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Question: In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard ...

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Some people advocate the idea that children should be encouraged to try hard to achieve every thing everything that they aim for. There are several benefits and drawbacks to this statement, which will be discussed in my essay. On the one hand, the proponents of this idea believe that having this mindset drives children to foster their progress in various areas of life. Firstly, adhering to this belief, school students may strive to excel in their academic performance by developing greatgood study habits. This determination to achieve high exam scores facilitates higher education opportunities at prestigious academic institutions and may guarantee an appropriatea suitable future career life for them. Secondly, pupils can develop new characteristics, such as perseverance and being goal-oriented, both of which are required to promote professional academic and career progression. Moreover, this belief may motivate individuals, particularly the younger people, to devote their time to exploring their potentialspotential and talents, thereby devising strategic plans to invest onin these talents. This allows individuals to acquire new skills and prevents them from wasting their time. On the other hand, there are some downsides to this statement. The most important one is that this belief ignores the fact that achieving success is a multifactorial process and, other than hard work, there are various determining factors that need to be viewedconsidered. For instance, environmental factors such as well economic status and educational facilities play an important role in facilitating children’s success. When pupils from impoverished backgrounds do not achieve their goals, especially in their schoolsschool, they may feel frustrated and hopelessnesshopeless, because they believe that they did not deserve accomplishment or put blame on themselves that they had for not workedworking hard enough. These negative feelings may have detrimental effects on their personality and may damage their self-confidence. Furthermore, by simply believing that every thing everything is achievable through hard work, young people can set unrealistic goals for their lifelives, which can waste a lot of time and energy. In conclusion, while encouraging children to work diligently may facilitate their academic and personal growth, the negative consequences of such a belief cannot be overlooked. Therefore, it is essential to instruct youngeryoung people on adoptingto adopt a rational approach toand put their efforts into realistic goals to achieve success.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
Some people advocate the idea that children should be encouraged to try hard to achieve every thing that they aim for. There are several benefits and drawbacks to this statement, which will be discussed in my essay.
Some people advocate the idea that children should be encouraged to work hard to achieve their goals. There are several benefits and drawbacks to this perspective, which will be discussed in this essay.
On the one hand, the proponents of this idea believe that having this mindset drives children to foster their progress in various areas of life. Firstly, adhering to this belief, school students may strive to excel their academic performance by developing great study habits. This determination to achieve high exam scores facilitates higher education opportunities at prestigious academic institutions and may guarantee an appropriate future career life for them. Secondly, pupils can develop new characteristics , such as perseverance and being goal-oriented, both of which are required to promote professional academic and career progression. Moreover, this belief may motivate individuals, particularly the younger people, to devote their time to exploring their potentials and talents, thereby devising strategic plans to invest on these talents. This allows individuals to acquire new skills and prevents them from wasting their time.
On the one hand, proponents argue that this mindset motivates children to progress in various aspects of life. Firstly, students may strive to excel academically by developing strong study habits. This determination to achieve high exam scores can lead to opportunities at prestigious institutions and promising future careers. Secondly, children can cultivate valuable traits such as perseverance and goal-orientation, which are essential for professional and academic advancement. Moreover, this belief encourages young individuals to explore their potential and talents, enabling them to develop strategic plans to nurture these abilities. Consequently, they acquire new skills while avoiding unproductive use of their time.
On the other hand, there are some downsides to this statement. The most important one is that this belief ignores the fact that achieving success is a multifactorial process and other than hard work, there are various determining factors that need to be viewed. For instance, environmental factors such as well economic status and educational facilities play important role in facilitating children’s success. When pupils from impoverished backgrounds do not achieve their goals, especially in their schools, they may feel frustrated and hopelessness, because they believe that they did not deserve accomplishment or put blame on themselves that they had not worked hard. These negative feelings may have detrimental effects on their personality and may damage their self-confidence. Furthermore, by simply believing that every thing is achievable through hard work, young people can set unrealistic goals for their life, which can waste a lot of time and energy.
On the other hand, there are significant drawbacks to this viewpoint. Most importantly, it overlooks the fact that success depends on multiple factors beyond mere effort. Environmental elements such as economic status and access to educational resources play crucial roles in facilitating achievement. When children from disadvantaged backgrounds fail to reach their goals despite hard work, they may experience frustration and hopelessness, wrongly attributing their lack of success to personal failure. These negative emotions can harm their self-esteem and psychological well-being. Additionally, the belief that anything is achievable through hard work alone may lead young people to pursue unrealistic ambitions, resulting in wasted time and energy.
In conclusion, while encouraging children to work diligently may facilitate their academic and personal growth, the negative consequences of such a belief cannot be overlooked. Therefore, it is essential to instruct younger people on adopting a rational approach to put their efforts into realistic goals to achieve success.
In conclusion, while encouraging diligence can foster children's development, the potential adverse effects of this belief must not be ignored. It is therefore crucial to guide young individuals in applying their efforts toward realistic and attainable objectives.
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Check your essay for this topic
Overall Band Score
7.5
Overview
Vocabulary Range
strong
Linking Words
strong
Spelling
average
Grammar Accuracy
strong
Grammar Range
strong
Cohesion
strong
Paragraph Structure
strong
Task Response
strong
Word Count
sufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

