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Question: Some people think that competition at work, at school, and in daily life is a good thing. ...

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Diverse perspectives regarding competition or cooperation are prevalent among individuals. While some argue that competition in various aspects of life such as schools, work, and everyday life has benefits, others think that it is preferable to collaborate with each otherone another. Personally, in my view, coordination is more beneficial. On the one hand, some support the idea that creating a competitive environment has many benefits such as hard work and self-improvement. When people create a competitive environment, by observing how others make an effort and exert energy for their goals, they try harder to achieve their own objectives. In other words, it operates as a stimulationstimulus. Additionally, competing with other individuals can lead to self-improvement. This is because they may want to be the winner of this competition. Consequently, they try to enhance their skills and abilities by attending various courses or strengthening their previousexisting skills by mastering them. On the other hand, some think that since constant competition may have some potential drawbacks, it is better to cooperate with others than to compete. They say that rivalry can cause feelings of anxiety and stress because you want to be superior all the time. Therefore, if they experience failure, they may lose their confidence and think they are not good enough. This issue, in the long run, may create a sense of disappointment. Moreover, collaboration with others can increase the speed of the movement toward success. For instance, in the workplace, if one employee struggles with a certain subject, they can ask for help from their colleagues and use their knowledge to solve the problem in a short amount of time. In conclusion, despite the potential benefits of competition, namely, personal growth and moregreater dedication, I believe that cooperation with others has countless advantages, including achieving your attainmentsgoals quickly and avoiding the negative consequences of comparing yourself with others.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
Diverse perspectives regarding competition or cooperation are prevalent among individuals. While some argue that competition in various aspects of life such as schools, work, and everyday life has benefits, others think that it is preferable to collaborate with each other. Personally, in my view coordination is more beneficial. On the one hand, some support that creating a competitive environment has many benefits such as hard work and self-improvement. When people create a competitive environment, by observing how others make an effort and energy for their goals, try harder to achieve their own objectives. In other words, it operates as a stimulation. Additionally, competing with other individuals can lead to self-improvement. This is because they may want to be the winner of this competition. Consequently, they try to enhance their skills and abilities by attending various courses or strengthening their previous skills by mastering them. On the other hand, some think that since constant competition may have some potential drawbacks it is better to cooperate with others than compete. They say that rivalry can cause feelings of anxiety and stress because you want to be superior all the time. Therefore, if they experience failure they may lose their confidence and think they are not good enough. This issue in the long run may create a sense of disappointment. Moreover, collaboration with others can increase the speed of the movement toward success. For instance, in the workplace, if one employee struggles with a certain subject, they can ask for help from their colleagues and use their knowledge to solve the problem in a short amount of time. In conclusion, despite the potential benefits of competition, namely, personal growth and more dedication, I believe that cooperation with others has countless advantages including achieving your attainments quickly and avoiding the negative consequences of comparing yourself with others.
Diverse perspectives regarding competition and cooperation are prevalent among individuals. While some argue that competition in various aspects of life, such as education, the workplace, and daily interactions, has its benefits, others believe that collaboration is preferable. Personally, I contend that cooperation is more advantageous. On the one hand, proponents of competition argue that it fosters hard work and self-improvement. In a competitive environment, individuals are motivated to strive harder to achieve their own objectives by observing the efforts and determination of others. In other words, competition serves as a powerful stimulus. Additionally, competing with others can lead to significant self-improvement, as individuals may aspire to be the best in their field. Consequently, they often enhance their skills and abilities by enrolling in various courses or refining their existing skills through practice and mastery. On the other hand, critics of constant competition highlight its potential drawbacks, suggesting that cooperation is a more beneficial approach. They argue that rivalry can induce feelings of anxiety and stress, as individuals may feel pressured to always outperform others. This pressure can lead to a loss of confidence in the face of failure, fostering a sense of inadequacy. Over time, such experiences can result in disappointment and discouragement. Moreover, collaboration can accelerate the journey toward success. For instance, in the workplace, if an employee encounters difficulties with a particular task, they can seek assistance from colleagues, leveraging their collective knowledge to resolve the issue more efficiently. In conclusion, despite the potential benefits of competition, such as personal growth and increased dedication, I firmly believe that cooperation offers numerous advantages, including the ability to achieve goals more swiftly and the avoidance of the negative consequences associated with constant comparison to others.
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Overall Band Score
7.5
Overview
Vocabulary Range
strong
Linking Words
strong
Spelling
strong
Grammar Accuracy
average
Grammar Range
average
Cohesion
strong
Paragraph Structure
strong
Task Response
strong
Word Count
sufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

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Task Achievement

  • Strengths: The essay addresses both views of the prompt, discussing the benefits of competition and cooperation. It also provides a clear opinion, favoring cooperation over competition.
  • Areas for Improvement: While the essay covers the main points, it could benefit from more specific examples or evidence to support the claims made. For instance, providing a real-world example of how cooperation has led to success in a particular field could strengthen the argument.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Strengths: The essay is well-structured, with clear paragraphs dedicated to each viewpoint. The use of linking words such as "on the one hand" and "on the other hand" helps in transitioning between ideas.
  • Areas for Improvement: The conclusion could be more distinct and separate from the last body paragraph. Additionally, the essay could benefit from more varied transitional phrases to enhance the flow between sentences and ideas.

Lexical Resource

  • Strengths: The vocabulary used is appropriate and relevant to the topic. Terms like "self-improvement," "stimulation," and "collaboration" are effectively used.
  • Areas for Improvement: There is room for more varied and sophisticated vocabulary. For example, instead of "try harder," phrases like "strive diligently" could be used to demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Strengths: The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar, with mostly accurate sentence structures and verb tenses.
  • Areas for Improvement: There are minor grammatical errors, such as "some support that creating a competitive environment has many benefits" which could be rephrased for clarity. Additionally, more complex sentence structures could be employed to showcase a wider range of grammatical skills.

Overall, the essay effectively discusses both sides of the argument and presents a clear opinion. With more specific examples, varied vocabulary, and complex sentence structures, the response could be further enhanced.