Question: In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in...
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In recent decades, there has been notable growth in businesses’ advertisements, which mostly highlight that they have the newestlatest products. The most important reason is that companies’ income increases significantly by encouragingattracting more customers, and I believe that this trend has more detrimental consequences not only for individuals but also for the products.On the one hand, it is undeniable that companies need more money to survive in the modern competitive world, leading businesses to use some trickscertain strategies to influence customers. In this way, advertising agencies recognize that individuals are more likely to purchase new goods to experience something fresh or bestay up-to-date; thus, the most common method is to put a new label on the products. For example, most people want a newthe latest version of a smartphone because the brand persuades them that the lastprevious version is too oldoutdated for use, so every year people are more willing to buy a new brand phone.In my view, this trend is often more profitable for businesses, not than for ordinary people. In fact, customers are manipulatedinfluenced by advertising experts. For instance, the Apple, company in order to encourage theirits users to buy a new phone and also to emphasize theirits advertising motto, sometimes deliberately creates some critical issues with the lastprevious version of their phones. In addition, sometimes the feeling and experience of the customers cannotmay not be realgenuine because the new product is not actually new, and only the packaging is in a newdifferent color, like Dyson, which nearly every holiday or special events lunchesevent launches its new products; however, the product is just the same as before inwith a new color addition. As a result, more and more customers are encouraged to buy a new product even if it is not quitesignificantly different from what they might have in their homesalready own.In conclusion, more companies sell their products by putting stress on emphasizingthe newestlatest version. While their actions mostly have a vitalsignificant impact on their income;, in my opinion, this has no advantagesbenefits for customers, and people face the drawbacksdisadvantages.
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Feedback on the Essay
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt effectively, discussing why businesses emphasize newness in their products and evaluating whether this is a positive or negative trend.
The response provides clear explanations and relevant examples (e.g., Apple and Dyson) to support the argument.
However, the introduction could be more concise. The first sentence is somewhat repetitive ("notable growth in businesses’ advertisements, which mostly highlight that they have the newest products"). A clearer thesis statement would help.
The conclusion restates the position well but could be more nuanced by acknowledging potential counterarguments (e.g., innovation driving progress).
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically structured with distinct paragraphs for causes and opinions.
Some transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, the shift from the first body paragraph (businesses’ motivations) to the second (negative effects) feels abrupt. A linking phrase like "However, this strategy has significant downsides" would improve flow.
Minor repetition occurs (e.g., "new" is overused; synonyms like "latest," "updated," or "innovative" could help).
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is generally appropriate, but some word choices could be more precise. For example:
"Lunches" should be "launches."
"Manipulated by advertising experts" is strong; "influenced" might be more neutral.
Some phrases are awkward ("put a new label on the products" could be "rebrand products as new").
More varied synonyms for "new" and "businesses" would enhance lexical range.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex structures, but some errors affect clarity:
Subject-verb agreement: "businesses’ income increases" → "businesses’ incomes increase."
Article misuse: "the Apple company" → "Apple" (no article needed for brand names).
Tense inconsistency: "sometimes deliberately creates" (present simple) vs. "lunches" (should be "launches").
Run-on sentence: "For example, most people want a new version of a smartphone because the brand persuades them that the last version is too old for use, so every year people are more willing to buy a new brand phone." This could be split for clarity.
Suggestions for Improvement
Refine the introduction with a clearer thesis.
Improve transitions between paragraphs.
Vary vocabulary to avoid repetition.
Proofread for grammar (especially articles and verb forms).
Consider counterarguments to strengthen the analysis (e.g., innovation benefits).
Overall, the essay presents a coherent argument with strong examples but would benefit from tighter language control and more sophisticated phrasing.