Feedback on Your Essay

Task Achievement

• Strengths:

  • You address both views as required by the prompt, discussing the argument that advertising is ineffective due to overexposure and the counterargument that some ads are still persuasive.
  • You provide examples (niche marketing, demand-based marketing) to support your opinion, which strengthens your argument.
  • Your position is clear: you believe that well-crafted advertising can still be effective.

• Areas for Improvement:

  • Some ideas are not fully developed. For example, the explanation of how niche marketing works could be expanded for clarity.
  • The conclusion is somewhat repetitive and could summarize the key points more effectively.
  • Some statements are vague (e.g., "some special advertising methode could make negligible motivation on people"). Be more precise in your wording.

Coherence and Cohesion

• Strengths:

  • The essay follows a logical structure: introduction, discussion of both views, and a conclusion.
  • You use some linking words (e.g., "Although," "Hence," "in conclusion") to connect ideas.

• Areas for Improvement:

  • Some sentences are awkwardly phrased, making the flow less smooth (e.g., "Its beilieve that human brain elliminate some distactors to rise our concentration").
  • Paragraph transitions could be smoother. For example, the shift between the two main viewpoints could be clearer.
  • Avoid run-on sentences (e.g., "the niche marketing method could be illustrative example of an effective advertising method which try to target specific share of market").

Lexical Resource

• Strengths:

  • You use some topic-specific vocabulary (e.g., "niche marketing," "demand-based marketing," "sophisticated slogans").
  • There is an attempt at varied word choice (e.g., "intriguing," "negligible," "persuasive").

• Areas for Improvement:

  • Several spelling and word choice errors reduce clarity (e.g., "methode" → "method," "elliminate" → "eliminate," "voulum" → "volume").
  • Some phrases are unnatural (e.g., "make negligible motivation on people" → "have little effect on people").
  • Avoid redundancy (e.g., "immenselly effective" → "highly effective").

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

• Strengths:

  • You attempt complex sentence structures (e.g., conditional sentences, relative clauses).
  • Some sentences are grammatically correct and well-structured.

• Areas for Improvement:

  • Many grammatical errors affect clarity (e.g., "costumers select their choices in advance" → "consumers make their choices beforehand").
  • Subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., "human brain elliminate" → "the human brain eliminates").
  • Article misuse (e.g., "the niche marketing method" → "niche marketing").
  • Inconsistent verb tenses (e.g., "some people advocate this idea that some intriguing advertising method point out could products" → "some argue that certain advertising methods can highlight products").

Suggestions for Improvement

1. Proofread for grammar and spelling – Use tools like Grammarly or read aloud to catch errors.
2. Simplify complex sentences – If a sentence is too long, break it into two for clarity.
3. Expand explanations – Provide more detail on how niche marketing and demand-based marketing work.
4. Use more natural phrasing – Avoid direct translations from your native language; read model essays to improve fluency.
5. Work on cohesion – Ensure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next with clear transitions.

Overall, your essay has a good structure and addresses the prompt, but refining grammar, vocabulary, and clarity will significantly improve your score. Keep practicing!