Question: Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. O...
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In the present climate, advertising plays a significant role in modern businesses. While some individuals argue that advertisements can capture attention to buy products, others, including myself, hold the view that we should not pay attention to them, especially on social platforms.Regarding the first viewpoint, it is claimed that ads are undeniably effective in influencing consumers. They posit that creative ads can offer more opportunities to inform and choose from them. For instance, some well-known companies such as Apple and Samsung invest heavily in creating ads in order to showshowcase their new up-to-date devices and persuade themconsumers to purchase from thosethem. If algorithms track user performancesbehavior and deliver personalized ads, they cannot ignore them and makecreate a sense of urgency, leading to impulse buying.Opponents of advertising argue that modern consumers are bombarded with ads everywhere, from social media to billboards, as. As a result of this, oversaturation not only loses itsdiminishes their effects but also gives a sense of leads todesensitization, which is commonly known as ad fatigue. Moreover, children are vulnerable to some ads, which can harm their future,; consequently, they prefer to use adsad-blocking tools to ignore and skip them, particularly online.It seems logical to accept that providing ads can assist individuals in making better buying decisions. Additionally, also repetitive advertisements ensure brand recall, which means meaningcustomers are more likely to choose familiar products over knownunknown alternatives. However, the oversaturation of ads will diminish their effects, it. It is suggested that discovering and asking from others can be more effective compared to ads. Therefore, ignoring some of them is more practical, especially on social platforms.In conclusion, whereas advertising has become ubiquitous these days, some put forthargue for its effectiveness, depending on how relevant and creative it is, and how it helps them to have makeaffordable and valuable purchasing, while others purchases. Othersbelieve that this is merely a marketing strategy to attract consumers, and we doshould not give our attention to them. However, makingmaintaining a strict balance could be useful.
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Feedback on Your Essay
Task Achievement
Your essay addresses both views and presents your own opinion, which meets the task requirements. However, the introduction could be clearer in outlining the two perspectives before stating your stance.
Some arguments are well-developed (e.g., ad fatigue, personalized ads), but others could be expanded with more specific examples or data to strengthen your points.
The conclusion summarizes the discussion but could be more decisive in presenting your final stance.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically structured, with clear paragraphs for each viewpoint and your opinion. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother.
Phrases like "Regarding the first viewpoint" and "Opponents of advertising argue" help with cohesion, but some sentences feel slightly abrupt (e.g., "Moreover, children are vulnerable to some ads which harm their future"—this could be linked more naturally to the previous point).
The conclusion restates the discussion but could better synthesize the two perspectives before giving a final opinion.
Lexical Resource
You use a good range of vocabulary (e.g., desensitization, ad fatigue, oversaturation, impulse buying), but some word choices could be more precise. For example:
"make a sense of urgency" → "create a sense of urgency"
"give a sense of desensitization" → "lead to desensitization"
Some phrasing is awkward (e.g., "make better buying decisions, also repetitive advertisements ensure brand recall"—this could be reworded for clarity).
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There are several grammatical errors that affect clarity:
"If algorithms track user performances and deliver personalized ads, they cannot ignore them" → Unclear pronoun reference (who is "they"—users or algorithms?).
"making a strict balance could be useful" → "striking a balance" would be more natural.
Some sentences are overly complex and could be simplified for better readability (e.g., "However, oversaturation of ads will diminish their effects, it is suggested that discovering and asking from others can be more effective compared to ads.").
Suggestions for Improvement
Clarify the introduction by briefly summarizing both views before stating your opinion.
Strengthen examples—add more specific cases (e.g., statistics on ad effectiveness or consumer behavior).
Improve transitions between ideas to enhance flow.
Revise awkward phrasing and grammatical errors for better clarity.
Make the conclusion more decisive—clearly state which view you support and why.
Overall, your essay presents a balanced discussion but would benefit from more precise language and smoother transitions. Keep practicing!