Question: In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population i...
Marking Generated by Free AI Models
You are on the free tier, which uses free AI models. They can occasionally be slow, unstable, or temporarily unavailable. Balang Plus uses premium models for faster, more reliable, and higher-quality marking.
Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
There is a global trend in which dwellers migrate from country sidethe countryside to cities. As a result, the proportion of people living in rural areas decreases. I think it's a negative development due to several factors.
On one hand, there are many elements that encourage people to move to metropolises. As there might not be enough facilities, many people prefer to leave. For instance, educational facilities are not advanceadvanced in small villages. Consequently, when you try to have self-development, moving to cities makes it possible. More overMoreover, living in a city allows you to benefit from convenient public transportation, which country sidethe countryside might be deprived of. So if you don't own a vehicle, commuting in rural areas may be impossible. But it doesn't seem reasonable if we only care about individuals and not the problems that it may cause.
On the other hand, when rural people leave their home townhometown, this action leads to significant problems. Firstly, agriculture is going to be consigned to oblivion as there are no farmers in towns. The lack of agriculture may be felt by both rural and urban people. As fields and farms may be left, the soil may be eroded. Moreover, cities have capacities. Thus, when many people migratesmigrate to cities, it causes problems. Take Tehran as an example. HugeA huge number of migrants made this city crowded. Citizens suffer from a high volume of traffic and congested roads. It also putputs dwellers in a competition to own accommodation, which increases the house prices.
In conclusion, although rural people think migrating is beneficial for them, it is indeed problematic. I firmly believe that a huge migration number of migrations may cause problems that seemsseem hard to be addressedaddress.
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.
Feedback
Task Achievement
Response to the Prompt: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the reasons for rural-to-urban migration and the negative consequences of this trend. However, the essay could benefit from a clearer statement of your position in the introduction. While you mention that you think it's a negative development, a more explicit thesis statement outlining the main points you will discuss would strengthen your argument.
Examples and Support: The essay provides relevant examples, such as the lack of educational facilities in rural areas and the overcrowding in cities like Tehran. These examples effectively support your argument. However, further elaboration on how these issues specifically impact individuals and communities would enhance the depth of your analysis.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organization: The essay is organized into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect of the issue. The use of linking words and phrases (e.g., "On one hand," "On the other hand," "For instance") helps to guide the reader through your argument.
Logical Flow: While the essay generally flows well, the transition between discussing individual benefits and societal problems could be smoother. Consider using transitional sentences to better connect these ideas and maintain a cohesive argument throughout the essay.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms like "metropolises," "self-development," "consigned to oblivion," and "congested roads." However, there are some minor errors in word choice and usage, such as "advance" instead of "advanced" and "migrates" instead of "migrate."
Precision and Variety: While the vocabulary is varied, ensure that word choices are precise and appropriate for the context. For example, "country side" should be "countryside," and "dwellers" could be replaced with "residents" for clarity.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Sentence Structure: The essay includes a mix of simple and complex sentences, which adds variety to the writing. However, some sentences could be restructured for clarity and conciseness.
Grammar and Punctuation: There are a few grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ("many people migrates" should be "many people migrate") and missing articles ("the countryside" instead of "country side"). Pay attention to these details to improve accuracy.
Overall Impression
The essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a clear argument against rural-to-urban migration. To enhance the response, focus on refining the thesis statement, improving transitions between ideas, and correcting minor grammatical errors. Additionally, providing more detailed examples and elaborating on their implications would strengthen the overall argument.