Question: In many countries nowadays, consumers can go to a supermarket and buy food produced all ov...
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It has been stated that these days, consumers have access to food products from all over the globe, in many countries. From my perspective, the advantages of this trend outweigh its disadvantages. Considering the drawbacks of accessing to food products offrom all over the world, it may threaten the local businesses. In some developing countries where people rely on small and local businessbusinesses, competitingcompeting with the products of the modern food industry is almostly inpossiblealmost impossible, so importing food may contribute to challenges such as bankruptcyin local food businessbusinesses.On the other sidehand, all kindkinds of fruits or vegetables can not cannotbe cultivated in every where everywhere, sooverseas food provideprovides an oppurtonity tobuyopportunity to buy for individulesindividuals living in places where they are not originaly come originallyfrom. For instance, bennana bananas or coconutcoconuts are harvested in southSouth America and can not cannotbe planted in the northern part of the continent of America or Europe, so Canada or SkandinavianScandinavian countries import them so their people can benefit from these two nutritiantnutritious fruits in their daily diets. Moreover, some products are presented as national symbolesymbols, for instance, Sushi sushi. So individuals can bebecome familiar with other nations and learn more aboytabout them by testingtasting their foods and product
products. To conclude, Althoughalthough having access to a wide range of foods from all over the world, can lead to some demerits such as threatening local food businesses, I reaffirm my position that it is more advantageous as it gives people access to a wide variety of foods even if they can not cannotbe cultivated in their area and developing cultulraldevelops cultural and national food familiriaty
familiarity.
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Task Achievement
Strengths: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the positive and negative aspects of having access to international food products. It provides examples to support the points made, such as the availability of bananas and coconuts in non-native regions and the cultural significance of sushi.
Areas for Improvement: The essay could benefit from a clearer thesis statement in the introduction to explicitly state whether the development is positive or negative. Additionally, the conclusion could be strengthened by summarizing the main points more effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Strengths: The essay is organized into paragraphs that each focus on a specific aspect of the topic. There is a logical progression from discussing the disadvantages to the advantages.
Areas for Improvement: The transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, using linking words or phrases such as "however," "on the other hand," or "furthermore" would improve the flow of the essay. The conclusion could also be more cohesive by restating the main arguments in a concise manner.
Lexical Resource
Strengths: The essay uses a range of vocabulary related to the topic, such as "bankruptcy," "nutritious," and "cultural familiarity."
Areas for Improvement: There are several spelling errors, such as "oppurtonity" (opportunity), "bennana" (banana), "nutritiant" (nutritious), "aboyt" (about), and "familiriaty" (familiarity). Correcting these would enhance the lexical resource score.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Strengths: The essay demonstrates the ability to use complex sentences and varied sentence structures.
Areas for Improvement: There are grammatical errors that need attention, such as "almostly inpossible" (almost impossible), "all kind of fruits" (all kinds of fruits), and "can not be cultivated in every where" (cannot be cultivated everywhere). Additionally, subject-verb agreement and article usage should be reviewed for accuracy.
Overall Suggestions
Revise the introduction to include a clear thesis statement.
Improve the coherence by using more transitional phrases.
Correct spelling and grammatical errors to enhance clarity and readability.
Strengthen the conclusion by summarizing the key points more effectively.
By addressing these areas, the essay will better meet the IELTS writing criteria and present a more polished argument.