Question: In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in...

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These days, Busisinessbusinesses in their promptingmarketing and advertising highliteshighlight some featursfeatures of their products like newlyas new and up-to-date due to the customer preferences for choosing newstnew things. I believe that, this is a positive advancmentadvancement because of the economical engancementeconomic enhancement. To begin with causes, Thethe main reason for emphasizingemphasising products as the latest is that, customers usually prefer the newest one. This is because businesses try to improve their prodoctsproducts and eleminateeliminate the bugs. So they are often more advanced. For instance, Apple company constantly upgardes theirupgrades its products, especially theirits smartphones. some, with features like battrybattery life and screen quality. asAs a result, because they become more alignaligned with their customercustomers's needs. Then it can boost increases their salesales rate. In my view, Itit is a positive advandmentadvancement because it ecourages campaniesencourages companies and businesses to develpedevelop their goods effecientlyefficiently to attract the attention of customers. This happneshappens because they souldshould compete to competitirswith competitors for producing the newest models. this cometitionThis competition can lead to innovative designs and feature. Whichfeatures, which can lead to economic growth for the country. forFor example, technolgy companistechnology companies like sumsungSamsung and nokiaNokia try to use the up-to-date and cutting -edge features in their products. so theisSo this approach may resultsresult in high-quality products if they want to win in this competition. In conclusion, due to the customer demand, businesses try to intruduceintroduce their products to audiences. In my opinion, the positive developments are significantly far more greater than the negatives.
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Overall Band Score
5
Overview
Vocabulary Range
average
Linking Words
average
Spelling
weak
Grammar Accuracy
weak
Grammar Range
average
Cohesion
average
Paragraph Structure
average
Task Response
average
Word Count
insufficient
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Task Achievement

  • Response to the Prompt: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing why businesses emphasize new features in their advertising and provides an opinion on whether this is a positive or negative development. However, the response could be more detailed, particularly in explaining why this trend is positive.
  • Ideas and Examples: The essay provides examples, such as Apple and Samsung, to support the points made. However, these examples could be expanded upon to provide a clearer connection to the argument.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Organization: The essay is organized into paragraphs, each focusing on a specific point. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, the transition from discussing customer preferences to economic growth could be more clearly articulated.
  • Cohesion: Use of cohesive devices is present but could be improved. Phrases like "as a result" and "for example" are used, but more varied linking words and phrases could enhance the flow of the essay.

Lexical Resource

  • Vocabulary: The essay uses a range of vocabulary related to business and technology, such as "up-to-date," "cutting edge," and "innovative designs." However, there are several spelling errors (e.g., "Busisiness," "highlites," "prodocts") that detract from the overall impression.
  • Word Choice: Some word choices are awkward or incorrect, such as "newly" instead of "new" and "advandment" instead of "advancement." Careful proofreading could help correct these issues.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Sentence Structure: The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentences. However, some sentences are fragmented or lack proper punctuation, such as "some features like battry life and screen quality. as a result because they become more align with their customer's needs."
  • Grammar: There are several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues and incorrect verb forms (e.g., "try to improve their prodocts and eleminate the bugs"). These errors can obscure meaning and should be addressed.

Overall Suggestions

  • Proofreading: Careful proofreading is necessary to correct spelling and grammatical errors. This will improve clarity and readability.
  • Expansion of Ideas: Provide more detailed explanations and examples to support the argument. This will strengthen the essay's persuasiveness.
  • Cohesion and Coherence: Work on improving the flow of ideas by using a wider range of linking words and ensuring logical progression between points.

By addressing these areas, the essay can be significantly improved in terms of clarity, coherence, and overall effectiveness.