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Question: It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their perso...

Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
Taking risky decisions is a matter whichthat is usually advised to grow in both personal life and professional career. While such decisiondecisions could yield some negative results, I strongly believe the merits comingthat come along often outweigh the potential drawbacks. On the one hand, some possible disadvantages might discourage people from taking risks as coming out of the comfort zone usually is a hard decision and needs a lot of thinkingthought. Take migration to another country as an obvious example of risky decisions; loneliness and homesickhomesickness are likely the first personal issues coming intothat come to mind whenever we want to talk about living abroad. Migrants have to leave their families and friends behind, relocating to a place where they do not know anyone. In such situationsituations, language barriers often aggravate the circumstance to makecircumstances of making new friends. From a professional perspective, leaving the financial stability inof your own country and starting a new career path elsewhere is not an easy task, and there is the risk of going bankrupt. inIn spite of all the arguments above, I deeply believe risk -taking is necessary to improve, and the brighter future that can come alongfrom risky decisions should not be overlooked. When we read about or talk with successful individuals, the majority of them point to a time they put aside their fear, changing their lives bywith an important decision. For instance, Cristiano Ronaldo, widely regarded as the greatest footballer of all time, at his 18, an age that many of his peers were scared even to live alone, decided to relocate to the UK from his own country to play infor a greater football club. From then on, his well-known career began, with achieving all the possible trophies. By that risky decision, not only did he leave a legacy in football, but he also have provided a luxurious life style lifestyle for himself and his family in their personal lives. To sum up, although it is accepted that coming out fromof one’s comfort zone is a hard and could be along withaccompanied by some problems, the positive outcomes of such decisions are so worthwhile that people should try their chancechances.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
Taking risky decisions is a matter which is usually advised to grow in both personal life and professional career. While such decision could yield some negative results, I strongly believe the merits coming along often outweigh the potential drawbacks.
Taking risky decisions is a matter that is often advised for growth in both personal life and professional careers. While such decisions can yield negative results, I strongly believe that the merits often outweigh the potential drawbacks.
On the one hand, some possible disadvantages might discourage people from taking risks as coming out of the comfort zone usually is a hard decision and needs a lot of thinking. Take migration to another country as an obvious example of risky decisions; loneliness and homesick are likely the first personal issues coming into mind whenever we want to talk about living abroad. Migrants have to leave their families and friends behind, relocating to a place where they do not know anyone. In such situation, language barriers often aggravate the circumstance to make new friends. From a professional perspective, leaving the financial stability in your own country and starting a new career path elsewhere is not an easy task and there is the risk of going bankrupt.
On the one hand, some possible disadvantages might discourage people from taking risks, as stepping out of one’s comfort zone is usually a difficult decision that requires considerable thought. Migration to another country serves as a clear example of a risky decision; feelings of loneliness and homesickness are likely the first personal issues that come to mind when discussing living abroad. Migrants must leave their families and friends behind, relocating to a place where they do not know anyone. In such situations, language barriers can further complicate the process of making new friends. From a professional perspective, leaving behind financial stability in one’s home country to start a new career path elsewhere is not an easy task, and there is a significant risk of financial failure.
in spite of all the arguments above, I deeply believe risk taking is necessary to improve and the brighter future that can come along risky decisions should not be overlooked. When we read about or talk with successful individuals, the majority of them point to a time they put aside their fear, changing their lives by an important decision. For instance, Cristiano Ronaldo, widely regarded as the greatest footballer of all time, at his 18, an age that many of his peers scared even to live alone, decided to relocate to the UK from his own country to play in a greater football club. From then on, his well-known career began, with achieving all the possible trophies. By that risky decision, not only did he leave a legacy in football, but he also have provided a luxurious life style for himself and his family in their personal lives.
Despite these arguments, I firmly believe that risk-taking is essential for personal improvement, and the brighter future that can result from such decisions should not be overlooked. When we read about or speak with successful individuals, the majority of them point to a time when they set aside their fears and made a significant decision that changed their lives. For instance, Cristiano Ronaldo, widely regarded as one of the greatest footballers of all time, made the bold decision to relocate to the UK at the age of 18, an age when many of his peers were too afraid to live alone. This decision allowed him to play for a prestigious football club, and from that moment, his illustrious career began, culminating in numerous trophies. By making that risky choice, he not only left a lasting legacy in football but also provided a luxurious lifestyle for himself and his family.
To sum up, although it is accepted that coming out from one’s comfort zone is a hard and could be along with some problems, the positive outcomes of such decisions are so worthwhile that people should try their chance.
In conclusion, although it is acknowledged that stepping out of one’s comfort zone can be challenging and may come with various problems, the positive outcomes of such decisions are so significant that individuals should seize the opportunity to take risks.
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Overall Band Score
7
Overview
Vocabulary Range
strong
Linking Words
average
Spelling
strong
Grammar Accuracy
average
Grammar Range
average
Cohesion
average
Paragraph Structure
strong
Task Response
strong
Word Count
sufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

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Task Achievement

  • Response to the Prompt: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of taking risks in personal and professional contexts. It clearly states the writer's position that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
  • Examples and Support: The essay provides relevant examples, such as migration and the career of Cristiano Ronaldo, to support the argument. These examples are well-chosen and illustrate the points effectively.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Organization: The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph has a clear main idea, and the progression of ideas is logical.
  • Cohesive Devices: The use of cohesive devices is generally effective, with phrases like "on the one hand," "in spite of," and "to sum up" helping to guide the reader through the argument. However, there could be more varied use of linking words to enhance the flow between sentences and ideas.

Lexical Resource

  • Vocabulary: The vocabulary used is appropriate and varied, with some good examples of higher-level language such as "aggravate," "relocating," and "luxurious lifestyle." However, there are a few minor errors, such as "have provided" instead of "has provided."
  • Word Choice: Some word choices could be improved for precision, such as "a matter which is usually advised" which could be rephrased for clarity.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Sentence Structure: The essay demonstrates a range of sentence structures, including complex sentences. However, there are some grammatical errors, such as "in spite of all the arguments above" which should be "despite all the arguments above."
  • Grammar and Punctuation: There are minor issues with capitalization, such as "in spite of" at the beginning of a sentence, which should be capitalized. Additionally, the phrase "a hard and could be along with some problems" is awkward and could be rephrased for clarity.

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Enhance Cohesion: Use a wider variety of linking words and phrases to improve the flow between ideas and sentences.
  2. Grammar and Punctuation: Pay attention to capitalization and ensure subject-verb agreement, especially in complex sentences.
  3. Clarity and Precision: Rephrase awkward or unclear phrases to improve clarity and precision in your writing.
  4. Lexical Variety: Continue to expand your vocabulary to express ideas more precisely and avoid repetition.

Overall, the essay presents a well-structured argument with relevant examples, but attention to grammatical accuracy and cohesion could further enhance its quality.