Question: Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. O...
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Some people believe that the advertising sector is significantly successful at persuading us to purchase products while others mentionedmention that this waymethod is so regularcommon that there isit has no influence aton us. I personally agree with the former opinion.On the one hand, some individuals believe that advertising is a traditional and out of date outdatedmethod for makemaking people to buy products. This minorsmall group haveholds the opinion that adult people adultscan make reasonable decisions and list their needed thingsitems and justonly spend money on them. Moreover, they believe that allmost people knoware aware of the advertisementadvertising sector and theirits tactics for manipulating people to purchaseinto purchasing products that they do not need. TheyAdvertisers have their special tricktricks to forcepersuade people to buy. For example, when you see banners all around the city aboutpromoting a new product, you cannot avoid not to buy buyingit, and this need a resisting requiresstrong attemptwillpower.On the other hand, a major group majorityof people believe that advertising method still has theiran influence on people, an opinion with which I strongly agree with this opinion. These individuals know that advertisements with their tricks aiming targetour subconscious, pronoun and we cannot defend against them. For instance, when you go to a clothing shop to buy an item which you need, meanwhile, you may also see discounted items and they thatare so temptation and temptingyou are unable to cannotresist. In otheranother situation, if you have parents’ roleare a parent, it couldyou might be possible that you are very strong-willed, but your children are not—they are easily influenced by advertisements, and your children arebecome your weakness.In conclusion, while some minora small group of people have the opinion believethat we are not getno longer influenced by advertisements, any more but in my perspectiveview, most people are unable to resist not to buy useless buying unnecessaryproducts due to their subconscious pronoun or their children.
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Feedback on Your Essay
Task Achievement
You have addressed both views and provided your own opinion, which meets the task requirements. However, your arguments could be more developed and supported with stronger examples.
Some points are unclear or repetitive (e.g., "subconscious pronoun" should likely be "subconscious mind").
The conclusion restates your opinion but could be more concise and refined.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, but some sentences are awkwardly phrased, making the flow less smooth.
Transition words could be used more effectively (e.g., "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" are used correctly, but some sentences lack clear connections).
Paragraphing is appropriate, but some ideas within paragraphs could be better organized.
Lexical Resource
There are several word choice errors (e.g., "pronoun" instead of "mind," "temptation" instead of "tempting").
Some phrases are unnatural (e.g., "advertising sector," "traditional and out of date method").
Repetition of words like "believe" and "opinion" could be reduced with synonyms.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There are multiple grammatical errors:
Subject-verb agreement: "This minor group have" → "This minor group has."
Incorrect prepositions: "for make people to buy" → "for making people buy."
Unnecessary words: "you cannot avoid not to buy it" → "you cannot avoid buying it."
Tense issues: "you are unable to resist not to buy" → "you are unable to resist buying."
Sentence structure is sometimes confusing (e.g., "your children are your weakness" could be clearer).
Suggestions for Improvement
Clarify and refine ideas: Some arguments are unclear (e.g., "subconscious pronoun").
Improve grammar and word choice: Proofread for errors and use more natural phrasing.
Strengthen examples: Provide more concrete or relatable examples to support your points.
Vary vocabulary: Use synonyms to avoid repetition.
Overall, your essay presents a balanced discussion, but refining grammar, clarity, and supporting details would make it stronger. Keep practicing!