Feedback on Your Essay

Task Achievement

  • Strengths:

    • Your essay fully addresses the prompt, discussing both advantages and disadvantages of telling children they can achieve anything through hard work.
    • You provide clear arguments with relevant examples (e.g., academic success, perseverance, economic barriers).
    • The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and offers a balanced perspective.
  • Areas for Improvement:

    • Some points could be more concise. For example, the introduction could be slightly shorter while still maintaining clarity.
    • The phrase "every thing" should be written as "everything" (one word).
    • The example of impoverished children could be expanded slightly to strengthen the argument (e.g., how systemic barriers affect their opportunities).

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Strengths:

    • The essay is well-structured with clear paragraphing (introduction, advantages, disadvantages, conclusion).
    • Transition words (On the one hand, Firstly, Secondly, Moreover, On the other hand, For instance, Furthermore, In conclusion) enhance logical flow.
    • Ideas are logically connected, making the argument easy to follow.
  • Areas for Improvement:

    • Some sentences are slightly long and could be broken into shorter ones for better readability (e.g., "This determination to achieve high exam scores facilitates higher education opportunities at prestigious academic institutions and may guarantee an appropriate future career life for them.").
    • A few minor grammatical errors affect cohesion (e.g., "excel their academic performance" should be "excel in their academic performance").

Lexical Resource

  • Strengths:

    • You use a good range of vocabulary (perseverance, goal-oriented, multifactorial process, detrimental effects).
    • Academic and formal language is appropriately used.
  • Areas for Improvement:

    • Some word choices could be more precise (e.g., "put blame on themselves" could be "blame themselves").
    • Avoid redundancy (e.g., "professional academic and career progression" could be simplified to "academic and career success").
    • Minor spelling errors ("hopelessness" should be "hopeless" in the context of the sentence).

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Strengths:

    • You demonstrate a good command of complex sentence structures.
    • Most grammar is accurate, and verb tenses are used correctly.
  • Areas for Improvement:

    • Some subject-verb agreement issues ("pupils can develop new characteristics , such as perseverance and being goal-oriented, both of which are required to promote professional academic and career progression." – "are required" should agree with "characteristics").
    • Article usage needs attention ("an appropriate future career life" could be "a successful future career").
    • Minor punctuation errors (e.g., unnecessary space before a comma in "characteristics , such as").

Final Suggestions

  • Refine sentence structure for better clarity and conciseness.
  • Proofread carefully to eliminate minor grammatical and spelling errors.
  • Ensure word choice precision to enhance lexical sophistication.

Overall, this is a strong essay with well-developed arguments. With slight refinements in grammar and conciseness, it could be even more effective. Keep up the good work!