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Question: In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population i...

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In recent years, as cities have been providing the newest technologies to the residents, the number of people who are migrating from rural areas to urban areas areis increasing. I believe this trend, simultaneously, has both benefits and drawbacks. It is a deniablean undeniable fact that people living in cities, have significantly more access to various modern facilities and amenities, such as fast public tranportationtransportation, luxurious shopping malls, and more job opportunities, etc, compared to those living in the countryside and villages. For these reasons, cities, especially megacities and meteropolitansmetropolitan areas, have become much more attractive for rural individuals. In this regard, the boom in the urban population and higher labour workforce in different industries located in the cities, will not only will improve the living standardstandards of the whole society, but also, will help the country’s economy thrive in the long- term. So we can say that this kind of migration, is advantagousadvantageous for the country. On the other hand, countinuingcontinuing this development, may probably leadslead to such detrimental effects on some areas associated to the with rural life, like the agricultural industry. In other words, the lessfewer people in the countryside, the less workforce for working in agriculture area. According to thisthe fact that farming and agriculture, play a crucial role in the productivity and the independence of the country, regarding producing a wide range of food products, it may have such a negative impact on the nation. Additionally, this may contribute to a period of stagnation in the long- run. To sum up, although moving from rural areas to cities has its own advantages for both the society and individuals, we should prioritzeprioritise the population balance between these two areas in order to have a flourishing society in various aspects.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
In recent years, as cities have been providing the newest technologies to the residents, the number of people who are migrating from rural areas to urban areas are increasing. I believe this trend, simultaneously, has both benefits and drawbacks.
In recent years, as cities have been providing the latest technologies to residents, the number of people migrating from rural areas to urban centers has been increasing. I believe this trend has both benefits and drawbacks.
It is a deniable fact that people living in cities, have significantly more access to various modern facilities and amenities, such as fast public tranportation, luxurious shopping malls, more job opportunities, etc, compared to those living in countryside and villages. For these reasons, cities, especially megacities and meteropolitans, have become much more attractive for rural individuals. In this regard, the boom in the urban population and higher labour workforce in different industries located in the cities, not only will improve the living standard of the whole society, but also, will help the country’s economy thrive in the long-term. So we can say that this kind of migration, is advantagous for the country.
It is an undeniable fact that people living in cities have significantly more access to various modern facilities and amenities, such as efficient public transportation, luxurious shopping malls, and more job opportunities, compared to those living in the countryside and villages. For these reasons, cities, especially megacities and metropolitan areas, have become much more attractive to rural individuals. In this regard, the boom in the urban population and the higher labor force in different industries located in cities will not only improve the living standards of society as a whole but will also help the country’s economy thrive in the long term. Therefore, we can say that this kind of migration is advantageous for the country.
On the other hand, countinuing this development, may probably leads to such detrimental effects on some areas associated to the rural life, like agricultural industry. In other words, the less people in the countryside, the less workforce for working in agriculture area. According to this fact that farming and agriculture, play a crucial role in the productivity and the independence of the country, regarding producing a wide range of food products, it may have such a negative impact on the nation. Additionally, this may contribute to a period of stagnation in the long-run.
On the other hand, continuing this trend may lead to detrimental effects on certain areas associated with rural life, such as the agricultural industry. In other words, with fewer people in the countryside, there will be less workforce available for agricultural work. Given that farming and agriculture play a crucial role in the productivity and independence of the country by producing a wide range of food products, this could have a negative impact on the nation. Additionally, it may contribute to a period of stagnation in the long run.
To sum up, although moving from rural areas to cities has its own advantages for both the society and individuals, we should prioritze the population balance between these two areas in order to have a flourishing society in various aspects.
To sum up, although migrating from rural areas to cities has its advantages for both society and individuals, we should prioritize maintaining a balance in population between these two areas to ensure a flourishing society in various aspects.
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Overall Band Score
7
Overview
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While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

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Task Achievement

  • Response to the Prompt: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the positive and negative aspects of rural-to-urban migration. However, it could benefit from a clearer stance on whether the development is predominantly positive or negative.
  • Ideas and Examples: The essay provides relevant ideas, such as access to modern facilities and the impact on agriculture. However, it could be strengthened by including specific examples or data to support these points.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Organization: The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the issue.
  • Cohesive Devices: The use of cohesive devices is generally effective, but there are some areas where transitions could be smoother. For example, the transition between discussing the benefits and drawbacks could be more seamless.

Lexical Resource

  • Vocabulary: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, such as "amenities," "megacities," and "stagnation." However, there are some spelling errors, such as "tranportation" (transportation), "meteropolitans" (metropolitans), "advantagous" (advantageous), and "countinuing" (continuing).
  • Word Choice: Some word choices could be improved for clarity and precision. For instance, "deniable fact" should be "undeniable fact."

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Sentence Structure: The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, which enhances readability. However, some sentences are overly complex and could be simplified for clarity.
  • Grammar and Punctuation: There are several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement ("the number of people who are migrating... are increasing" should be "is increasing") and incorrect use of commas. Additionally, "may probably leads" should be "may probably lead."

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Clarify Position: Clearly state whether you believe the development is more positive or negative overall.
  2. Support with Examples: Include specific examples or data to strengthen your arguments.
  3. Improve Transitions: Work on smoother transitions between ideas to enhance coherence.
  4. Proofread for Errors: Carefully proofread the essay to correct spelling, grammar, and punctuation errors.
  5. Simplify Complex Sentences: Break down overly complex sentences to improve clarity and readability.

By addressing these areas, the essay can be improved to better meet the IELTS writing criteria.