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Question: Some people think that competition at work, at school, and in daily life is a good thing. ...

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AdvertisingThe advertising role is not conceal toconcealed from everyone, and undoubtedly this new phenamenonphenomenon could haveplay an important playrole in temporary life. Big and small busnissesbusinesses are introducesintroduced by ads, and their productionsproducts can be valuatedevaluated and regardregarded as new. Although this type of informatiominformation can change market cricles ,circles, it can have a positive and negative impact that can have importantroleplay an important role in the economic system. Finally, , the selling period and financial benefit is the end aim of producingproduction, and every producer strugglestruggles for sucsessingsuccess at thsthis stage. and ading Adding a new thing to its procuction ,production can be the best way for better selling. For example, when the first pen and pencil wadwere made, there was not any rival who productproduced the others, and for some yearyears the first company was a pioneer. However,but after years, the other personsindividuals decided to establish new factories for estationary anfstationery, and for better selling, they had to force have volenteer volunteers and they created create some different colours tofor the first pencil.Or Alternatively, the other companeycompany had to add various tastes to proteenprotein products and something eleselse. In fact, Infact this kind of comparison that iswas born after industrilathe industrial revolution, established a variety of production, and individualindividuals can ascessaccess their desiers and advertising playdesires. Advertising plays a vital and crutial playcrucial role in bazarsbazaars that could lead to reducing emploeesemployees, increasing jobjobs and salaries, improvement atimproving the production system, and saving manymoney and time forto distinguish the best and needable product thatmost needed products, all of thewhich are the positives about advertisngadvertising. On the other hand, advertising's emphasis on being new of manufaction canhavein manufacturing can have a negative impact on people's life lives.however However good ,this type of mention is, it will raides customeriseingraise customerising between contriescountries, and humanity's life wollwill be in danger, Because because factories have to struglestruggle with their components. and however creative. However creative they are, they have to manufactormanufacture new thins for ever things forever, and this will convert to circlea cycle.Need to The need for more eneryenergy for progressing new and marketable productproducts and conciving individualconvincing individuals about them can be dangerous for our planet.in In conclusion, by regarding tothe negative and positive sidesides of advertising,this it is people's undertaking to have independant decidingindependent decisions for buybuying and sellselling, and advertismenadvertising can have just an introducerintroductory function in industry and market.
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Overall Band Score
4
Overview
Vocabulary Range
weak
Linking Words
weak
Spelling
weak
Grammar Accuracy
weak
Grammar Range
weak
Cohesion
weak
Paragraph Structure
weak
Task Response
weak
Word Count
sufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

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Task Response

The essay does not adequately address the prompt. The task requires a discussion on the merits of competition versus cooperation in various aspects of life, such as work, school, and daily life. However, the response primarily focuses on advertising and its role in the economy, which is not directly related to the topic. To improve, ensure that the essay directly addresses the prompt by discussing both competition and cooperation, providing relevant examples and a clear opinion.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay lacks clear organization and logical progression of ideas. The introduction does not clearly state the topic or the writer's position. The body paragraphs are not well-structured, and there is a lack of clear topic sentences. Additionally, the essay jumps between ideas without clear transitions, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. To enhance coherence, use clear paragraphing with topic sentences and logical transitions between ideas.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, with several spelling errors and incorrect word forms (e.g., "phenamenon," "valuated," "sucsessing," "volenteer," "raides"). There is also a misuse of some words, such as "conceal" and "regard." To improve, focus on expanding vocabulary and ensuring correct word usage. Proofreading for spelling and word choice errors would also be beneficial.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including incorrect verb forms, subject-verb agreement issues, and sentence fragments. For example, "Advertising role is not conceal to everyone" and "this type of informatiom can change market cricles ,have positive and negative impact." These errors hinder the clarity of the essay. To improve, work on sentence structure, verb tenses, and agreement. Practice writing clear and grammatically correct sentences.

Overall Suggestions

  • Address the Prompt: Ensure that the essay directly responds to the task by discussing competition and cooperation.
  • Organize Ideas: Use clear paragraphing with topic sentences and logical transitions.
  • Expand Vocabulary: Work on using a wider range of vocabulary accurately.
  • Improve Grammar: Focus on writing grammatically correct sentences and reducing errors.
  • Proofread: Carefully check for spelling and grammatical mistakes before finalizing the essay.

By focusing on these areas, the essay can be more aligned with the IELTS writing criteria and effectively communicate the writer's ideas.