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Question: Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages...

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Some people believe that music can causehelp adults and youngsters become familiar with different cultures. In my opinion, music can convey a lot of cultural information without any words and just through theirits sounds. It is my view that music is a symbol of countries' cultures. You do not need to understand their objectslanguages to enjoy their music. Music provides a unique learning experience about our history, and other people can be influenced by our music. Moreover, there are several international music festivals, and a sizeablelarge number of people attend and enjoy the music of other countries. Also, in the large countries such as Iran, there are many different ethnicities, and music has a positive effect on their relationships. In contrast, some people claim that foreign music is a threat to their culture and language in the long run. They firmly insist that this music can cause youngsters to forget their cultural musical instruments and turn to new instrumentsones. I do not find this argument convincing asbecause when people turn to other music, classical musicians try to create more interesting music, and developingthe development of the industry leads to growth in the number of fans. Also, since artists from different countries become familiar with each other, they can boostimprove the quality of their works of art. In conclusion, I completely agree that music plays a vital role in cultural communication because when people listen to music, they obtain goodgain positive feelings about other countries. For example, when I hear onea traditional instrument sound in Arabian music, I smile and feel happy to listen to a familiar voicemelody.
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This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
Some people believe that music can cause adults and youngsters become familiar with different cultures. In my opinion, music can convey a lot of cultural information without any words and just through their sounds.
Some people believe that music helps adults and youngsters become familiar with different cultures. In my opinion, music effectively conveys cultural information, not only through lyrics but also through its melodies and rhythms.
It is my view that music is a symbol of countries' cultures. You do not need to understand their objects to enjoy their music. Music provides a unique learning experience about our history, and other people can be influenced by our music. Moreover, there are several international music festivals, and a sizeable number of people attend and enjoy the music of other countries. Also, in the large countries such as Iran, there are many different ethnicities, and music has a positive effect on their relationships.
I firmly believe that music symbolizes a nation’s cultural identity. One does not need to understand the language to appreciate foreign music, as it transcends linguistic barriers. Music offers a unique insight into history and traditions, allowing people from diverse backgrounds to connect. Furthermore, international music festivals attract large audiences, enabling people to experience and enjoy the musical heritage of other countries. For instance, in multicultural nations like Iran, music fosters harmony among different ethnic groups by celebrating their distinct artistic expressions.
In contrast, some people claim that foreign music is a threat to their culture and language in the long run. They firmly insist that this music can cause youngsters forget their cultural musical instruments and turn to new instruments. I do not find this argument convincing as when people turn to other music, classical musicians try to create more interesting music, and developing the industry leads to growth in the number of fans. Also, since artists from different countries become familiar with each other, they can boost the quality of their works of art.
On the other hand, some argue that foreign music poses a threat to local culture and language over time. They contend that exposure to foreign musical styles may lead younger generations to neglect traditional instruments in favor of modern ones. However, this perspective is unconvincing, as cultural exchange often inspires innovation. When musicians encounter different genres, they refine their craft, enhancing the quality of their work. Additionally, collaboration between artists from various cultures enriches the global music scene rather than diminishing local traditions.
In conclusion, I completely agree that music plays a vital role in cultural communication because when people listen to music, they obtain good feelings about other countries. For example, when I hear one traditional instrument sound in Arabian music, I smile and feel happy to listen to a familiar voice.
In conclusion, I strongly agree that music plays a crucial role in cultural exchange. Listening to music from different cultures fosters appreciation and positive emotions. For example, when I hear the sound of a traditional Arabian instrument, I feel an instant sense of joy and connection. Thus, music serves as a powerful bridge between cultures.
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Overall Band Score
7
Overview
Vocabulary Range
average
Linking Words
average
Spelling
strong
Grammar Accuracy
average
Grammar Range
average
Cohesion
average
Paragraph Structure
average
Task Response
strong
Word Count
sufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

Feedback on Your Essay

Task Achievement

  • Your essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear opinion, agreeing that music brings people of different cultures and ages together.
  • The introduction could be slightly more precise in stating your position. Instead of saying, "music can convey a lot of cultural information without any words," you might clarify your stance more directly (e.g., "I strongly agree that music unites people across cultures and generations.").
  • The body paragraphs provide relevant examples (international festivals, Iran’s ethnic diversity) but could benefit from more specific details (e.g., names of festivals, types of instruments).
  • The counterargument is acknowledged but could be refuted more strongly. Instead of just saying "I do not find this argument convincing," you might explain why foreign music does not necessarily erase local traditions (e.g., fusion genres preserving traditional elements).

Coherence and Cohesion

  • The essay has a logical structure, with an introduction, two body paragraphs (one supporting, one refuting), and a conclusion.
  • Some transitions could be smoother. For example:
    • "Moreover, there are several international music festivals..." → "For instance, international music festivals..."
    • "In contrast, some people claim..." → "However, others argue that..."
  • The conclusion restates your position well but could summarize key points more concisely.

Lexical Resource

  • You use a good range of vocabulary (e.g., "convey," "symbol," "ethnicities," "boost the quality").
  • Some phrases could be more natural:
    • "cause adults and youngsters become familiar" → "help adults and youngsters become familiar"
    • "foreign music is a threat to their culture and language in the long run" → "foreign music may threaten local culture and language over time"
  • Avoid minor errors like "their objects" (unclear—did you mean "their lyrics" or "their meaning"?).

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • There are some grammatical errors:
    • "cause youngsters forget" → "cause youngsters to forget"
    • "when people turn to other music, classical musicians try to create..." → "when people explore other music, classical musicians strive to create..."
  • Sentence structure is mostly correct, but some sentences could be more varied (e.g., using complex structures like conditionals or relative clauses).

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Clarify your thesis in the introduction for stronger task response.
  2. Add more specific examples (e.g., names of festivals, artists, or instruments).
  3. Refine transitions between ideas for smoother flow.
  4. Proofread for grammar and word choice to avoid minor errors.

Overall, your essay presents a clear argument with relevant points. With slight refinements in clarity, examples, and grammar, it could be even stronger. Keep practicing!