Question: Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines...
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In recent decades, most people hashave become interested in home remedies to cure their health issues instead of visiting their doctors. While this situation can be beneficial to save money and time, in my view, the drawbacks, such as not the widespreading the diseasedisease spreading, have brought more significant consequences.
On one hand, the trend of curing health issues at home becomeshas become common among individuals. This can be considered a negative situation due to several reasons. Firstly, people have to undrestandunderstand that doctors and related professionals hadhave studied their subjects for more than six years, therefore they have an essential knowledge to dignosediagnose and use the best treatment for them, and also they are aware of the advancements in medicensmedicine. There for Therefore,visiting doctors is always is a thebest solution to cure the health-related problems. In addition, patients often, in their homes, take their old medicines, which it might be expired, or home remedies, such as drinking lemeonlemon with honey and hot water, as their main treatmetstreatments. In fact, these mentioned alternative treatments can be effective besidesalongside the doctor’s prescription. As a result, if their illness can not cannotbe cured, more people will get the virus from them.
On the other hand, others argue that, by using the remedies at home, there are more advantages for us. The most important one is saving a reasonable amount of money. They belivebelieve that doctors always instruct us to take extra tests or medicines, leading to spending a lot of money that we cancould use them in a better way. For example, instead of spending money on unessentialunnecessary tests, people can buy useful products for their children. At the same time, most parents believe that they can save their valuable time to be more productive in their lives. For instantinstance, if they do not waste their time in waiting rooms, they can spend time with their children.
In conclusion, in the modern world, more people have been encouraged to use home remedies and the traditional treatments at their homes and refusingrefuse to visit their doctors. Although this situation carries certain advantages, like people can save their time to do their favouritsfavourite tasks, I assert that it represents a negative developmentsdevelopment due to its potential drawbacks, including disease becomediseases becoming widespread among others.
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Feedback on Your Essay
Task Achievement
Clarity of Position: Your stance is clear—you believe the trend is negative. However, the introduction could be more concise. The phrase "not the widespreading the disease" is unclear; consider rephrasing to "the risk of spreading diseases."
Supporting Arguments: You provide relevant points (e.g., doctors' expertise, risks of self-medication, financial savings). However, some arguments lack depth. For example, the claim that doctors always recommend unnecessary tests needs more evidence or examples.
Conclusion: Restates your position well but could be more impactful. Avoid minor errors like "negative developments" (should be "a negative development").
Coherence and Cohesion
Logical Flow: The essay is structured logically, but some transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, "On the other hand, others argue..." could be introduced more naturally.
Paragraphing: Well-organized, but the second body paragraph (on advantages) is slightly weaker in argumentation.
Repetition: Some phrases are repeated (e.g., "save money and time" appears multiple times). Try to vary your wording.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary Range: You use a mix of formal and informal language. Some words are misused ("undrestand" → "understand", "widespreading" → "spreading").
Word Choice: Avoid awkward phrasing like "most people has become interested" (should be "have become interested").
Sentence Structure: Some sentences are overly complex or unclear (e.g., "patients often, in their homes, take their old medicines, which it might be expired" → "patients often take expired medicines at home").
Subject-Verb Agreement: Errors like "most people has" (should be "have") and "this situation can beneficial" (should be "can be beneficial") need correction.
Article Usage: Missing or incorrect articles (e.g., "a best solution" → "the best solution").
Suggestions for Improvement
Proofread Carefully: Fix spelling and grammar mistakes to improve clarity.
Strengthen Arguments: Provide more concrete examples (e.g., statistics on self-medication risks).
Improve Word Choice: Use more precise vocabulary (e.g., "alternative treatments" instead of "home remedies" in some cases).
Vary Sentence Structure: Mix simple and complex sentences for better flow.
Overall, your essay presents a clear argument but would benefit from more precise language and stronger supporting details. Keep practicing!