Question: Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular ...
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It is argued among some people that nowadays, the most important of enviromentalenvironmental problems is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others believe that there are more important environmental issues. While I accept that the extinction of animals and plants is one of the most important problems, I believe that there are more important environmentalproblems which I will argue them discussbelow.On the one hand, it is believed by some people that the loss of particular species of plants and animals would be the most important environmental problem. They believe this, for two main reasons: Firstly, the continuingsurvival of humans' lives isn't possible without the existanceexistence of many speceisspecies of animals. For instance, the existanceexistence of a particular type of insectsinsect is essential for agricultural activities. Secondly, by the extinction of many types of plants, conditionconditions will be highly difficult for producing food products, foras almost the production of all types of food products depends on plants. forFor example, the greangreen-tea production can not cannotbe continued without the existence of a special type of plant.On the other hand, there are many types of environmental problems that are more essential than the loss of particular species of plants and animals. I believe that air polution that pollution,produced by factories or muchines traffic, is the most important of our environmental issues. air polutionAir pollution causes many types of diseasediseases for humans. Many types of heart, breathing, skin, and eyeseye diseases are created beacausebecause of air polutionpollution. For instance, the city of tehranTehran is one of the most pulluted city all around polluted cities inthe world, and therefore most people are bothering sufferfrom a wide ragerange of diseases; by contrast, cities without a lot of pullotion much pollutionhave the lowest number of sick people. Water pollution is the other anotherdangerous problem. The pollution of water can easily influence on the health condition of humans. For instance, people who live in villages have lessfewer diseases related to stomachethe stomach, like stomachacestomachaches.In conclusion, I believe that nowadays, we have more important environmental problems than the loss of particular species of plants and animals; however, extictionthe extinction of plants and animalanimals is highly important.
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Feedback on Your Essay
Task Achievement
Your essay addresses both views and presents your own opinion, which meets the task requirements.
The introduction clearly states the two perspectives and your stance, which is good.
However, some arguments could be more developed. For example, while you mention air and water pollution as more important issues, you could provide stronger evidence or more specific examples to support these claims.
The conclusion restates your opinion but could be more concise and impactful.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically structured with clear paragraphs for each viewpoint and your opinion.
Some transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, phrases like "for two main reasons" help, but linking words like furthermore, moreover, or in contrast could improve flow.
Repetition of phrases like "the loss of particular species of plants and animals" could be reduced by using synonyms or pronouns.
Lexical Resource
There is a good range of vocabulary, but some words are misspelled (polution instead of pollution, speceis instead of species, machines instead of machines).
Some word choices are awkward ("the continuing of humans' lives" could be "human survival").
More precise vocabulary (e.g., biodiversity loss instead of loss of species) would strengthen your argument.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There are several grammatical errors:
"there more important environmental issues" → "there are more important..."
"which I will argue them below" → "which I will discuss below" (remove them)
"the existance of many speceis" → "the existence of many species"
"condition will be highly difficult" → "conditions will become extremely difficult"
"air polution that produced by factories" → "air pollution that is produced by factories"
Some sentences are overly long and could be split for clarity.
Work on subject-verb agreement ("the city of tehran is one of the most pulluted city" → "Tehran is one of the most polluted cities").
Suggestions for Improvement
Proofread for spelling and grammar – Use tools like Grammarly or ask a native speaker to review your work.
Vary sentence structures – Mix simple and complex sentences to improve fluency.
Strengthen examples – Provide more concrete data (e.g., statistics on pollution-related diseases).
Use synonyms – Avoid repeating the same phrases.
Make the conclusion sharper – Instead of restating, summarize key points more effectively.
Overall, your essay has a strong structure and addresses the prompt well, but refining grammar, vocabulary, and argument depth will help improve clarity and impact. Keep practicing!