Question: Some people think that competition at work, at school, and in daily life is a good thing. ...
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Diverse perspectives regarding competition or cooperation are prevalent among individuals. While some argue that competition in various aspects of life such as schools, work, and everyday life has benefits, others think that it is preferable to collaborate with each otherone another. Personally, in my view, coordination is more beneficial.
On the one hand, some support the idea that creating a competitive environment has many benefits such as hard work and self-improvement. When people create a competitive environment, by observing how others make an effort and exert energy for their goals, they try harder to achieve their own objectives. In other words, it operates as a stimulationstimulus. Additionally, competing with other individuals can lead to self-improvement. This is because they may want to be the winner of this competition. Consequently, they try to enhance their skills and abilities by attending various courses or strengthening their previousexisting skills by mastering them.
On the other hand, some think that since constant competition may have some potential drawbacks, it is better to cooperate with others than to compete. They say that rivalry can cause feelings of anxiety and stress because you want to be superior all the time. Therefore, if they experience failure, they may lose their confidence and think they are not good enough. This issue, in the long run, may create a sense of disappointment. Moreover, collaboration with others can increase the speed of the movement toward success. For instance, in the workplace, if one employee struggles with a certain subject, they can ask for help from their colleagues and use their knowledge to solve the problem in a short amount of time. In conclusion, despite the potential benefits of competition, namely, personal growth and moregreater dedication, I believe that cooperation with others has countless advantages, including achieving your attainmentsgoals quickly and avoiding the negative consequences of comparing yourself with others.
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Task Achievement
Strengths: The essay addresses both views of the prompt, discussing the benefits of competition and cooperation. It also provides a clear opinion, favoring cooperation over competition.
Areas for Improvement: While the essay covers the main points, it could benefit from more specific examples or evidence to support the claims made. For instance, providing a real-world example of how cooperation has led to success in a particular field could strengthen the argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Strengths: The essay is well-structured, with clear paragraphs dedicated to each viewpoint. The use of linking words such as "on the one hand" and "on the other hand" helps in transitioning between ideas.
Areas for Improvement: The conclusion could be more distinct and separate from the last body paragraph. Additionally, the essay could benefit from more varied transitional phrases to enhance the flow between sentences and ideas.
Lexical Resource
Strengths: The vocabulary used is appropriate and relevant to the topic. Terms like "self-improvement," "stimulation," and "collaboration" are effectively used.
Areas for Improvement: There is room for more varied and sophisticated vocabulary. For example, instead of "try harder," phrases like "strive diligently" could be used to demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Strengths: The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar, with mostly accurate sentence structures and verb tenses.
Areas for Improvement: There are minor grammatical errors, such as "some support that creating a competitive environment has many benefits" which could be rephrased for clarity. Additionally, more complex sentence structures could be employed to showcase a wider range of grammatical skills.
Overall, the essay effectively discusses both sides of the argument and presents a clear opinion. With more specific examples, varied vocabulary, and complex sentence structures, the response could be further enhanced.