Question: In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard ...
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Some individuals tell children that they can do anything if they put enoughtenough effort on into
that, i. I believe sending such messages may be risky because they can make younger ones both motivated and dillusionaldelusional about their goals.
On one hand, all human kind humankindneeds motivation and sometimes stimulation to achieve their essential preposespurposes in their life, and children are not exceptedexempt. Some experiments on different groups of people show that giving positive comments on onesone's efforts may boost their mood and energy to finish that job. AdditionalyAdditionally, some experts say emphisisingemphasising "hard work" instead of intelligence is more effective in encouraging children to improve their operationperformance. So it itis good to focus on the hard work and trying onesone's best.
On the other hand, giving too much hope and illustrating unrealistic results can cause dissapointmentdisappointment and hopplessnesshopelessness for children. In many common situations, trying hard may also resultsresult in failure due to several factors and varies circumstancevarying circumstances like abilities or tallentstalents. If we keep sending a message in which hard work always brings victory, as this is not a realistic expectation, after some unpleasant results children may face disapointmentdisappointment, anger, and losinglose their appetite for trying again. soSo this approach can be toxic according to difference ofdifferences in skills.
In conclusion, iI believe telling children that hard work always pays off may give them enough motivation to start and finish a task, but it can also make them face so much disapointmentdisappointment and rage after every failure and give awayup their passion for startstarting the process all over aganagain.
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Some individuals tell children that they can do anything if they put enought effort on
that,i believe sending such messages may be risky because they can make younger ones both motivated and dillusional about their goals.
On one hand, all humankind needs motivation and sometimes stimulation to achieve their essential preposes in their life and children are notexcepted. Some experiments on different groups of people show that giving positive comments on ones efforts may boost their mood and energy to finishthatjob. Additionaly some experts sayemphisising"hard work" insteadof intelligence is more effective in encouraging children to improve their operation. So it itgood to focus on the hard work and tryingones best.
On the other hand, giving toomuch hope and illustrating unrealistic results can causedissapointmentand hopplessnessfor children. In many commonsituationstryinghard may alsoresultsfailure due to several factorsandvariescircumstancelike abilities or tallents. If we keepsendinga message inwhich hard work always bringsvictory,asthis is not a realistic expectation, after some unpleasant results children may facedisapointment, anger and losingappetitefortryingagain. so this approach can be toxicaccordingtodifferenceofskills.
In conclusion, ibelieve telling children that hard work always pays off may give them enough motivation to start and finishatask but it can also makethemfacesomuch disapointment and rage after everyfailureandgiveawaytheir passionfor start the process all over agan.
Some individuals tell children that they can achieve anything if they put enough effort intoit.I believe sending such messages may be risky because they can make younger individuals both motivated and delusional about their goals.
On one hand, all humankindneeds motivation and sometimes stimulation to achieve their essential purposes in life, and children are noexception. Some experiments on different groups of people show that giving positive feedback on one's efforts may boost their mood and energy to completeatask. Additionally, some experts emphasizethatpraising "hard work" ratherthan intelligence is more effective in encouraging children to improve their performance. Therefore, it isbeneficial to focus on hard work and doingone's best.
On the other hand, giving excessivehope and presenting unrealistic expectations can leadtodisappointment and hopelessnessin children. In many cases,hardworkmay stillresultin failure due to various factors,suchasdifferingabilities or talents. If we repeatedlyconveythe message thathard work always guaranteessuccess—anunrealisticexpectation—children may experiencefrustration, anger, and alossofmotivationafter facing setbacks. Thus, this approach can be harmful,giventhedifferencesinindividual skills.
In conclusion, whiletelling children that hard work always pays off may motivate them to start and completetasks,it can also leadtosignificantdisappointmentand frustration after failures,potentiallycausingthemtoabandon their effortsaltogether.
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Feedback on Your Essay
Task Achievement
Your response addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of telling children they can achieve anything through hard work, which fulfills the task requirements.
The ideas are relevant, but some points could be developed further for clarity. For example, you mention "experiments" and "experts" but do not provide specific examples or details to strengthen your argument.
The conclusion summarizes your position well, but it could be more balanced by acknowledging potential counterarguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with clear paragraphs for advantages and disadvantages. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother.
The phrase "So it it good to focus on the hard work" contains a repetition ("it it") and should be corrected for fluency.
Some sentences are awkwardly phrased ("sending such messages may be risky because they can make younger ones both motivated and dillusional"). Rephrasing for clarity would help.
Lexical Resource
There are several spelling errors ("dillusional" → "delusional," "dissapointment" → "disappointment," "hopplessness" → "hopelessness," "tallents" → "talents"). Proofreading would improve accuracy.
Some word choices are unnatural ("essential preposes" → "important goals," "improve their operation" → "improve their performance").
A wider range of vocabulary (e.g., synonyms for "hard work" like "persistence" or "dedication") would enhance lexical variety.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There are grammatical errors, such as:
"if they put enought effort on that" → "if they put enough effort into it"
"children are not excepted" → "children are no exception"
"trying hard may also results failure" → "trying hard may also result in failure"
"so this approach can be toxic according to difference of skills" → "so this approach can be harmful due to differences in skills"
Some sentences are fragmented or unclear ("If we keep sending a message in which hard work always brings victory, as this is not a realistic expectation..."). Rephrasing for clarity would help.
Suggestions for Improvement
Proofread carefully to correct spelling and grammar mistakes.
Use more precise vocabulary to express ideas clearly.
Develop examples to support your points (e.g., studies, real-life cases).
Improve sentence structure for better flow and readability.
Overall, your essay presents a balanced view but would benefit from clearer expression and stronger supporting details. Keep practicing!