Question: Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. O...

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Advertising plays a vital role in persuading consumers to purchase goods, according to some people, while others argue that advertising has become so ubiquitouscommon that it no longer attracts attention. This essay will exploreexamine both views and argue that while advertising may be less effective for some, it still holds significant power in influencing purchasing decisions when executeddone creatively. On the one hand, the sheer volumenumber of advertisements that people encounter on a daily basis has led many to disregardignore them. With the rapid growth of social media platforms and digital marketing, individuals are constantly exposed to a wide arrayvariety of advertisements, whether they are browsing the internet, watching television, or listening to the radio. This constant bombardmentexposure can lead to desensitization, where consumers become less likely to engage with ads. Additionally, the similarity in content across advertisements can result in a lack of noveltyoriginality, causing ads to lose their appeal. For example, many ads in the beauty or fashion industry tend to focus on similar themes, making it difficult for any particular campaign to stand out. On the other hand, advertising can still play a crucial role in influencing purchasing decisions. If companies tailor their advertisements to highlight the unique featuresaspects of their products in an engaging way, they can effectively attract consumers. This is evident in industries such as cosmetics and healthcare, where extensive advertising campaigns often drive consumer demand. Furthermore, despite the saturation of advertisements, many people still rely on them to inform their purchasing choices, especially when considering new products. If companies create ads that resonate with their target audience, combining entertainment with useful information, they are likely to maintain their impact on consumers. In conclusion, although advertising may have lost some of its influence due to overexposure, it remains a powerful tool in persuading consumers to make purchases, provided the content is compelling and relevant. Personally, I believe that advertising still plays a critical role in shaping consumer behavior, especially when it is tailored to the interests and preferences of the audience.
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Overall Band Score
8.5
Overview
Vocabulary Range
strong
Linking Words
strong
Spelling
strong
Grammar Accuracy
strong
Grammar Range
strong
Cohesion
strong
Paragraph Structure
strong
Task Response
strong
Word Count
sufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

Feedback on the Essay

Task Achievement:
The essay effectively addresses both views presented in the prompt and provides a clear opinion. The arguments are well-developed, with relevant examples (e.g., beauty and fashion industry ads, cosmetics, and healthcare campaigns) to support each perspective. The conclusion summarizes the discussion and reinforces the writer’s stance. However, the introduction could be slightly more concise, and the personal opinion could be integrated more naturally into the body paragraphs rather than just appearing in the conclusion.

Coherence and Cohesion:
The essay is logically structured, with clear paragraphing and smooth transitions between ideas. The use of cohesive devices (e.g., "On the one hand," "On the other hand," "Furthermore," "In conclusion") helps guide the reader through the argument. However, some sentences could be more varied in structure to enhance flow. For example, the second body paragraph could benefit from a stronger topic sentence to introduce the counterargument more clearly.

Lexical Resource:
The vocabulary is appropriate and varied, with terms like "ubiquitous," "desensitization," "bombardment," and "resonate" demonstrating a good range. However, there is some repetition of words like "advertising" and "consumers," which could be replaced with synonyms (e.g., "marketing," "buyers," "audience") for greater lexical diversity. Additionally, a few phrases could be more precise—for example, "rapid growth of social media platforms" could be sharpened to "proliferation of digital advertising."

Grammatical Range and Accuracy:
The grammar is mostly accurate, with a mix of complex and simple sentence structures. However, there are minor issues:

  • "If companies tailor their advertisements to highlight the unique features of their products in an engaging way, they can effectively attract consumers." (This is grammatically correct but could be more concise: "Tailoring ads to highlight unique features engagingly can effectively attract consumers.")
  • "This is evident in industries such as cosmetics and healthcare, where extensive advertising campaigns often drive consumer demand." (Consider: "This is evident in sectors like cosmetics and healthcare, where aggressive ad campaigns frequently boost sales.")
  • Some passive constructions could be made more active for clarity (e.g., "ads are often ignored" → "consumers often ignore ads").

Suggestions for Improvement:

  1. Introduction: Make it slightly more concise by avoiding repetition of the prompt.
  2. Body Paragraphs: Strengthen topic sentences to make the argument progression clearer.
  3. Vocabulary: Use more synonyms to avoid repetition.
  4. Grammar: Opt for more varied sentence structures and active voice where possible.
  5. Opinion Integration: Weave the personal view more naturally into the body paragraphs rather than reserving it for the conclusion.

Overall, this is a well-structured and thoughtful essay that effectively discusses both sides of the argument. With minor refinements in conciseness, lexical variety, and sentence structure, it could be even stronger.