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Question: Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required ...

Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
There are differing opinions regarding whether people who are specialists in certain occupations must work where they arewere educated or they can freely find a job in other countries. This essay agrees that professionals mustshould be allowed to work wherever they want. There is a major benefit to restricting requirements for specialized positions to those who arewere educated in local universities ofin each country. This is because, in each specific region, there are some particular issues that foreign specialists might not be familiar with, such as local diseases in onea particular area. As an illustration, in 2018, in one of the remote parts of Kenya, an unknown disease spread that infected around 200 people in one month. While some specialists from the Doctors Without Borders organization aimed to solve the mystery, one of the local doctors who was educated there and had known knew the history of the diseases ofin that region foundidentified the type of disease. However, many disagree and believe that each specialist, regardless of where they arewere educated, is an important asset for a developed country. In other words, this group of professionals can fill emptyvacant positions that exist in some countries for several reasons. For instance, the increasing the average age of the population ofin some countries might be a reason to hire some foreign professionals. To recap the above discussion, while some still believe that the lack of knowledge about regional issues can be limiting limit the performance of foreign specialists in solving their problems, which seems to be logical, the advantages of recruitmentrecruiting from other countries, including adding professional individuals to where they are needed, cannot be overlooked. Therefore, it seems essential to educate non-local specialists about local issues before they start their jobs.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
There are differing opinions regarding whether people who are specialists in certain occupations must work where they are educated or they can freely find a job in other countries. This essay agrees that professionals must be allowed to work wherever they want.
There are differing opinions regarding whether specialists in certain occupations should be restricted to working where they were educated or be free to find employment abroad. This essay argues that professionals should have the freedom to work internationally, provided they receive proper training in local contexts.
There is a major benefit to restricting requirements for specialized positions to those who are educated in local universities of each country. This is because, in each specific region, there are some particular issues that foreign specialists might not be familiar with, such as local diseases in one particular area. As an illustration, in 2018, in one of the remote parts of Kenya, an unknown disease spread that infected around 200 people in one month. While some specialists from Doctors Without Borders organization aimed to solve the mystery, one of the local doctors who was educated there and had known the history of the diseases of that region found the type of disease.
A key argument for requiring specialists to work where they were educated is their familiarity with regional-specific challenges. Local education often provides crucial knowledge about area-specific issues that foreign professionals might lack. For example, during a 2018 outbreak of an unknown disease in rural Kenya, local doctors who understood the region's medical history identified the illness more effectively than international specialists from Doctors Without Borders. This demonstrates the value of locally-trained professionals in addressing regional problems.
However, many disagree and believe that each specialist regardless of where they are educated is an important asset for a developed country. In other words, this group of professionals can fill empty positions that exist in some countries for several reasons. For instance, increasing the average age of the population of some countries might be a reason to hire some foreign professionals.
However, the global mobility of skilled professionals offers significant benefits to developed nations facing workforce shortages. Many countries experience labor gaps due to demographic changes like aging populations, creating demand for foreign specialists. These professionals can fill critical positions, contributing their expertise where it is most needed. The solution lies not in restricting movement, but in implementing orientation programs that educate foreign specialists about local conditions before they begin work.
To recap the above discussion, while some still believe that the lack of knowledge about regional issues can be limiting the performance of foreign specialists in solving their problems, seems to be logical, the advantages of recruitment from other countries, including adding professional individuals to where are needed, cannot be overlooked. Therefore, it seems essential to educate non-local specialists about local issues before they start their jobs.
In conclusion, while locally-trained professionals possess valuable regional knowledge, the advantages of allowing specialists to work internationally outweigh the limitations. By combining global expertise with localized training programs, countries can maximize the benefits of professional mobility while addressing potential knowledge gaps. Therefore, professionals should be permitted to work abroad after receiving appropriate preparation for local conditions.
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Overall Band Score
6.5
Overview
Vocabulary Range
average
Linking Words
average
Spelling
strong
Grammar Accuracy
average
Grammar Range
average
Cohesion
average
Paragraph Structure
average
Task Response
strong
Word Count
sufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

Feedback on the Essay

Task Achievement

  • The essay addresses both views and presents a clear opinion, which is good. However, the discussion of the first view (requiring professionals to work where they trained) is somewhat underdeveloped. The example about Kenya is relevant but could be expanded to better support the argument.
  • The second view (freedom to work abroad) is explained well, but the reasoning could be strengthened with more concrete examples or data.
  • The conclusion restates the opinion but could be more balanced by acknowledging potential counterarguments before reinforcing the writer’s stance.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • The essay is logically structured, with clear paragraphs for each viewpoint and a conclusion. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, the shift from the first to the second viewpoint feels abrupt.
  • The use of linking words ("However," "For instance," "To recap") is appropriate, but more variety in cohesive devices (e.g., "On the other hand," "In contrast") would improve flow.
  • The conclusion could be more concise—it repeats ideas from the body paragraphs without adding new insights.

Lexical Resource

  • The vocabulary is generally appropriate, but there are some awkward or unclear phrases (e.g., "restricting requirements for specialized positions," "adding professional individuals to where are needed"). These could be reworded for clarity.
  • Some word choices could be more precise (e.g., "must be allowed" could be "should have the freedom").
  • There are minor grammatical errors in phrasing (e.g., "where are needed" should be "where they are needed").

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • The grammar is mostly correct, but there are some issues with article usage ("a major benefit to restricting requirements" → "a major benefit of restricting requirements").
  • Sentence structures are generally clear, but some sentences are overly complex or awkwardly phrased (e.g., "seems to be logical, the advantages of recruitment from other countries"). Simplifying these would improve readability.
  • Subject-verb agreement and pronoun consistency need attention (e.g., "one of the local doctors who was educated there and had known" could be streamlined).

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Expand Arguments: Provide more detailed reasoning for both views, possibly with additional examples or statistics.
  2. Improve Transitions: Use a wider range of linking words to create smoother connections between ideas.
  3. Clarify Wording: Revise awkward phrasing and ensure grammatical accuracy, especially in complex sentences.
  4. Strengthen Conclusion: Make the conclusion more impactful by summarizing key points without repetition.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and addresses the prompt, but refining clarity, depth of argument, and grammatical precision would enhance its effectiveness.