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Question: Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you t...

Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? It is true that, nowadays, children spend a significant amount of their daily time on digital gadgets like smartphones. I believe this trend havehas a negative impact on their children, and Inin this essay, I will explore the causecauses of that. To begin with the causes, one of the major reasons is that smartphones often offer a wider range of options to them as for entertainment, such as: online video games, cartoons, animations, and storybooks. These programprogrammes, because of their innovative designs, are interesting and appealing forto them. For instance, a child can easy has an easy easily have access to various games just via clickby clicking on the bottombutton or simply search it.searching for them, which in reality may not have many options for playing gamegames. Additionally, parentparents these days, due to their demanding and tight schedules, do not have sufficient time to spending time spend with thiertheir children. Consequently, they prefferprefer to keep bust them busy through smartphones. In my view, this approchapproach has numrousnumerous harmful effects on children, both physically and mentally. This is because when they lookinglook at screenscreens frequently and for long timeperiods, thiertheir eyes can become weekweak or even headacklead to headaches. What's more, it can impact on their social skills in the long term. toTo illustrate, when a kid allocateallocates a majority of their time to screens, they lose their interest toin engaging in group games or spending time with their friends in reality. thisThis is because online games provide them with more intresting activityinteresting activities. finallyFinally, spending time too much time on online applications inon digital devices limitlimits their activity byto just sitting down and clicking and scorllingscrolling on screenscreens, which can leadslead to obesity due to a lack of movementsmovement and physical activities. In conclusion, various reasons can contribute to children engaging children many timetimes on their smartphones, such as captivating apps and being convenience. In my view, while it havehas potential effectsbenefits, their detrimental impactaimpacts are more significant.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? It is true that, nowadays children spend a significant amount of their daily time on digital gadgets like smartphones. I believe this trend have a negative impact on their children and In this essay, I will explore the cause of that. To begin with causes, one of the major reasons is that smartphones often offer a wider range of options to them as entertainment such as: online video games, cartoons, animations and storybooks. These program because of their innovative designs are interesting and appealing for them. For instance, a child can easy has an easy access to various games just via click on the bottom or simply search it. which in reality may not have many options for playing game. Additionally, parent these days due to their demanding and tight schedules do not have sufficient time to spending time with thier children. Consequently, they preffer to keep bust them through smartphones. In my view this approch has numrous harmful effects on children both physically and mentally. This is because when they looking at screen frequently and for long time, thier eyes can become week or even headack. What's more it can impact on their social skills in the long term. to illustrate, when a kid allocate a majority of their time, they lose their interest to engaging in group games or spending time with their friends in reality. this is because online games provide them more intresting activity. finally spending time too much on online applications in digital devices limit their activity by just sitting down and clicking and scorlling on screen, which can leads to obesity due to lack of movements and physical activities. In conclusion, various reasons can contribute to engaging children many time on their smartphones such as captivating apps and being convenience. In my view, while it have potential effects, their detrimental impacta are more significant.
Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? It is true that, nowadays, children spend a significant amount of their daily time on digital gadgets like smartphones. I believe this trend has a negative impact on children, and in this essay, I will explore the causes of this phenomenon. To begin with the causes, one of the major reasons is that smartphones often offer a wider range of entertainment options, such as online video games, cartoons, animations, and storybooks. These programs, due to their innovative designs, are interesting and appealing to children. For instance, a child can easily access various games with just a click of a button or a simple search, which may not be possible with traditional forms of play. Additionally, parents these days, due to their demanding and tight schedules, do not have sufficient time to spend with their children. Consequently, they prefer to keep them occupied with smartphones. In my view, this approach has numerous harmful effects on children, both physically and mentally. This is because when they look at screens frequently and for long periods, their eyes can become weak, or they may even suffer from headaches. Furthermore, it can impact their social skills in the long term. To illustrate, when a child allocates a majority of their time to screen-based activities, they lose interest in engaging in group games or spending time with their friends in real life. This is because online games provide them with more stimulating activities. Finally, spending excessive time on online applications limits their physical activity, as they are often just sitting down and scrolling on screens, which can lead to obesity due to a lack of movement and physical exercise. In conclusion, various reasons contribute to children spending excessive time on their smartphones, such as captivating apps and convenience. In my view, while there may be some potential benefits, the detrimental impacts are far more significant.
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Overall Band Score
5
Overview
Vocabulary Range
average
Linking Words
average
Spelling
weak
Grammar Accuracy
weak
Grammar Range
average
Cohesion
average
Paragraph Structure
average
Task Response
average
Word Count
sufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

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Task Achievement

  • Addressing the Prompt: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt by discussing why children spend hours on smartphones and evaluating whether this is a positive or negative development. However, the essay could benefit from a clearer thesis statement in the introduction that directly answers both parts of the question.
  • Development of Ideas: The essay provides reasons for children's smartphone usage and discusses the negative impacts. However, the explanation of these points could be more detailed. For instance, the essay could include more specific examples or data to support the claims about the negative effects on physical and mental health.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Organization: The essay is organized into paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect of the topic. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For example, the transition from discussing causes to effects could be more explicit.
  • Cohesive Devices: The use of cohesive devices is somewhat inconsistent. Phrases like "to begin with" and "in conclusion" are used, but other transitions between sentences and ideas could be improved for better flow.

Lexical Resource

  • Range of Vocabulary: The essay uses a range of vocabulary related to the topic, such as "digital gadgets," "innovative designs," and "social skills." However, there are some repetitive phrases, such as "spending time," which could be varied.
  • Accuracy: There are several spelling and word choice errors, such as "week" instead of "weak," "headack" instead of "headache," and "intresting" instead of "interesting." These errors can detract from the clarity of the essay.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Sentence Structure: The essay includes a mix of simple and complex sentences. However, some sentences are awkwardly structured or contain grammatical errors, such as "I believe this trend have a negative impact on their children" and "a child can easy has an easy access."
  • Grammar: There are several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ("this trend have" should be "this trend has") and incorrect verb forms ("spending" should be "spend" in "time to spending time").

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Thesis Statement: Clearly state your position on whether the development is positive or negative in the introduction.
  2. Support and Examples: Provide more detailed examples or data to support your points about the negative impacts of smartphone usage.
  3. Transitions: Use more cohesive devices to improve the flow between ideas and paragraphs.
  4. Vocabulary and Spelling: Vary your vocabulary and check for spelling errors to enhance clarity.
  5. Grammar: Review subject-verb agreement and sentence structure to improve grammatical accuracy. Consider using grammar-checking tools or resources to identify and correct errors.

By addressing these areas, the essay can be more coherent, persuasive, and aligned with the IELTS writing criteria.