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Question: Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines...

Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
In the contemporary era, the phenomenon of health has witnessed an unprecedented surge, reflecting a significant shift in people's habits. A debate has emerged among individuals about whether using new medicines and treatments can be effective or not, rather than going to a doctor. I argue that the adverse repercussions of alternative curative methods, particularly in terms of health problems and dangerous risks, far outweigh the benefits, making it a largely harmful breakthrough. On the one hand, many proponents claim that these methods are much more affordable than itstheir traditional onescounterparts, resulting in saving a vast amount of money for other essential needs of life. Moreover, it is argued that they can meet the deliver results faster as opposed to the time they gospent going to the physicians. On the other hand, numerous opponents contend that using medicines and treatments without the opinion of experts leads to dire consequences, affecting not only physical health but also the mental health of consumers. They believe that if citizens are able to treat one problemsproblem, as a result of trying this approach, they will be faced with other hardships, which is why they warn individuals not to do not use options like this. A poignant example of this can be found in a survey conducted in Japan, which revealed that cardiovascular disease and renal failure problems onamong those people thatwho decided to try new solutions rather than opt for visiting doctors. In conclusion, although utilizing alternative medicines and treatments is thought by some to be one of the most effectiveseffective means of to solve solving well-being difficulties, a large number of researchers declare that it is an overly simplistic resolution. They concernare concerned that this way of facing health issues may lead to other health problems while the initial hurdle is existstill exists. I firmly believe that the multitude of drawbacks derived from this approach that make makes it detrimental instead of beneficial.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
In the contemporary era, the phenomenon of health has witnessed an unprecedented surge, reflecting a significant shift in people habits. A debate has emerged among individuals about whether using new medicines and treatments can be effective or not rather than going to doctor. I argue that the adverse repercussions of alternative curative methods, particularly in terms of health problems and dangerous risks, far outweigh the benefits, making it a largely harmful breakthrough.
In the contemporary era, the importance of health has witnessed unprecedented attention, reflecting a significant shift in people's habits. A debate has emerged regarding whether self-medication and alternative treatments can be as effective as consulting medical professionals. I argue that the adverse consequences of alternative curative methods, particularly in terms of health risks and potential dangers, far outweigh their benefits, making them largely harmful.
On the one hand, many proponents claim that these methods are much affordable than its traditional ones, resulting in saving a vast amount of money for other essential needs of life. Moreover, it is argued that they can meet the results faster as opposed the time they go to the physicians.
On one hand, proponents claim that alternative treatments are more affordable than traditional medical care, allowing individuals to save money for other essential needs. Moreover, they argue that these methods can yield faster results compared to visiting physicians.
On the other hand, numerous opponents contend that using medicines and treatments without the opinion of experts leads to dire consequences, affecting not only physical health but also mental health of consumers. They believe that if citizens are able to treat one problems, as a result of trying this approach, they will be faced with other hardships, which is why they warn individuals to do not use options like this. A poignant example of this can be found in a survey conducted in Japan, which revealed that cardiovascular disease and renal failure problems on those people that decided to try new solutions rather than opt for visiting doctors.
On the other hand, opponents contend that using medicines and treatments without professional guidance leads to severe consequences, adversely affecting both physical and mental health. They warn that while individuals may temporarily address one health issue through self-treatment, they often face additional complications as a result. A striking example is a survey conducted in Japan, which revealed increased cases of cardiovascular disease and renal failure among those who opted for unverified treatments instead of consulting doctors.
In conclusion, although utilizing alternative medicines and treatments is thought by some to be one of the most effectives means of to solve well-being difficulties, a large number of researchers declare that it is an overly simplistic resolution. They concern that this way of facing health issues may lead to other health problems while the initial hurdle is exist. I firmly believe that the multitude of drawbacks derived from this approach that make it detrimental instead of beneficial.
In conclusion, although some consider alternative medicines an effective solution for health issues, numerous researchers argue that this approach is overly simplistic. They emphasize that such methods may exacerbate existing health problems or create new ones. I firmly believe that the significant drawbacks of self-treatment make it more detrimental than beneficial.
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Overall Band Score
6
Overview
Vocabulary Range
average
Linking Words
average
Spelling
average
Grammar Accuracy
average
Grammar Range
average
Cohesion
average
Paragraph Structure
average
Task Response
average
Word Count
sufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

Feedback on Your Essay

Task Achievement

  • Strengths:

    • You addressed the prompt directly, presenting a clear stance (negative development) and supporting it with arguments.
    • The essay is well-structured with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
    • You provided an example (Japan survey) to support your argument, which strengthens your position.
  • Areas for Improvement:

    • Some ideas could be more developed and clarified. For instance, the example from Japan is useful but lacks specific details (e.g., statistics or a credible source).
    • The conclusion could be more concise—it repeats ideas from the body paragraphs without adding new insights.
    • Grammar and word choice issues (e.g., "health has witnessed an unprecedented surge" is unclear—do you mean "health concerns"?) affect clarity.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Strengths:

    • The essay follows a logical structure, with clear topic sentences in each paragraph.
    • Transition words ("On the one hand," "On the other hand," "In conclusion") help guide the reader.
  • Areas for Improvement:

    • Some sentences are awkwardly phrased, making them hard to follow (e.g., "the phenomenon of health has witnessed an unprecedented surge").
    • Repetition of ideas (e.g., "health problems" is mentioned multiple times without variation).
    • Pronoun clarity: "its traditional ones" (paragraph 2) should be "their traditional counterparts" for better flow.

Lexical Resource

  • Strengths:

    • You use a varied vocabulary (e.g., "adverse repercussions," "poignant example," "dire consequences").
    • Some academic phrasing ("proponents," "opponents") is used effectively.
  • Areas for Improvement:

    • Word choice errors (e.g., "breakthrough" is misused—it should be "trend" or "development").
    • Unnatural phrasing: "one problems" (should be "one problem"), "effectives means of to solve" (should be "effective means of solving").
    • Overly complex sentences sometimes reduce clarity (e.g., "the initial hurdle is exist" should be "the initial hurdle persists").

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Strengths:

    • You attempt complex sentence structures, which is good for a higher score.
    • Some correct use of tenses and clauses (e.g., "if citizens are able to treat one problem...").
  • Areas for Improvement:

    • Subject-verb agreement errors: "health has witnessed" (should be "health issues have witnessed").
    • Article misuse: "a survey conducted in Japan" is correct, but "one problems" is incorrect.
    • Incorrect prepositions: "as opposed the time" should be "as opposed to the time."
    • Verb tense issues: "the initial hurdle is exist" should be "the initial hurdle exists."

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Clarify and refine ideas—avoid vague statements (e.g., "unprecedented surge in health").
  2. Proofread for grammar and word choice—simplify where necessary.
  3. Add more specific examples (e.g., name a type of alternative medicine and its risks).
  4. Avoid repetition—use synonyms (e.g., "detrimental" instead of "harmful").
  5. Make the conclusion more impactful—summarize key points without repeating them.

Overall, your essay has a strong argument and structure but would benefit from clearer expression and more precise language. Keep practicing!