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Question: Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required ...

Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
Some people believe that when somecertain professionals, such as doctors and engineers, complete their studies, they should work where they had been were trained, while others believe that they should be free to make a decision decisions about their future. Despite the former opinion, I think that freedom is important, and professionals should have the right to choose where they want to work or live. On the one hand, some people believe that as governments allocate an array of budgets a significant budget and facilities for studyingtraining such professionals, it is reasonable to expect them to stay and serve for the training countrycountry where they were trained. Particularly if they study atin their own country, they will be responsible for the development of their countrynation. In other words, when professionals do not immigrate to emigrate abroad, the government would not be required need to takerecruit new labour forces, leading to economic improvement in the economy, as foreign workers may require new trainingsadditional training. For example, in many developing countries, there is a shortage of healthcare professionals. Requiring doctors to stay because not only can they alleviate this issue, but theyit can also can help governments not fund foravoid funding the training of new employees. On the other hand, some individuals think that people should be free to decide about their future because they have triedworked hard to achieve their goals, and it is the result of their perseverance and determinationsdetermination. SoTherefore, they should have the right to choose where they wish to live. Allowing professionals to gomove to other countries, can lead to personal growth, because as they will face with encounter more job opportunities, experiencegain new skills, making them to be a great expertise which and become highly skilled experts who can be useful for all of the worldcontribute globally. Take Prof. Samii, one of the most renowned neurosurgeons in the world, for example; although he graduated from Iran, he went to Germany for receiving more further training and finallyeventually became profProf. Samii. In conclusion, while serving for training the country where they were trained or owntheir home country can be goodfulfilling and giveprovide a sense of satisfaction, lI firmly believe that assince some countries might be poor and may not able unable to support professionals to receivein achieving higher positions, so it is acceptable for them to immigrateemigrate to other nations as they may to pursue their aimsgoals, leading them to personal growth.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
Some people believe that when some professionals, such as doctors and engineers complete their studies should work where they had been trained, while others believe that they should be free to make a decision about their future. Despite the former opinion, I think that freedom is important, and professionals should have the right to choose where they want to work or live.
Some people believe that professionals such as doctors and engineers should work where they were trained after completing their studies, while others argue they should have the freedom to choose their future. Although the former view has merit, I firmly believe that professionals should have the right to decide where they wish to work and live.
On the one hand, some people believe that as governments allocate an array of budgets and facilities for studying such professionals, it is reasonable to expect them stay and serve for the training country. Particularly if they study at their own country, they will be responsible for development of their country. In other words, when professionals do not immigrate to abroad, the government would not be required to take new labour forces, leading to improvement in the economy, as foreign workers may require new trainings. For example, in many developing countries, there is a shortage of healthcare professionals. Requiring doctors to stay because not only can they alleviate this issue but they also can help governments not fund for training of new employees.
On the one hand, proponents of requiring professionals to stay argue that governments invest significant resources in their education, making it reasonable to expect them to contribute to their home country. This is particularly important in developing nations, where retaining skilled workers can address critical shortages and reduce the need to train foreign replacements. For instance, many developing countries face a shortage of healthcare professionals, and requiring doctors to remain could alleviate this issue while saving government funds that would otherwise be spent on training new workers.
On the other hand, some individuals think that people should be free to decide about their future because they have tried to achieve their goals, and it is the result of their perseverance and determinations. So they should have the right to choose where they wish to live. Allowing professionals to go to other countries, can lead to personal growth because they will face with more job opportunities, experience new skills, making them to be a great expertise which can be useful for all of the world. Take Prof Samii, one of the most renowned neurosurgeons in the world, for example; although he graduated from Iran, he went to Germany for receiving more training and finally became prof Samii.
On the other hand, I support the view that professionals should have the freedom to choose their career paths. Their achievements result from personal effort and determination, so they deserve the right to pursue opportunities abroad. Working in different countries can enhance their skills through exposure to new techniques and broader job markets, ultimately benefiting the global community. A notable example is Prof. Samii, a world-renowned neurosurgeon who initially trained in Iran but advanced his career in Germany, where he gained expertise that contributed to medical science worldwide.
In conclusion, while serving for training country or own country can be good and give a sense of satisfaction, l firmly believe that as some countries might be poor and may not able to support professionals to receive higher positions, so it is acceptable to immigrate to other nations as they may pursue their aims, leading them to personal growth.
In conclusion, while serving one's home country can be fulfilling, professionals should not be restricted from pursuing opportunities abroad. Some nations may lack the resources to support career advancement, making migration a viable path for personal and professional growth. Therefore, individuals should be free to choose where they work and live.
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Check your essay for this topic
Overall Band Score
6.5
Overview
Vocabulary Range
average
Linking Words
average
Spelling
strong
Grammar Accuracy
average
Grammar Range
average
Cohesion
average
Paragraph Structure
average
Task Response
strong
Word Count
sufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

Feedback on the Essay:

Task Achievement:
The essay addresses both views and provides a clear opinion, which is good. However, the response could be more balanced in discussing the opposing view. The argument for requiring professionals to stay in their home country is somewhat underdeveloped compared to the argument supporting freedom of movement. More specific examples or elaboration on the economic and social benefits of retaining professionals would strengthen this side of the discussion. The conclusion is clear but could be more nuanced, acknowledging potential counterarguments to the writer's stance.

Coherence and Cohesion:
The essay is generally well-organized, with clear paragraphing and logical progression. However, some sentences are overly long or awkwardly phrased, which affects readability. For example:

  • "Particularly if they study at their own country, they will be responsible for development of their country." (This could be reworded for clarity.)
  • "Allowing professionals to go to other countries, can lead to personal growth because they will face with more job opportunities, experience new skills, making them to be a great expertise which can be useful for all of the world." (This sentence is convoluted and could be simplified.)

Linking words are used, but some transitions could be smoother. For instance, "Despite the former opinion" is a bit abrupt; a phrase like "While some hold this view, I believe..." might flow better.

Lexical Resource:
The vocabulary is generally appropriate, but there are some inaccuracies and awkward word choices:

  • "an array of budgets" → "significant funding" or "substantial resources" would sound more natural.
  • "making them to be a great expertise" → "helping them become highly skilled professionals" would be clearer.
  • "may not able to support" → "may not be able to support" (grammar error).

Some phrases are repetitive (e.g., "training country" appears multiple times; synonyms like "home country" or "country of education" could vary the language).

Grammatical Range and Accuracy:
There are several grammatical errors that affect clarity:

  • "should work where they had been trained" → "should work in the country where they were trained" (tense issue).
  • "they will face with more job opportunities" → "they will have access to more job opportunities" (incorrect preposition).
  • "making them to be a great expertise" → "helping them become experts" (incorrect infinitive and noun usage).

Sentence structure is sometimes problematic, with run-on sentences or fragments. For example:

  • "So they should have the right to choose where they wish to live." (This could be combined with the previous sentence for better flow.)

Suggestions for Improvement:

  1. Balance the discussion: Expand on the argument for requiring professionals to stay, providing more examples or data.
  2. Clarify sentences: Break up long sentences and rephrase awkward constructions.
  3. Proofread for grammar: Pay attention to prepositions, verb forms, and article usage.
  4. Vary vocabulary: Use synonyms to avoid repetition.
  5. Smooth transitions: Improve the flow between ideas with better linking words or phrasing.

Overall, the essay presents a clear opinion and covers the task requirements, but refining language and structure would significantly improve its quality.