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Question: Some people think that competition at work, at school, and in daily life is a good thing. ...

Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
However, some people argue that museums are an academic place,; others believe they are also considered as an entertainment facility. I believe museums are a place where all kindkinds of people can visit for either entertainment or studyingstudy. Some people think, museums are an entertainment area as all people are welcomed there. They are places whichthat contain all the history and traditions of a country. Moreover, every citizen is allowed to go there to discover their country's identity. While exploring these sites, they can enjoy their visit simply by observing different antique objects such as paintings and statues. Additionally, they do not need to have any knowledge about their history as they can learn related information in museums. For example, France has announced that every French citizen can visit all the museums in PaisParis without any fees. This decision has been made to encourage people to knowlearn about their country better. In contrast, other people disagree with the presence of ordinary people in museummuseums. The reason is that they believe it is an academic environment. Moreover, they should welcome only scientists and students to doconduct research and study. Also, the presence of ordinary people may have a negative effect on the preservation of the objects. And that That is because they may not have enough awarnessawareness about the value of the antiques and damage them unintentionlyunintentionally. For instance, Aa news breakreport two months ago aboutcovered two environmetal acticistsenvironmental activists who poured tomato sauce on a PicasoPicasso vintage painting as a sign of protest. In conclusion, although there are some risks when museums are opened forto the public, but those are government's concerns to ensure the security of the museums. However, they can not cannot belong to a specific group of society, as every person has a right to discover their country's rich history.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
However, some people argue that museums are an academic place, others believe they are also considered as an entertainment facility. I believe museums are a place where all kind of people can visit for either entertainment or studying.
However, some people argue that museums are primarily academic institutions, while others believe they also serve as entertainment facilities. I believe that museums are places where all kinds of people can visit for either entertainment or educational purposes.
Some people think, museums are an entertainment area as all people are welcomed there. They are places which contain all the history and traditions of a country. Moreover, every citizen is allowed to go there to discover their country's identity. While exploring these sites, they can enjoy their visit simply by observing different antique objects such as paintings and statues. Additionally, they do not need to have any knowledge about their history as they can learn related information in museums. For example, France has announced that every French citizen can visit all the museums in Pais without any fees. This decision has been made to encourage people to know about their country better.
Some people view museums as entertainment venues because they welcome everyone. They are repositories of a country's history and traditions, allowing citizens to explore and discover their national identity. While visiting these sites, individuals can enjoy observing various antique objects, such as paintings and sculptures. Furthermore, visitors do not need extensive prior knowledge about history, as museums provide relevant information to enhance their understanding. For example, France has announced that every French citizen can visit all the museums in Paris free of charge. This decision aims to encourage people to learn more about their country.
In contrast, other people disagree with the presence of ordinary people in museum. The reason is that they believe it is an academic environment. Moreover, they should welcome only scientists and students to do research and study. Also, the presence of ordinary people may have a negative effect on the preservation of the objects. And that is because they may not have enough awarness about the value of the antiques and damage them unintentionly. For instance, A news break two months ago about two environmetal acticists who poured tomato sauce on a Picaso vintage painting as a sign of protest.
In contrast, some individuals disagree with the idea of ordinary people visiting museums, believing that these spaces should be reserved for academics, scientists, and students conducting research. They argue that the presence of the general public may negatively impact the preservation of artifacts, as many visitors may lack awareness of the value of these antiques and could unintentionally damage them. For instance, a news report two months ago highlighted an incident involving two environmental activists who poured tomato sauce on a Picasso painting as a form of protest.
In conclusion, although there are some risks when museums are opened for the public, but those are government's concerns to ensure the security of the museums. However, they can not belong to a specific group of society, as every person has a right to discover their country's rich history
In conclusion, although there are some risks associated with opening museums to the public, it is ultimately the responsibility of the government to ensure the security of these institutions. Museums should not belong to a specific group within society; rather, every individual has the right to explore and appreciate their country's rich history.
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Overall Band Score
5
Overview
Vocabulary Range
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Linking Words
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Grammar Accuracy
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Grammar Range
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Cohesion
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Task Response
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Task Response

  • Relevance to the Prompt: The essay does not address the given prompt about competition and cooperation. Instead, it discusses the role of museums as either academic or entertainment facilities. It is crucial to ensure that the response directly addresses the prompt provided.
  • Position: The essay does not present a clear position on the topic of competition versus cooperation, as it discusses a different topic altogether.
  • Development: The ideas presented about museums are developed with examples and explanations, but they are not relevant to the task.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Organization: The essay is organized into paragraphs, each discussing a different perspective on museums. However, since the topic is not aligned with the prompt, the coherence in relation to the task is lacking.
  • Cohesive Devices: The use of cohesive devices such as "Moreover," "Additionally," and "In contrast" helps in linking ideas within the essay. However, these should be used to connect ideas relevant to the task.

Lexical Resource

  • Range: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary related to museums and history, such as "antique objects," "academic environment," and "preservation."
  • Accuracy: There are minor errors in word choice, such as "Pais" instead of "Paris," and "acticists" instead of "activists." These do not significantly impede understanding but should be corrected.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Sentence Structures: The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences, which is a strength.
  • Grammar and Punctuation: There are some grammatical errors, such as "A news break" instead of "A news report broke," and "awarness" instead of "awareness." Additionally, the sentence "although there are some risks when museums are opened for the public, but those are government's concerns" contains a redundancy with "although" and "but."

Recommendations

  1. Address the Prompt: Ensure that the essay directly responds to the given task about competition and cooperation. This is crucial for achieving a high score in Task Response.
  2. Relevance: Focus on discussing the benefits and drawbacks of competition and cooperation in various contexts, such as work, school, and daily life.
  3. Proofreading: Carefully proofread the essay to correct any spelling, grammatical, or lexical errors.
  4. Structure: Maintain a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion that states your opinion on the topic.