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Question: In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in...

Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
Most businesses in their advertising usually concentrateemphasise that their products are new in some way. This subject can be associated withlinked to several reasons and I justwill mention a few of them. Additionally, from my perspective, this is a positive improvementdevelopment. The first reason for promoting their products with their new features is creatingto create a significant increase in their sales. If companies advertise their goods and focus on new developments, people will encouragebe more encouraged to purchase that productthose products. This advertiseadvertising is a double-edged edge sword. OneOn the one hand, itthere is the conditionpossibility that there is no real development and the only purpose is manipulatingto manipulate people. In this case, the only reason that companies think about consider it is their own benefit and abuse from exploiting people to take their money. On the other hand, there is athe case thatwhere businesses reallygenuinely make an advancement advancements and, in order to inform people about these features, they mentioned itmention them in the advertisement. This is the condition thatscenario where both people and businesses can benefit from each other, and people are able to use new products in order to for a more convenient life. I personally believe that the positive aspects outweigh itsthe negative side due to the fact that people can make better choices. With the precise advertisements which mentionedthat detail the functionality of a product in details, people are able to compare different brands and make up their mindminds. Another mainkey reason is an improvement in the recruitmentemployment rate. As detailed advertisements need skillfulrequire a skilled workforce, theycompanies have to employ more people for each purpose. For example, they need a good scenario writer scriptwriter and a skillfulskilled graphic designer to make advertisements whichthat not only attract people bettermore effectively but also introducepresent the products in itsthe best way. In conclusion, there are reasons such as witnesses a witnessing growth in salesales or provideproviding people with better products in emphasizing on by emphasising new features, and this is a totallycompletely positive development due to because people are able to make better choices and increasethe employment rate increases.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
Most businesses in their advertising usually concentrate that their products are new in some way. This subject can be associated with several reasons and I just mention a few of them. Additionally, from my perspective, this is a positive improvement.
Most businesses in their advertising typically emphasize that their products are innovative in some way. This trend can be attributed to several reasons, a few of which I will discuss. From my perspective, this represents a positive development.
The first reason for promoting their products with their new features is creating a significant increase in their sales. If companies advertise their goods and focus on new developments, people will encourage more to purchase that product. This advertise is a double edge sword. One the one hand, it is the condition that there is no development and the only purpose is manipulating people. In this case the only reason that companies think about it is their own benefit and abuse from people to take their money. On the other hand, there is a case that businesses really make an advancement and in order to inform people about these features, they mentioned it in the advertisement. This is the condition that both people and businesses can benefit from each other and people are able to use new products in order to more convenient life.
The primary reason for highlighting new product features is to significantly boost sales. When companies promote their goods by focusing on improvements, consumers are more inclined to purchase them. However, this strategy is a double-edged sword. On one hand, some businesses may exaggerate or fabricate advancements solely to manipulate consumers, prioritizing profit over genuine innovation. On the other hand, many companies genuinely enhance their products and use advertising to inform customers of these improvements. In such cases, both businesses and consumers benefit—companies increase revenue, while consumers gain access to better products that improve their lives.
I personally believe that the positive aspects outweigh its negative side due to the fact that people can make better choices. With the precise advertisements which mentioned the functionality of a product in details, people are able to compare different brands and make up their mind. Another main reason is an improvement in the recruitment rate. As detailed advertisements need skillful workforce, they have to employ more people for each purpose. For example, they need a good scenario writer and a skillful graphic designer to make advertisements which not only attract people better but also introduce the products in its best way.
I believe the advantages of this practice outweigh the drawbacks. First, well-detailed advertisements enable consumers to make informed decisions by comparing different brands and assessing product functionalities. Second, the demand for high-quality advertising creates job opportunities. Skilled professionals, such as copywriters and graphic designers, are needed to produce compelling advertisements that effectively showcase products while attracting customers.
In conclusion, there are reasons such as witnesses a growth in sale or provide people with better products in emphasizing on new features and this is a totally positive development due to people are able to make better choices and increase employment rate
In conclusion, emphasizing new features in advertising drives sales growth and provides consumers with superior products. This is an overwhelmingly positive trend, as it empowers consumers to make better choices and stimulates employment in creative industries.
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Check your essay for this topic
Overall Band Score
6
Overview
Vocabulary Range
average
Linking Words
average
Spelling
weak
Grammar Accuracy
weak
Grammar Range
average
Cohesion
average
Paragraph Structure
average
Task Response
average
Word Count
sufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

Feedback on Your Essay

Task Achievement

  • Strengths: Your essay addresses the prompt by discussing why businesses emphasize new products and presents a clear opinion (positive development). You provide reasons and examples to support your view, which is good.
  • Areas for Improvement:
    • The introduction could be clearer. Instead of saying "This subject can be associated with several reasons and I just mention a few of them," you could directly state the main reasons (e.g., increasing sales, informing customers).
    • Some points are repetitive (e.g., the idea of businesses benefiting from sales is mentioned multiple times). Try to diversify your arguments.
    • The conclusion is somewhat abrupt. Restate your main points more concisely and avoid new ideas (e.g., "increase employment rate" was not discussed in detail earlier).

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Strengths: You use linking words ("on the one hand," "on the other hand," "in conclusion"), which helps structure the essay.
  • Areas for Improvement:
    • Some sentences are awkwardly phrased ("This advertise is a double edge sword" → "This approach is a double-edged sword").
    • The flow between ideas could be smoother. For example, the shift from discussing sales to employment in the conclusion feels sudden.
    • Avoid informal language ("I just mention a few of them" → "I will discuss a few key reasons").

Lexical Resource

  • Strengths: You use some advanced vocabulary ("manipulating," "advancement," "functionality").
  • Areas for Improvement:
    • Some word choices are incorrect ("witnesses a growth in sale" → "witness growth in sales").
    • Avoid redundancy ("more convenient life" → "greater convenience").
    • Use more precise synonyms (e.g., "recruitment rate" could be "employment opportunities").

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Strengths: You attempt complex sentences, which is good for a higher score.
  • Areas for Improvement:
    • Subject-verb agreement errors ("businesses... usually concentrate that" → "businesses... usually emphasize that").
    • Article errors ("a double edge sword" → "a double-edged sword").
    • Run-on sentences ("This is the condition that both people and businesses can benefit from each other and people are able to use new products in order to more convenient life."). Break long sentences into shorter, clearer ones.

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Revise for clarity: Some sentences are confusing. Read them aloud to check fluency.
  2. Expand on key points: Instead of briefly mentioning employment, explain how advertising creates jobs.
  3. Proofread for grammar: Pay attention to articles, prepositions, and verb forms.
  4. Avoid repetition: Find synonyms or rephrase ideas to keep the essay engaging.

Overall, your essay has a good structure and addresses the prompt, but refining grammar, vocabulary, and coherence will strengthen it. Keep practicing!