Question: It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future.
To...
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In recent years, arguesarguments revolving around financial issues have become more controversial. It is now newly believebelieved that all individuals from all of the group ages age groupsshould save money for their future. I find myself among those who fully subscribe to this statement due to some rational reasons.
Financial literacy should be internalizeinternalised in children from very early ages in kindergartens and schools. Money-saving is considered to be among these crucial meaningsskills that are requieredrequired to be taught. In this way, children completely comprehend that if they save money, they will reach their desired goals much more easily. As a result, people might save money for their future goals and targets they endeavour to achieve. Trying to spend less and aiming to save for buying a house or a car, gogoing on a trip or some personal staffitems, for instance, reminds individuals to stick to their dreams although it may be tough.
Moreover, there is always a probability forpossibility of some unexpected events which cannot be prevented. Fires, earthquakes, car accidents or even robberies are among these accidentsincidents that are out of our control and may lead to financial losses. Thus, it is logicalylogically acceptable to save some money for these catastrophiescatastrophes. Therefore, this foresightedness is needed as there is no guarantee for what will happen in the future. This saving of money can also contribute to limiting the extra expenses that only impose additional costs on the budget. So, people compelare compelled to prohibit themselves from allocating a huge amount of money to purchasing a piece of equipment which they are aware will remain useless.
To recapitulate what has been discussed above, from my standpoint it is completely reasonable to accept that all of the people should save money from the present since some unexpected accidentsevents which impose considerable losses cannot be prevented. Moreover, this attitude learnsteaches both youngsters and the elderly to avoid wasting money to reach their achievements.
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Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the importance of saving money for the future, particularly for young people.
The response provides reasons for the importance of saving, such as achieving future goals and preparing for unexpected events.
However, the essay could benefit from a clearer stance on the extent to which the writer agrees or disagrees with the statement. While the writer mentions agreement, the degree of agreement is not explicitly stated.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
Transition words and phrases (e.g., "Moreover," "As a result," "Therefore") are used to connect ideas, but some transitions could be smoother.
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points, but it could be more concise and directly related to the prompt.
Lexical Resource
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with some attempts at using more advanced words (e.g., "foresightedness," "endeavour").
There are some spelling errors and incorrect word forms, such as "internalize" (should be "internalized"), "requiered" (should be "required"), and "logically" (should be "logically").
Some phrases are awkward or unclear, such as "personal staff" (likely intended to mean "personal items").
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay contains a variety of sentence structures, but there are several grammatical errors that affect clarity.
Errors include subject-verb agreement ("argues revolving around financial issues"), incorrect verb forms ("newly believe"), and missing articles ("all of the group ages").
Some sentences are overly complex or lack clarity, which can confuse the reader.
Suggestions for Improvement
Clarify Stance: Clearly state the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement in the introduction and ensure this is reflected throughout the essay.
Improve Cohesion: Use more precise transition words and ensure each paragraph logically follows from the previous one.
Enhance Vocabulary: Double-check word forms and spelling to avoid errors. Consider using synonyms to avoid repetition.
Simplify Sentences: Break down complex sentences into simpler ones to improve clarity and readability.
Proofread: Carefully proofread the essay to correct grammatical errors and awkward phrasing.
By addressing these areas, the essay can be more effective in conveying its message and meeting the IELTS writing criteria.