Question: Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones.
Why is this the case? Do you t...
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In the digital age, threrethere is an arising concern about young adults spending several hours dailywith mobile phone obssessivelyphones obsessively.In my opinion, there are a couple of reasons contributing to this issue, and my belief is that it is a detrimental trend overall, as it has numerous negative effects on children.
With regard to the potential reasons why youth nowadaynowadays are so engaged with technology, specificaly specifically their smart phonessmartphones, I think the most significant reason would be their appealing characteristics. Youngsters regard this technology as a versatile object which they can do whatever they want with. With phones, they are able to do a variety of activities such as play games, contact with friends from all over the world, establish new friendships online, and even exploit itthem for their educational aspects. All of which, thus, make it a completely functinalfunctional and amusing device for people to use.
Concernig it'sConcerning its effects,however, I imply that it could negatively harm teenagers in many ways. First and foremost, it restricts the social interactions. Teenagers nowadays doare not eager to socialize with others and enhance their social skills since they are being so involved with the virtual world of social mediaand feel no intention to make connectionconnections in person, and this is affecting their real interactioninteractions with people. LackThe lack of the ability to connect with others in real life consequently leads them to isolation, which is sovery harmful. Additionally, it also results in less physical activity. Spending too muchmany hours sitting and working with phones leaves no time for teenagers to be physically active, and that leads to several health problemsin their future, such as obesity.
In conclusion,I think the issue of children involvingengaging with technology is a pressing problem whichthat has devastating impacts upon youth, and there are a number of reasons relating to it, such as the compelling features of technology.
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Task Achievement
Response to the Prompt: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt effectively. It explains why children spend hours on their smartphones and discusses the negative impacts of this behavior.
Ideas and Examples: The essay provides clear reasons for the behavior and supports the argument that it is a negative development. However, it could benefit from more specific examples or evidence to strengthen the argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organization: The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph has a clear main idea.
Cohesion: Transition words and phrases such as "With regard to," "First and foremost," and "Additionally" are used to connect ideas, but there are some areas where transitions could be smoother. For example, the transition between discussing the reasons and the effects could be more fluid.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary: The essay uses a range of vocabulary related to technology and its effects. Words like "obsessively," "versatile," "exploit," and "isolation" are appropriate and varied.
Spelling and Word Choice: There are several spelling errors such as "threre" (there), "obssessively" (obsessively), "specificaly" (specifically), "functinal" (functional), and "Concernig" (Concerning). These errors can detract from the overall impression.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Sentence Structure: The essay demonstrates a variety of sentence structures, which is good. However, some sentences are awkwardly phrased or contain grammatical errors, such as "Youth nowaday are so engaged" (should be "youth nowadays are so engaged").
Grammar: There are some grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ("youth nowaday are"), and incorrect use of possessive pronouns ("it's effects" should be "its effects").
Suggestions for Improvement
Proofreading: Carefully proofread the essay to correct spelling and grammatical errors. This will improve clarity and professionalism.
Examples and Evidence: Incorporate specific examples or studies to support the claims about the negative impacts of smartphone use.
Transitions: Work on smoother transitions between ideas to enhance the flow of the essay.
Complex Sentences: While the essay uses a variety of sentence structures, ensure that complex sentences are clear and grammatically correct.
Overall, the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a coherent argument, but attention to language accuracy and the inclusion of more specific examples would enhance its quality.