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Question: It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their perso...

Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
People should take risks in their personal and proffesionalprofessional life. PersonallayPersonally, I belivebelieve the advantages of taking risks outweightoutweigh the drawbacks that itthey may present. This can open up numerous opportunities for them thanthat cannot be accessible otherwise. Taking risks can offer several advantages in peroffesionalprofessional life. This provides chances for proffessional developmentsprofessional development. Individuals who take riskrisks often secure better employement opportunitesemployment opportunities. For exmpleexample, many employessemployees take riskrisks by changing their jobs, and they often enjoy higher incomes and promising prosposetprospects in their new jobs. This not only can increase theirthe quality of their lives but asloalso enhances their job- satisfaction. Moreover, Manymany students asloalso pursue haigher eduactionhigher education by immigrating to other countries, which can make theirthem more employeableemployable in competitive job markemarkets and lead to a better quality of life. As a result, many progression progressions in job and education is happend happen by taking risks. In personal life, taking risks can lead to personal growth. Many individuals take risks by immigrateimmigrating to other countries to expriencreexperience a better qualalityquality of life, which often leadtleads to positive results. Additionally, many people can learn life-long lessons from their fauilerfailures, eventhougheven though it cannot lead achieveto achieving their goals. By acquiring new expriencesexperiences, they increase their chance to fulfilechances of fulfilling their dreamdreams in future endeavourendeavours. In conclusion, although taking risks sometimes can lead to failruefailure, it often can result in acheivingachieving skills and experiences,; they often can provide chances for personal and proffesionalprofessional growth. Therefore, therfore the advantages of taking riskrisks outweigh thrthe drawbacks thay itthat they may offer.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
People should take risks in their personal and proffesional life. Personallay, I belive the advantages of taking risks outweight the drawbacks that it may present.This can open up numerous opportunities for them than cannot be accessible otherwise.
People should take risks in their personal and professional lives. Personally, I believe the advantages of taking risks outweigh the drawbacks that they may present. This approach can open up numerous opportunities that would otherwise be inaccessible.
Taking risks can offer several advantages in peroffesional life. This provides chances for proffessional developments. Individuals who take risk often secure better employement opportunites. For exmple, many employess take risk by changing their jobs, and they often enjoy higher incomes and promising prosposet in their new jobs. This not only can increase their quality of their lives but aslo enhances their job-satisfaction. Moreover, Many students aslo pursue haigher eduaction by immigrating to other countries which can make their more employeable in competitive job marke and lead to better quality of life. As a result, many progression in job and education is happend by taking risks.
Taking risks can offer several advantages in professional life. It provides chances for professional development. Individuals who take risks often secure better employment opportunities. For example, many employees take the risk of changing their jobs, and they often enjoy higher incomes and promising prospects in their new positions. This not only increases their quality of life but also enhances their job satisfaction. Moreover, many students pursue higher education by immigrating to other countries, which can make them more employable in competitive job markets and lead to a better quality of life. As a result, many advancements in job and education occur as a result of taking risks.
In personal life, taking risks can lead to personal growth. Many individuals take risks by immigrate to other countries to expriencre better qualality of life which often leadt to positive results. Additionally, many people can learn life-long lessons from their fauiler, eventhough it cannot lead achieve their goals. By acquiring new expriences they increase their chance to fulfile their dream in future endeavour.
In personal life, taking risks can lead to personal growth. Many individuals take risks by moving to other countries to experience a better quality of life, which often leads to positive outcomes. Additionally, many people learn lifelong lessons from their failures, even if these experiences do not lead to the achievement of their goals. By acquiring new experiences, they increase their chances of fulfilling their dreams in future endeavors.
In conclusion, although taking risks sometimes can lead to failrue, it often can result in acheiving skills and experiences, they often can provide chances for personal and proffesional growth, therfore the advantages of taking risk outweigh thr drawbacks thay it may offer.
In conclusion, although taking risks can sometimes lead to failure, it often results in the acquisition of skills and experiences. These opportunities can provide avenues for personal and professional growth; therefore, the advantages of taking risks outweigh the drawbacks they may present.
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Overall Band Score
5
Overview
Vocabulary Range
average
Linking Words
average
Spelling
weak
Grammar Accuracy
weak
Grammar Range
average
Cohesion
average
Paragraph Structure
average
Task Response
strong
Word Count
insufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

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Task Achievement

  • Response to the Prompt: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both professional and personal risks and their potential advantages. However, the response could be more balanced by explicitly discussing the disadvantages of taking risks, as the prompt asks whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
  • Examples and Support: The essay provides examples, such as changing jobs and pursuing higher education abroad, to support the argument. These examples are relevant but could be expanded with more detail to strengthen the argument.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Structure and Organization: The essay is organized into paragraphs that separate professional and personal risks. However, the introduction and conclusion could be more clearly defined. The introduction should briefly outline the main points, and the conclusion should summarize the key arguments more effectively.
  • Linking Words and Phrases: The use of linking words is limited. More cohesive devices, such as "furthermore," "in addition," and "on the other hand," could improve the flow of the essay and help connect ideas more smoothly.

Lexical Resource

  • Vocabulary Range: The essay uses a basic range of vocabulary. To improve, try incorporating more varied and precise language. For example, instead of "better quality of life," consider "enhanced living standards."
  • Spelling and Word Choice: There are several spelling errors (e.g., "proffesional," "employement," "prosposet," "expriencre"). Proofreading for spelling and word choice accuracy is essential.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Sentence Structure: The essay primarily uses simple sentence structures. Incorporating a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences would demonstrate a wider grammatical range.
  • Grammar and Punctuation: There are numerous grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues and incorrect verb forms (e.g., "is happend," "lead achieve"). Punctuation errors, such as missing commas, also affect readability. Careful proofreading and editing are needed to correct these issues.

Recommendations

  1. Expand on Disadvantages: Include a paragraph discussing the potential disadvantages of taking risks to provide a balanced view.
  2. Enhance Vocabulary: Use a wider range of vocabulary and ensure correct spelling and word choice.
  3. Improve Grammar: Focus on correcting grammatical errors and varying sentence structures.
  4. Use Cohesive Devices: Incorporate more linking words to improve the flow and coherence of the essay.
  5. Proofread: Carefully proofread the essay to catch and correct errors in spelling, grammar, and punctuation.

By addressing these areas, the essay will better meet the IELTS writing criteria and provide a more comprehensive response to the prompt.