part of human development whichthat can provide children access to the latest information and technologies, others argue that it can affect their physical and mental health. This essay will examine the advantages and disadvantages of this global trend and argue why its negative effects outweigh the benefits.
Accessing smart devices like new generations of cellmobile phones, can be extremely beneficial. They can not only connect people by transferring their voice and video but also can integrate many applications into one single device. For instance, they can share the children's precise locations with their parents to ensure they are safe and well. In addition, smartphones can assist students in accessing multimedia learning materials whichthat can be accessibleavailable anytime and anywhere. These features can provide better opportunities for educational advancement and growth.
In contrast, spending extended time using a mobile device encourages a sedentary lifestyle for children. For instance, Itit might lead to eye strainsstrain, obesity, or posture issues for them. In addition, it might cause mental problems as well and make them unable to concentrate on their studystudies at school.
In conclusion, while technological advancement can make the world a better place to live and grow for everyone, including youngsters, we should be aware of its downsides, especially for minors. Therefore, I strongly believe that using these devices should be strictly limited and controlled by peoplethose who are responsible for children.
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.
Feedback
Task Achievement
Response to the Prompt: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt by discussing why children spend hours on smartphones and evaluating whether this is a positive or negative development.
Position: The writer clearly states their position, arguing that the negative effects of smartphone use outweigh the benefits.
Ideas and Examples: The essay provides relevant examples, such as the potential for educational advancement and the risks of a sedentary lifestyle, to support the arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organization: The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph has a clear main idea.
Cohesion: The use of linking words and phrases (e.g., "for instance," "in addition," "in contrast") helps to connect ideas and maintain the flow of the essay.
Progression: The progression of ideas is logical, moving from the benefits of smartphone use to the potential drawbacks.
Lexical Resource
Range: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, using terms like "sedentary lifestyle," "multimedia learning materials," and "technological advancement."
Precision: Word choice is generally precise, though there are a few areas where more specific language could enhance clarity (e.g., "mental problems" could be specified as "attention issues" or "anxiety").
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Sentence Structures: The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences, which enhances readability.
Grammar and Punctuation: There are minor grammatical errors, such as the capitalization of "It" in the middle of a sentence. Overall, the grammar is mostly accurate.
Suggestions for Improvement
Expand on Ideas: While the essay covers the main points, further elaboration on how smartphones specifically impact mental health could strengthen the argument.
Provide More Examples: Including more specific examples or studies could add depth to the discussion of both positive and negative effects.
Clarify Terms: Define terms like "mental problems" more clearly to avoid ambiguity and enhance the reader's understanding.
Overall, the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a clear argument, but could benefit from more detailed examples and clarification of certain terms.