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Question: In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population i...

Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
These days, many people have immigrated from rural areas to cities to experience a higher quality of life. As a result, the population in rural areas is decreasing. whileWhile this development brings some benefits like the availability of good facilities, it presents more disadvantages including, overcrowding in cities, and the isolation of rural people. Rural-to-urban immigration can offer some advantages. Cities offer a higher quality of life. urbanUrban areas often offerprovide good medical and educationeducational facilities, which make life more convenient and comfortable for residents. Moreover, cities provide better employment opportunities. When individuals move to cities, they are more likely to secure better jobjobs with good job prospectprospects and higher incomes. Therefore, many people are drawn to cities due to the convenience and ample job opportunities that they have to offer. However, moving from rural areas to urban areas often presents several drawbacks. Rural areas often face workforce shortageshortages. Decreasing employees leads to the closure and bankruptcy of different sectors and services in rural areas, which not only can decrease the quality of life for rural residencesresidents but also make them feel isolated. This can also slowdown theslow down economic growth in rural areas. Moreover, in cities, overcrowding can place pressure on infrastructuresinfrastructure and essential services. Therefore. Many, many sectors in cities have to decrease the quality of their serviceservices to meet the needs of the increased population. In conclusion, although moving to cities can increase the quality of people’s live lives, it presentpresents some challenges like overpopulation in cities and workforces shortageworkforce shortages in rural areas. There foreTherefore, it can be considered a completely negative developmentsdevelopment.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
These days, many people have immigrated from rural areas to cities to experience higher quality of life. As a result , population in rural is decreasing. while this development brings some benefits like availability of good facilities, it presents more disadvantages including, overcrowding in cities, and isolation of rural people.
These days, many people have immigrated from rural areas to cities in search of a higher quality of life. As a result, the population in rural areas is decreasing. While this development brings some benefits, such as the availability of better facilities, it also presents significant disadvantages, including overcrowding in cities and the isolation of rural residents.
Rural-to-urban immigration can offer some advantages . Cities offer higher quality of life. urban areas often offer good medical and education facilities, which make life more convenient and comfortable for residents. Moreover, cities provide better employment opportunities. When individuals move to cities, they are more likely to secure better job with good job prospect and higher incomes. Therefore, many people are drawn to cities due to the convenience and ample job opportunities that they have to offer.
Rural-to-urban immigration can offer several advantages. Cities typically provide a higher quality of life, as urban areas often boast superior medical and educational facilities, making life more convenient and comfortable for residents. Moreover, cities present better employment opportunities. When individuals move to urban areas, they are more likely to secure jobs with promising prospects and higher incomes. Consequently, many people are drawn to cities due to the convenience and abundant job opportunities they offer.
However, moving from rural areas to urban areas often presents several drawbacks. Rural areas often face workforce shortage. Decreasing employees leads to closure and bankruptcy of different sectors and services in rural areas, which not only can decrease the quality of life for rural residences but also make them feel isolated. This can also slowdown the economic growth in rural areas. Moreover, in cities, overcrowding can place pressure on infrastructures and essential services. Therefore. Many sectors in cities have to decrease the quality of their service to meet the needs of increased population.
However, the migration from rural areas to urban centers often presents several drawbacks. Rural areas frequently experience workforce shortages. A declining workforce can lead to the closure and bankruptcy of various sectors and services in rural regions, which not only diminishes the quality of life for rural residents but also contributes to their sense of isolation. This situation can also hinder economic growth in rural areas. Furthermore, in cities, overcrowding can place immense pressure on infrastructure and essential services. As a result, many sectors in urban areas may have to compromise the quality of their services to accommodate the needs of an increasing population.
In conclusion, although moving to cities can increase the quality of people’ live, it present some challenges like overpopulation in cities and workforces shortage in rural areas. There fore, it can be considered completely negative developments.
In conclusion, although moving to cities can enhance the quality of life for individuals, it also presents challenges such as overpopulation in urban areas and workforce shortages in rural regions. Therefore, this trend can be viewed as a largely negative development.
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Overall Band Score
6
Overview
Vocabulary Range
average
Linking Words
average
Spelling
weak
Grammar Accuracy
average
Grammar Range
average
Cohesion
average
Paragraph Structure
average
Task Response
average
Word Count
sufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

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Task Achievement

  • Response to the Prompt: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the positive and negative aspects of rural-to-urban migration. However, the conclusion could be more definitive in stating whether the development is overall positive or negative, as the final sentence seems to contradict the earlier balanced discussion.
  • Ideas and Examples: The essay provides relevant ideas, such as better facilities and job opportunities in cities, and the negative impacts like overcrowding and rural isolation. However, it could benefit from more specific examples or data to strengthen the arguments.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Organization: The essay is organized into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect of the issue. However, the transition between the positive and negative aspects could be smoother. Consider using linking words or phrases to enhance the flow.
  • Cohesion: Some sentences could be better connected. For instance, the transition from discussing urban benefits to rural drawbacks could be more seamless. Using cohesive devices like "on the other hand" or "in contrast" might improve this.

Lexical Resource

  • Vocabulary: The vocabulary used is appropriate for the topic, with terms like "immigration," "overcrowding," and "workforce shortage." However, there are some repetitive phrases, such as "quality of life," which could be varied to demonstrate a wider range of vocabulary.
  • Word Choice: Some word choices are slightly awkward, such as "immigrated" instead of "migrated" when referring to internal movement within a country. Additionally, "residences" should be "residents."

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Sentence Structure: The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentences, which is good. However, there are some grammatical errors, such as missing articles ("the population in rural is decreasing") and incorrect verb forms ("can decrease the quality of life for rural residences").
  • Punctuation and Spelling: There are minor punctuation errors, such as the misuse of commas and periods ("Therefore. Many sectors..."). Additionally, there are spelling mistakes like "there fore" instead of "therefore."

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Clarify the Conclusion: Make the conclusion more decisive by clearly stating whether the development is positive or negative overall.
  2. Enhance Cohesion: Use more linking words to improve the flow between paragraphs and ideas.
  3. Expand Vocabulary: Introduce synonyms or related terms to avoid repetition and demonstrate a broader lexical range.
  4. Proofread for Errors: Carefully check for grammatical, punctuation, and spelling errors to improve accuracy.

Overall, the essay presents a balanced view of the issue but could benefit from clearer organization and more precise language to fully meet the IELTS writing criteria.