Balang
  • Home
  • Speaking
  • Blog
lemon logo
Balang is committed to revolutionizing language learning, empowering individuals worldwide to achieve their aspirations through innovative technology and personalized education.
Terms of ServicePrivacy PolicyRefund Policy
Contact
Email
telegram logo
Telegram

Question: In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard ...

Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
In some countries, people tell to their young generations that they can achieve anything throufh hardworkingthrough hard work and dedication. whileWhile this statement offeroffers some advantages such as motivating children and chancesopportunities for personal and perfossionalprofessional growth, it can asloalso present some drawbacks such as creating unrealsticunrealistic expectations. whenWhen children are encouraged to believe that they can achieve anything through hardworkinghard work, it can create positive mindsets and attitudeattitudes among them. Individuals face various problems and obstacles in life,; if they have positive beliefs and mindsetmindsets, they can be motivated to keeppersevere with preseverance and resilince resilience throughout their lives. By having a strong spirit and resilinceresilience, individuals can achieve their golasgoals and fulfill their dreams, which not only can boost boosts their self-confidence but also helps them to growtgrow both proffesionallyprofessionally and personally. This can lead to having more productive and efficient empolyeesemployees in different sectors such as, techonology technology and economy, contributing to flourichgrowth in these areas. However, this development can peresentpresent some drawbacks. If individuals are constantly told that they can acquire any thing anything through endevaourendeavour, it can create some unrealstic expectationunrealistic expectations in them. In the real world, our achievmenetachievements are affected by external factors, and these factors can lead to failure desptie hardworkingdespite hard work. Therefore, when children experience failure, they may feel extremely disappointed and disableddiscouraged. ThisThese experiences may hinder them from trying again, becasuebecause they fear from failure. Children should be taught about the failure to understand thay some time manythat sometimes they may not be able to achieve their goals, to be full preaperde futuresbetter prepared for the future. In conclusion, although creating such a positive mindset can motivate children to keep up persevere with preseverance and resilience in life, this can also generate some unrealstic expectaionunrealistic expectations in them.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
In some countries, people tell to their young generations that they can achieve anything throufh hardworking and dedication. while this statement offer some advantages such as motivating children and chances for personal and perfossional growth, it can aslo present some drawbacks such as creating unrealstic expectations.
In some countries, people tell their young generations that they can achieve anything through hard work and dedication. While this statement offers some advantages, such as motivating children and providing opportunities for personal and professional growth, it can also present some drawbacks, such as creating unrealistic expectations.
when children are encouraged that they can achieve anything through hardworking, it can create positive mindsets and attitude among them. Individuals face various problems and obstacles in life, if they have positive beliefs and mindset,they can be motivated to keep with preseverance and resilince throughout their lives. By having strong spirit and resilince, individuals can achieve their golas and fulfill their dreams, which not only can boost their self-confidence but also helps them to growt both proffesionally and personally. This can lead to having more productive and efficient empolyees in different sectors such as, techonology and economy, contributing to flourich in these areas.
When children are encouraged to believe they can achieve anything through hard work, it can foster positive mindsets and attitudes. Individuals face various problems and obstacles in life; if they have positive beliefs and mindsets, they can be motivated to persevere and remain resilient. By cultivating determination and resilience, individuals can achieve their goals and fulfill their dreams, which not only boosts their self-confidence but also helps them grow both professionally and personally. This can lead to more productive and efficient employees in various sectors, such as technology and the economy, contributing to growth in these areas.
However, this development can peresent some drawbacks. If individuals are constantly told that they can acquire any thing through endevaour, it can create some unrealstic expectation in them. In real world, our achievmenet are affected by external factors and these factors can lead to failure desptie hardworking. Therefore, when children experience failure they may feel extremely disappointed and disabled. This experiences may hinder them from trying again, becasue they fear from failure. Children should be taught about the failure to understand thay some time many not be able to achieve their goals to be full preaperde futures.
However, this mindset can also present some drawbacks. If individuals are constantly told that they can achieve anything through effort, it may create unrealistic expectations. In the real world, our achievements are influenced by external factors, and these factors can lead to failure despite hard work. Consequently, when children experience failure, they may feel extremely disappointed and discouraged. These experiences may prevent them from trying again due to fear of failure. Children should be taught about failure to understand that sometimes they may not achieve their goals, preparing them for the future.
In conclusion although creating such positive mindset can motivate children to keep up with preseverance and resilience in life, this can also generate some unrealstic expectaion in them.
In conclusion, although fostering such a positive mindset can motivate children to persevere and remain resilient in life, it can also generate unrealistic expectations.
See more samples for this topic
Check your essay for this topic
Overall Band Score
5.5
Overview
Vocabulary Range
average
Linking Words
average
Spelling
weak
Grammar Accuracy
weak
Grammar Range
average
Cohesion
average
Paragraph Structure
average
Task Response
average
Word Count
sufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

Feedback on Your Essay:

Task Achievement:

  • Your essay addresses the prompt and presents both advantages and disadvantages of telling children they can achieve anything through hard work.
  • The ideas are relevant, but some points could be developed further for clarity and depth. For example, the advantages of professional growth could be expanded with specific examples.
  • The conclusion is present but could be more detailed, summarizing the key points more effectively.

Coherence and Cohesion:

  • The essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
  • Some sentences are awkwardly phrased, making the flow less smooth (e.g., "when children are encouraged that they can achieve anything through hardworking").
  • Transition words could be used more effectively to improve the connection between ideas (e.g., "However," is used well, but others like "Furthermore" or "On the other hand" could strengthen cohesion).

Lexical Resource:

  • There are several spelling and word choice errors (e.g., "throufh" instead of "through," "perfossional" instead of "professional," "endevaour" instead of "endeavor").
  • Some words are misused (e.g., "growth" is misspelled as "growt," "preaperde" instead of "prepared").
  • The vocabulary is somewhat repetitive (e.g., "hardworking" is overused; synonyms like "persistence" or "effort" could be used).

Grammatical Range and Accuracy:

  • There are frequent grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., "this statement offer" should be "this statement offers").
  • Incorrect verb forms (e.g., "keep with preseverance" should be "persevere" or "maintain perseverance").
  • Sentence structure is sometimes unclear (e.g., "This experiences may hinder them from trying again, becasue they fear from failure" could be rephrased for clarity).

Suggestions for Improvement:

  • Proofread carefully to correct spelling and grammar mistakes.
  • Expand explanations with examples or deeper analysis to strengthen arguments.
  • Use a wider range of vocabulary to avoid repetition.
  • Improve sentence structure for better clarity and flow.

Overall, your essay has a good foundation but needs refinement in language accuracy and coherence. Keep practicing!