Question: Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required ...
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It is argueargued between people,; some of them suppose that experts like doctors or engineers, should get a job in the country thatwhere they trained, while others thinksthink that they should be free to work in different regionregions if they want. I believe, it is very important for each person to have the freedom to select where to work, so we should leave them free and dotake some steps to prevent leaving after the course.
Firstly, Itit is true that some countries may need more professionals, so it is better to keep students in the country after finishing university or taining coursetraining courses, but I disagree bywith forcing them. Secondly, I think the government should encourage them and make a suitable facilities. It is more effective and keeps experts to provide excellent services for people.
On the one hand, it is relation betweenrelated to doing a job in a correct way and experts' mood. If they do not feel comfortable, maybe they could not be useful, so it is better to allow them to choose their work destination. On the other hand, they should improve theittheir knowledge, and in some countries, there are not enough educationeducational facilities,; for this reason, sometimes, experts need to change their country.
In conclusion, I agree bywith being free to make decisiondecisions about where to work. As some reasonable factoresfactors are to require professionals to work in the country thatwhere they are.
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Task Response
Addressing the Prompt: The essay addresses both views presented in the prompt, discussing the reasons why professionals might be required to work in their training country and why they should have the freedom to work elsewhere. However, the essay does not fully develop these points with specific examples or detailed arguments.
Position: Your position is clear; you believe professionals should have the freedom to choose where they work. However, the conclusion is incomplete and does not effectively summarize your arguments or reinforce your position.
Development: The essay lacks depth in its arguments. For instance, the idea of governments providing incentives to retain professionals could be expanded with examples or suggestions on what these incentives might be.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organization: The essay is organized into paragraphs, but the transition between ideas could be smoother. For example, the shift from discussing government incentives to the professionals' comfort is abrupt.
Cohesion: Use of cohesive devices is limited. Phrases like "on the one hand" and "on the other hand" are used, but more linking words and phrases could help guide the reader through your arguments more effectively.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary: The vocabulary is generally appropriate, but there are some errors and awkward phrases, such as "It is argue between people" and "some reasonable factores." Try to use more precise and varied vocabulary to express your ideas.
Word Choice: Some word choices are incorrect or awkward, such as "relation between doing a job in a correct way and experts mood." Consider revising these for clarity and accuracy.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammar: There are several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement ("some of them suppose"), incorrect verb forms ("thinks" instead of "think"), and missing articles ("in country" instead of "in the country").
Sentence Structure: Sentence structures are often simple and repetitive. Try to vary your sentence structures to include complex and compound sentences for better expression of ideas.
Suggestions for Improvement
Expand on Ideas: Provide more detailed arguments and examples to support your points. For instance, discuss specific incentives that could retain professionals in their training country.
Improve Cohesion: Use more linking words and phrases to connect your ideas and paragraphs smoothly.
Enhance Vocabulary: Work on expanding your vocabulary and using more precise language to express your ideas clearly.
Focus on Grammar: Pay attention to grammatical accuracy, particularly with subject-verb agreement and article usage. Consider practicing with grammar exercises to improve.
Complete the Conclusion: Ensure your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reinforces your position.