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Question: In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population i...

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In recent years, as cities have been providing the newest technologies to residents, the number of people migrating from rural areas to urban areas is increasing. I believe this trend, simultaneously, has both benefits and drawbacks. It is an undeniable fact that people living in cities, have significantly more access to various modern facilities and amenities, such as fast public tranportationtransportation, luxurious shopping malls, and more job opportunities, etc, compared to those living in the countryside and villages. For these reasons, cities, especially megacities and metropolitansmetropolitan areas, have become much more attractive for rural individuals. In this regard, the boom in the urban population and higher laborlabour workforce in different industries located in the cities, will not only will improve the living standardstandards of the whole society, but also, will help the country’s economy thrive in the long- term. So we can say that this kind of migration, is advantageous for the country. On the other hand, continuing this development, may probably lead to such detrimental effects on some areas associated to the with rural life, like the agricultural industry. In other words, the lessfewer people in the countryside, the less workforce available for working in agriculture area. According to thisthe fact that farming and agriculture, play a crucial role in the productivity and the independence of the country, regarding producing a wide range of food products, it may have such a negative impact on the nation. Additionally, this may contribute to a period of stagnation in the long- run. To sum up, although moving from rural areas to cities has its own advantages for both the society and individuals, we should prioritzeprioritise the population balance between these two areas in order to have a flourishing society in various aspects.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
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In recent years, as cities have been providing the newest technologies to residents, the number of people migrating from rural areas to urban areas is increasing. I believe this trend, simultaneously, has both benefits and drawbacks.
In recent years, as cities have been providing the latest technologies to residents, the number of people migrating from rural areas to urban centers has been increasing. I believe this trend has both benefits and drawbacks.
It is an undeniable fact that people living in cities, have significantly more access to various modern facilities and amenities, such as fast public tranportation, luxurious shopping malls, more job opportunities, etc, compared to those living in countryside and villages. For these reasons, cities, especially megacities and metropolitans, have become much more attractive for rural individuals. In this regard, the boom in the urban population and higher labor workforce in different industries located in the cities, not only will improve the living standard of the whole society, but also, will help the country’s economy thrive in the long-term. So we can say that this kind of migration, is advantageous for the country.
It is an undeniable fact that people living in cities have significantly more access to various modern facilities and amenities, such as efficient public transportation, luxurious shopping malls, and greater job opportunities, compared to those living in the countryside and villages. For these reasons, cities, especially megacities and metropolitan areas, have become much more attractive to rural individuals. In this regard, the boom in the urban population and the higher labor force in different industries located in cities will not only improve the living standards of society as a whole but will also help the country’s economy thrive in the long term. Therefore, we can say that this kind of migration is advantageous for the country.
On the other hand, continuing this development, may probably lead to such detrimental effects on some areas associated to the rural life, like agricultural industry. In other words, the less people in the countryside, the less workforce for working in agriculture area. According to this fact that farming and agriculture, play a crucial role in the productivity and the independence of the country, regarding producing a wide range of food products, it may have such a negative impact on the nation. Additionally, this may contribute to a period of stagnation in the long-run.
On the other hand, the continuation of this trend may lead to detrimental effects on certain aspects of rural life, particularly the agricultural industry. In other words, with fewer people in the countryside, there will be a reduced workforce available for agricultural work. Given that farming and agriculture play a crucial role in the productivity and independence of the country by producing a wide range of food products, this could have a negative impact on the nation. Additionally, this may contribute to a period of stagnation in the long run.
To sum up, although moving from rural areas to cities has its own advantages for both the society and individuals, we should prioritze the population balance between these two areas in order to have a flourishing society in various aspects.
To sum up, although the migration from rural areas to cities has its advantages for both society and individuals, we should prioritize maintaining a balance in population between these two areas to ensure a flourishing society in various aspects.
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Overall Band Score
7.5
Overview
Vocabulary Range
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Grammar Range
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Task Response
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Task Achievement

  • Response to the Prompt: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the positive and negative aspects of rural-to-urban migration. However, it could benefit from a clearer stance on whether the development is predominantly positive or negative.
  • Ideas and Examples: The essay provides relevant ideas and examples, such as the availability of modern facilities in cities and the potential negative impact on agriculture. However, more specific examples or data could strengthen the argument.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Organization: The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the issue.
  • Cohesion: Transition words and phrases (e.g., "In this regard," "On the other hand") are used effectively to connect ideas. However, the essay could benefit from more varied linking words to enhance the flow of ideas.

Lexical Resource

  • Vocabulary: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, such as "amenities," "megacities," "detrimental effects," and "stagnation." However, there are some minor errors, such as "tranportation" instead of "transportation."
  • Word Choice: Some word choices could be improved for precision, such as "regarding producing" which could be rephrased for clarity.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Sentence Structure: The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, which adds complexity to the writing. However, some sentences are overly complex and could be simplified for clarity.
  • Grammar and Punctuation: There are minor grammatical errors, such as missing articles ("the countryside" instead of "countryside") and incorrect punctuation (e.g., unnecessary commas in "this kind of migration, is advantageous"). These errors do not significantly impede understanding but should be addressed.

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Clarify Position: Clearly state whether you believe the development is more positive or negative overall, and ensure this stance is reflected throughout the essay.
  2. Provide Specific Examples: Include more specific examples or data to support your points, particularly regarding the impact on agriculture and the economy.
  3. Simplify Complex Sentences: Review and simplify overly complex sentences to improve clarity and readability.
  4. Proofread for Errors: Carefully proofread the essay to correct minor grammatical and punctuation errors.

Overall, the essay presents a balanced view of the issue with a good range of vocabulary and ideas. With some refinements, it could be even more effective in conveying the writer's perspective.