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Question: Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which cause many h...

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Nowadays, various health issues inamong the public are caused by the high rate of sugar content in manufactured food and drinks. Some argue that the best method to avoid these problems is for governments to increase the prices of these kinds of food and drink. While I agree that manufactured foods and drinks have direct effects on health problems, I believe that there are more alternative measures that governments can take to address this situation. On the one hand, it is true that processed food and drink have fewer nutrients than domestichomemade meals; in fact, these types of foods often contain significant levels of sugar. Therefore, manufactured food and drink play a crucial role in increasing diseases, such as diabetes. They are always part of people’s diets regardless of age andor gender, like a child taking packaged cakes every day to school, or adults consuming ready-made drinks. Moreover, obesity and a sedentary lifestyle are other drawbacks. For example, children have an obsession with eating ice creamscream, chocolates, and sodas; as a result, in adulthood they might face those problems besidesalongside the health issues. On the other hand, while others advocate for higher prices of factory-made products to discourage people discourage from purchasing them, in my opinion, there are more productive methods that can be used by governments. Firstly, raising public awareness about the problems through advertisements in talk shows or on social media platforms. Additionally, the government can take an important step through its educational system, which directly has an essential impact on children. Mostly, teachers are the greatest role models for their students. Finally, the health system makes a significant contribution in this matter. For instance, doctors and nurses can educate patients about their well-being, encouraging them to monitor their diets more closely. In conclusion, processed food and drink products have detrimental effects on human health due to their considerable amounts of sugarssugar. Some people consider that individuals will be less attracted to these kinds of products, if governments introduce laws to increase their prices. Although I completely agree with the health issues, such as diabetes and obesity, I disagree with this solution. In my view, governments can tackle this problem through the educational and health systems.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
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Nowadays, various health issues in the public are caused by the high rate of sugar content in manufactured food and drinks. Some argue that the best method to avoid these problems is for governments to increase the prices of these kinds of food and drink. While I agree that manufactured foods and drinks have direct effects on health problems, I believe that there are more alternative measures that governments can take to address this situation.
Nowadays, numerous public health issues stem from the excessive sugar content in processed foods and beverages. Some argue that governments should address these problems by increasing the prices of such products. While I acknowledge that manufactured foods and drinks directly contribute to health concerns, I believe alternative measures would be more effective in tackling this issue.
On the one hand, it is true that processed food and drink have fewer nutrients than domestic meals; in fact, these types of foods often contain significant levels of sugar. Therefore, manufactured food and drink play a crucial role in increasing diseases, such as diabetes. They are always part of people’s diets regardless of age and gender, like a child taking packaged cakes every day to school, or adults consuming ready-made drinks. Moreover, obesity and a sedentary lifestyle are other drawbacks. For example, children have an obsession with eating ice creams, chocolates, and sodas; as a result, in adulthood they might face those problems besides the health issues.
On one hand, processed foods and drinks are indeed nutritionally inferior to homemade meals, often containing alarmingly high sugar levels. Consequently, these products significantly contribute to the rise of diseases like diabetes. They have become dietary staples across all demographics—children consuming packaged snacks daily or adults regularly drinking ready-made beverages. Furthermore, such consumption patterns lead to obesity and sedentary lifestyles. For instance, children's excessive intake of ice cream, chocolate, and soda may result in lifelong health complications.
On the other hand, while others advocate for higher prices of factory-made products to people discourage from purchasing them, in my opinion, there are more productive methods that can be used by governments. Firstly, raising public awareness about the problems through advertisements in talk shows or on social media platforms. Additionally, the government can take an important step through its educational system, which directly has an essential impact on children. Mostly, teachers are the greatest role models for their students. Finally, the health system makes a significant contribution in this matter. For instance, doctors and nurses can educate patients about their well-being, encouraging them to monitor their diets more closely.
On the other hand, while some propose price hikes as a deterrent, I contend that governments should implement more constructive solutions. First, public awareness campaigns through media platforms and educational programs could effectively highlight health risks. Schools play a pivotal role, as teachers serve as influential role models who can shape children's eating habits. Additionally, healthcare professionals could provide dietary guidance during medical consultations, encouraging patients to make healthier choices.
In conclusion, processed food and drink products have detrimental effects on human health due to their considerable amounts of sugars. Some people consider that individuals will be less attracted to these kinds of products, if governments introduce laws to increase their prices. Although I completely agree with the health issues, such as diabetes and obesity, I disagree with this solution. In my view, governments can tackle this problem through the educational and health systems.
In conclusion, although processed foods and beverages with high sugar content undoubtedly harm public health, simply increasing their prices is not the optimal solution. Instead, governments should focus on education and healthcare initiatives to promote healthier lifestyles and dietary choices among citizens.
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Overall Band Score
7
Overview
Vocabulary Range
strong
Linking Words
strong
Spelling
strong
Grammar Accuracy
strong
Grammar Range
strong
Cohesion
strong
Paragraph Structure
strong
Task Response
strong
Word Count
sufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

Feedback on the Essay

Task Achievement

  • The essay effectively addresses the prompt, presenting a clear position (partial agreement) and supporting it with relevant arguments.
  • The introduction clearly states the writer’s stance, and the body paragraphs develop the argument logically.
  • Examples (e.g., children consuming packaged cakes, adults drinking ready-made beverages) strengthen the discussion.
  • The conclusion restates the position coherently but could be slightly more concise.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • The essay is well-structured with clear paragraphing (introduction, two body paragraphs, and conclusion).
  • Transitional phrases ("On the one hand," "On the other hand," "Moreover," "Finally") enhance readability.
  • Some sentences could be more tightly connected for smoother flow (e.g., the shift between discussing health problems and alternative solutions could be smoother).

Lexical Resource

  • A good range of vocabulary is used (e.g., "detrimental effects," "sedentary lifestyle," "advocate," "productive methods").
  • Some repetition occurs (e.g., "manufactured food and drink" could be varied with "processed foods," "sugary products").
  • A few word choices could be more precise (e.g., "domestic meals" might be better as "home-cooked meals").

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • The grammar is mostly accurate, with only minor errors (e.g., "people discourage from purchasing" should be "discourage people from purchasing").
  • A mix of complex and simple sentence structures is used effectively.
  • Some sentences could be more concise (e.g., "They are always part of people’s diets regardless of age and gender" could be tightened).

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Vary Vocabulary: Replace repeated phrases with synonyms (e.g., "processed foods" instead of "manufactured food and drink").
  2. Improve Sentence Flow: Ensure smoother transitions between ideas, especially when shifting from problems to solutions.
  3. Conciseness: Some sentences are slightly wordy; trimming them would improve clarity (e.g., "Finally, the health system makes a significant contribution in this matter" could be "Finally, healthcare professionals can also play a role").
  4. Grammar Refinement: Minor grammatical errors should be corrected (e.g., "people discourage from purchasing" → "discourage people from purchasing").

Overall, this is a well-developed essay with a strong argument. With slight refinements in vocabulary, cohesion, and conciseness, it could be even more effective.