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Question: Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages...

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It is often said that music has the power to unite and connect people, regardless of their cultural backgrounds or ages. I completely agree with this view, and will give my reasons below. Music can certainly reach across cultural and national boundaries and bring people together. Perhaps the best example of this would be the Live Aid concerts that took place back in the 1980s, and which were broadcast to a global audience. Two live events were held simultaneously in the UK and the US, and the objective was to raise funds for famine relief in Ethiopia. The concerts were a huge success, both in terms of the number of people around the world who watched them and their impact on international public awareness of the famine. They demonstrated, I believe, that music truly is the planet’s globaluniversal language. Just as it transcends cultures, music also has the ability to connect people from different generations. Regardless of age, we can all enjoy a memorable melody, a strong rhythm or a beautiful singing voice, and the best songs seem to have the same magical effect on all of us. This would explain why televised music competitions, such as ‘The X Factor’ or ‘The Voice’, are such popular prime-time shows. These programmes attract incredibly broad audiences because singing and popular songs appeal to children, parents and grandparents alike. I would argue that no other form of entertainment can bring families together in this waymanner. In conclusion, I believe that music is unique in its capacity to create shared experiences between people, irrespective of culture and age.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
It is often said that music has the power to unite and connect people, regardless of their cultural backgrounds or ages. I completely agree with this view, and will give my reasons below.
It is often said that music has the power to unite and connect people, regardless of their cultural backgrounds or ages. I completely agree with this view and will provide my reasons below.
Music can certainly reach across cultural and national boundaries and bring people together. Perhaps the best example of this would be the Live Aid concerts that took place back in the 1980s, and which were broadcast to a global audience. Two live events were held simultaneously in the UK and the US, and the objective was to raise funds for famine relief in Ethiopia. The concerts were a huge success, both in terms of the number of people around the world who watched them and their impact on international public awareness of the famine. They demonstrated, I believe, that music truly is the planet’s global language.
Music can undoubtedly transcend cultural and national boundaries, bringing people together. Perhaps the best example of this is the Live Aid concerts that took place in the 1980s, which were broadcast to a global audience. Two live events were held simultaneously in the UK and the US, with the objective of raising funds for famine relief in Ethiopia. The concerts were a tremendous success, both in terms of the number of viewers worldwide and their impact on international public awareness of the famine. They demonstrated, I believe, that music truly is the planet’s universal language.
Just as it transcends cultures, music also has the ability to connect people from different generations. Regardless of age, we can all enjoy a memorable melody, a strong rhythm or a beautiful singing voice, and the best songs seem to have the same magical effect on all of us. This would explain why televised music competitions, such as ‘The X Factor’ or ‘The Voice’, are such popular prime-time shows. These programmes attract incredibly broad audiences because singing and popular songs appeal to children, parents and grandparents alike. I would argue that no other form of entertainment can bring families together in this way.
Just as it transcends cultures, music also has the ability to connect people from different generations. Regardless of age, we can all appreciate a memorable melody, a strong rhythm, or a beautiful singing voice, and the best songs seem to have the same magical effect on all of us. This explains why televised music competitions, such as ‘The X Factor’ or ‘The Voice’, are such popular prime-time shows. These programs attract an incredibly broad audience because singing and popular songs appeal to children, parents, and grandparents alike. I would argue that no other form of entertainment can bring families together in this way.
In conclusion, I believe that music is unique in its capacity to create shared experiences between people, irrespective of culture and age.
In conclusion, I believe that music is unique in its capacity to create shared experiences among people, irrespective of culture and age.
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Overall Band Score
9
Overview
Vocabulary Range
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Task Achievement

  • Strengths: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by clearly stating the writer's agreement with the opinion that music brings people of different cultures and ages together. The response provides relevant examples, such as the Live Aid concerts and televised music competitions, to support the argument.
  • Areas for Improvement: While the essay provides strong examples, it could benefit from a more detailed explanation of how these examples specifically illustrate the unifying power of music. Additionally, consider addressing potential counterarguments to strengthen the position further.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Strengths: The essay is well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph logically follows from the previous one, and the use of linking words (e.g., "Perhaps the best example," "Just as it transcends") helps maintain a smooth flow.
  • Areas for Improvement: The essay could improve cohesion by explicitly linking the examples back to the main argument. For instance, after discussing the Live Aid concerts, a sentence summarizing how this example demonstrates music's unifying power would enhance clarity.

Lexical Resource

  • Strengths: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with phrases like "reach across cultural and national boundaries," "transcends cultures," and "magical effect." The language is appropriate and varied.
  • Areas for Improvement: To further enhance lexical resource, consider incorporating more varied synonyms and expressions related to unity and connection. This would add depth to the argument and demonstrate a wider range of vocabulary.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Strengths: The essay exhibits a strong command of grammar, with accurate use of complex sentence structures and varied sentence lengths. There are no noticeable grammatical errors, which contributes to the clarity and professionalism of the writing.
  • Areas for Improvement: While the grammatical range is good, the essay could benefit from more varied sentence structures, such as conditional sentences or passive voice, to demonstrate a higher level of grammatical proficiency.

Overall, the essay effectively communicates the writer's agreement with the prompt and provides relevant examples to support the argument. With minor improvements in explanation, cohesion, and lexical variety, the response could be even more compelling.