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Question: In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard ...

Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
In recent years, some children were told about they can got any thing could get anything if they tried hard enough. This trend has brought several advantages and drawbacks. This essay will discuss the benefits such as positive rosyoutlooks and setting goals, as well as it also presents the challenges, such as disappointeddisappointment and insisting on woringwrong goals. One of the primary benefits of some children being told about they can got any thing could get anything if they tried hard enough is the optimisticoptimism and achvingachieving goals. Setting goals and being optimistic are two optionsfactors which playsplay an essential role in everyone's success. For example, by being optimistic in life one can manage tasks effectively, which resultresults in achieving goals. However, some children aboutwere told they can got any thing could get anything if they tried hard enough. One major drawback is frustrated frustration. By being disappointed and failedfailing to achiveachieve their goals. For example, they can be depressed in some cases, especially those who are emotionally fragile. Furthermore, insisting on woringwrong goals, can result in following what they are talented in, especially for children with enormous goals and they can't ability to achieve their goals. For example, these kindkinds of children, by being don't achieve for not achieving what they were thoughttaught and they managed in life, they feel failing to achive goal achieve goals. Overall, while some children were told about they can got any thing could get anything if they tried hard enough offers several benefits, such as setting goals. It, it also brings serious drawbacks disappointedlike disappointment. Although the benefits may make children being told about they can got any thing could get anything if they tried hard enough appealing in certain ways, the disadvantages highlight the need for a balanced approach. To fully address these issues, individuals and policymakers alike must carefully weigh both the positives and negatives, ensuring that children being told about they can got any thing could get anything if they tried hard enough is used in a way that maximizes benefits while minimizing its adverse effects.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
In recent years, some children told about they can got any thing if they tried hard enough. This trend has brought several advantages and drawbacks. This essay will discuss the benefits such as positive rosy and setting goals, as well as it also presents challenges, such as disappointed and insisting on woring goals. One of the primary benefits of some children told about they can got any thing if they tried hard enough is the optimistic and achving goals. Setting goals and optimistic are two options which plays an essential role in everyone's success. For example, by being optimistic in life one can manage tasks effectively, which result in achieving goals. However, some children about they can got any thing if they tried hard enough. One major drawback is frustrated . By being disappointed and failed to achive their goals. For example, they can be depressed in some cases, especially who are emotionally fragile. Furthermore, insisting on woring goals, can result following what they talented, especially for children enormous goals and they can't ability to their goals. For example, these kind of children by being don't achieve for what they were thought and they managed in life they feel failing to achive goal. Overall, while some children told about they can got any thing if they tried hard enough offers several benefits, such as setting goals. It also brings serious drawbacks disappointed. Although the benefits may make children told about they can got any thing if they tried hard enough appealing in certain ways, the disadvantages highlight the need for balanced approach. To fully address these issues, individuals and policymakers alike must carefully weigh both the positives and negatives, ensuring that children told about they can got any thing if they tried hard enough is used in a way that maximizes benefits while minimizing its adverse effects.
In recent years, children have been told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. This trend has both advantages and disadvantages. This essay will discuss the benefits, such as fostering optimism and goal-setting, as well as the challenges, including potential disappointment and pursuing unrealistic goals. One significant advantage of encouraging children to believe they can achieve anything through effort is that it promotes optimism and goal achievement. Setting goals and maintaining a positive outlook play crucial roles in personal success. For instance, optimism helps individuals approach tasks more effectively, increasing their chances of success. However, this mindset also has drawbacks. A major concern is the risk of frustration when children fail to meet their goals. For emotionally vulnerable children, repeated failures may lead to discouragement or even depression. Additionally, insisting on unrealistic goals can prevent children from recognizing their true talents. Some may pursue ambitions beyond their capabilities, leading to feelings of inadequacy when they fall short. In conclusion, while teaching children that effort leads to success has benefits like encouraging goal-setting, it also carries risks such as disappointment. A balanced approach is necessary to maximize the advantages while minimizing negative effects. Parents and educators should guide children to set realistic goals while maintaining a supportive environment.
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Overall Band Score
4
Overview
Vocabulary Range
weak
Linking Words
average
Spelling
weak
Grammar Accuracy
weak
Grammar Range
weak
Cohesion
average
Paragraph Structure
average
Task Response
average
Word Count
sufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

Feedback on the Essay:

Task Achievement

  • The essay addresses the prompt but lacks clarity and coherence in presenting ideas. The advantages and disadvantages are mentioned, but the arguments are not well-developed or logically structured.
  • Examples are provided, but they are vague and not effectively linked to the main points. For instance, "optimistic and achieving goals" is unclear, and the example about depression is not well-explained.
  • The conclusion attempts to summarize the points but repeats phrases awkwardly ("children told about they can got any thing if they tried hard enough") instead of refining the argument.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • The essay lacks logical flow. Sentences are often disjointed, making it difficult to follow the argument.
  • Repetition of phrases ("some children told about they can got any thing if they tried hard enough") weakens cohesion.
  • Paragraph structure is unclear. Some ideas are crammed together without proper transitions.
  • Grammar errors (e.g., "rosy," "woring goals," "failing to achive goal") disrupt readability.

Lexical Resource

  • Word choice is often incorrect or unnatural (e.g., "positive rosy," "disappointed," "woring goals").
  • Frequent spelling mistakes ("achving," "disappointed," "achive") reduce clarity.
  • Some phrases are awkwardly constructed (e.g., "insisting on woring goals," "they can't ability to their goals").
  • Limited range of vocabulary; the same ideas are repeated without variation.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Many grammatical errors affect meaning (e.g., "some children told about they can got any thing" should be "children are told they can achieve anything").
  • Incorrect verb forms ("tried hard enough is the optimistic," "they can got").
  • Sentence structure is often faulty (e.g., "By being disappointed and failed to achive their goals" lacks subject-verb agreement).
  • Punctuation errors (missing commas, incorrect capitalization) further hinder readability.

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Clarify Ideas: Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea with supporting explanations.
  2. Improve Grammar & Vocabulary: Review basic sentence structure and word choice to avoid awkward phrasing.
  3. Enhance Cohesion: Use linking words (e.g., "Furthermore," "However") to connect ideas logically.
  4. Proofread: Correct spelling and grammatical mistakes to improve clarity.
  5. Refine Examples: Provide specific, well-explained examples to strengthen arguments.

The essay has potential but requires significant revision for coherence, grammar, and vocabulary accuracy.