Balang
  • Home
  • Speaking
  • Blog
lemon logo
Balang is committed to revolutionizing language learning, empowering individuals worldwide to achieve their aspirations through innovative technology and personalized education.
Terms of ServicePrivacy PolicyRefund Policy
Contact
Email
telegram logo
Telegram

Question: In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population i...

Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
Migration has existed since the beginning of time. In the contemporary era, the phenomenon of migration has witnessed an unprecedented surge, reflecting a significant shift in people's preferences. A debate has emerged about whether the movement of countryside individuals to cities areis beneficial or detrimental. I argue that the adverse repercussions of immigration, particularly in terms of economic and social impact, far outweigh the benefits, making it a largely negative development. Many opponents claim that it has far-reaching negative implications across multiple domains. Firstly, it is argued that the countryside is the main origin of producing somecertain products, such as agricultural products, and meat. Therefore, when they abandon their jobjobs in hope of securing better occupationoccupations, they inadvertently create chaos in the food chain. As a result, food security may be endangered, and this will be resulted result in increasingan increase in costs of food as well as forcing the government to import food and meat to balance the market. Secondly, critics assert that by moving people from far-flung areas to big cities, the predicaments of metropolises will rise. They cite certain studies that indicatesindicate there is a clear relationship between migration to big cities and a rise in the cost of living. For instance, the price of accommodationsaccommodation will increase owing to the growth of demand. Moreover, critics believe that local businessbusinesses will face hardships to findin finding workforces, which in turn, can lead to numerous difficulties. For example, this may reduce the profit profits and in some cases lead to bankruptcy. In conclusion, while many declare that moving the rural people to cities can be a positive development, many believe it is an overly simplistic view. I firmly believe that the multitude of disadvantages derived from this, especially the negative impact on the food chain, job problems, and face local businesses facing some problemsissues, makingmake it a detrimental development.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
Migration has existed since the beginning of time. In the contemporary era, the phenomenon of migration has witnessed an unprecedented surge, reflecting a significant shift in people's preferences. A debate has emerged about whether movement of countryside individuals to cities are beneficial or detrimental. I argue that the adverse repercussions of immigration, particularly in terms of economic and social impact, far outweigh the benefits, making it a largely negative development.
Migration has existed since the beginning of time. In the contemporary era, the phenomenon of migration has witnessed an unprecedented surge, reflecting a significant shift in people's preferences. A debate has emerged about whether the movement of individuals from rural areas to cities is beneficial or detrimental. I argue that the adverse repercussions of migration, particularly in terms of economic and social impact, far outweigh the benefits, making it a largely negative development.
Many opponents claim that it has far-reaching negative implications across multiple domains. Firstly, it is argued that the countryside is the main origin of producing some products, such as agricultural products, and meat. Therefore, when they abandon their job in hope of securing better occupation, they inadvertently create chaos in the food chain. As a result, food security may be endangered, and this will be resulted in increasing in costs of food as well as forcing government to import food and meat to balance the market.
Many opponents claim that migration has far-reaching negative implications across multiple domains. Firstly, it is argued that rural areas are the primary source of essential products, such as agricultural goods and meat. Therefore, when individuals abandon their jobs in hopes of securing better employment opportunities, they inadvertently create chaos in the food supply chain. As a result, food security may be endangered, leading to an increase in food costs and forcing governments to import food and meat to stabilize the market.
Secondly, critics assert that by moving people from far-flung areas to big cities, the predicaments of metropolises will rise. They cite certain studies that indicates there is a clear relationship between migration to big cities and rise in the cost of living. For instance, the price of accommodations will increase owing to the growth of demand. Moreover, critics believe that local business will face hardships to find workforces, which in turn, can lead to numerous difficulties. For example, this may reduce the profit and in some cases bankruptcy.
Secondly, critics assert that relocating people from remote areas to large cities exacerbates the challenges faced by urban centers. They cite studies indicating a clear relationship between migration to big cities and a rise in the cost of living. For instance, the price of accommodation increases due to heightened demand. Moreover, critics believe that local businesses will struggle to find a workforce, which can lead to numerous difficulties, such as reduced profits and, in some cases, bankruptcy.
In conclusion, while many declare that moving the rural people to cities can be a positive development, many believe it is an overly simplistic view. I firmly believe that the multitude of disadvantages derived from this, especially the negative impact on food chain, job problems, and face local businesses some problems, making it a detrimental development.
In conclusion, while many argue that relocating rural populations to cities can be a positive development, this perspective is overly simplistic. I firmly believe that the multitude of disadvantages stemming from this trend—particularly the negative impact on the food supply chain, job market challenges, and the difficulties faced by local businesses—renders it a detrimental development.
See more samples for this topic
Check your essay for this topic
Overall Band Score
6.5
Overview
Vocabulary Range
strong
Linking Words
average
Spelling
strong
Grammar Accuracy
average
Grammar Range
average
Cohesion
average
Paragraph Structure
average
Task Response
strong
Word Count
sufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

Feedback

Task Achievement

  • Response to the Prompt: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the negative impacts of rural to urban migration. However, it could benefit from a more balanced view by acknowledging potential positive aspects, even if the overall stance remains negative.
  • Position: Your position is clear throughout the essay, as you consistently argue that the migration is a negative development.
  • Ideas and Examples: The essay provides relevant examples, such as the impact on food security and the cost of living in cities. However, the examples could be more specific and supported by data or studies to strengthen the argument.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Organization: The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific point, which aids in clarity.
  • Cohesive Devices: Transition words and phrases like "Firstly," "Secondly," and "For instance," are used effectively to guide the reader through the argument. However, some sentences could be more smoothly connected to enhance the flow of ideas.

Lexical Resource

  • Vocabulary: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, such as "unprecedented surge," "adverse repercussions," and "food security." However, there are some awkward phrases, such as "this will be resulted in increasing in costs of food," which could be rephrased for clarity.
  • Word Choice: Be cautious with word choice to ensure precision. For example, "immigration" is used where "migration" would be more appropriate.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Sentence Structure: The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, which adds interest. However, some sentences are overly complex and could be simplified for clarity.
  • Grammar: There are a few grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ("movement of countryside individuals to cities are beneficial") and incorrect prepositions ("face local businesses some problems"). These should be corrected to improve accuracy.

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Balanced View: Consider briefly discussing potential positive aspects of rural to urban migration to provide a more balanced argument.
  2. Specific Examples: Use specific data or studies to support your claims, which will make your argument more convincing.
  3. Clarity and Precision: Simplify complex sentences and ensure precise word choice to enhance clarity.
  4. Grammar and Syntax: Review and correct grammatical errors, particularly in subject-verb agreement and preposition use.

Overall, the essay presents a clear argument with relevant points, but it could be strengthened by addressing the suggestions above.