Writing evaluation result for: Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments... - Balang

Question: Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines...

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These days, the majority of people with healthyhealth issues prefer to use alternative medicines and treatments rather than meetingvisiting their usual doctors. I firmly believe that it will have detrimental effects on peoplespeople’s health and it is not a positive development due to several reasons that I will mention in this essay. To begin with, one reason why using alternative treatments instead of visiting doctors is a negative development is that it will have detrimentdetrimental effects on people’s health. When people are struggling with health issues, they will requireneed to be examined, and doctors can diagnose their main problems. If they try alternative medicines, they will be more likely to pose a difficulty in doctordoctors’s diagnosis. For example, people struggling with high blood pressure, a dangerous disease, for example; if they are not been treated by doctors, it can lead to serious problems such as stroke, or heart disease, as some alternative medicines may not be experimentedhave been tested by scientistscientists and have serious side effects for people who suffer from high blood pressurespressure. Moreover, another reason that if illnesses try to use using alternative medicines instead of meeting their visiting doctors is not a positive development is that it can undermine medical professionals. When illnessespatients use unknown medicines, they may get good results in some situations without knowing about their side effects, leading to destroyinga loss of trust amongbetween people and doctors as they think their health issues get overhave been completely resolved. Take some herbal medicines such as ginger, which are useful for health issues sometimes, for example; it can give people a sense of temporary healing temporary, making people think their problem havehas been ameliorateameliorated and it is not essential to meetsee a doctor. In conclusion, I firmly believe that using alternative medicines and treatments can be a negative development due to its potential to pose a threaten onthreat to people’s health as an abundant many of them have not been experimentedtested and it can adversely affect medical professionals, and making people may notless likely to trust in doctors easily.

This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.

These days, the majority of people with healthy issues prefer to use alternative medicines and treatments rather than meeting their usual doctors. I firmly believe that it will have detrimental effects on peoples’ health and it is not a positive development due to several reasons that I will mention in this essay.

These days, many people with health issues prefer using alternative medicines and treatments rather than consulting their doctors. I firmly believe this trend has detrimental effects on people's health and is not a positive development for several reasons that I will discuss in this essay.

To begin with, one reason why using alternative treatments instead of visiting doctors a negative development is that it will have detriment effects on people’s health. When people are struggling with health issues, they will require to be examined, and doctors diagnose their main problems. If they try alternative medicines, they will be more likely to pose a difficulty in doctor’s diagnosis. For example, people struggling with high blood pressure, a dangerous disease, for example; if they not been treated by doctors can lead to serious problems such as stroke, heart disease as some alternative medicines may not be experimented by scientist and have serious side effects for people who suffer from high blood pressures.

Firstly, choosing alternative treatments over professional medical care can negatively impact people's health. When individuals face health problems, they need proper medical examination and accurate diagnosis from qualified doctors. Relying on unproven treatments may complicate diagnosis and delay effective care. For instance, people with high blood pressure—a serious condition—risk severe complications like stroke or heart disease if they avoid proper medical treatment. Many alternative medicines lack scientific validation and may have harmful side effects, particularly for those with chronic conditions.

Moreover, another reason that if illnesses try to use alternative medicines instead of meeting their doctors is not a positive development is that it can undermine medical professionals. When illnesses use unknown medicines, they may get good results in some situations without knowing about their side effects, leading to destroying trust among people and doctors as they think their health issues get over completely. Take some herbal medicines such as ginger which are useful for health issues sometimes, for example; it can give people a sense of healing temporary, making people think their problem have been ameliorate and it is not essential to meet doctor.

Secondly, this trend undermines trust in medical professionals. While some alternative remedies, such as herbal treatments like ginger, may provide temporary relief, they often mask symptoms without addressing the root cause. This can create a false sense of recovery, leading individuals to believe they no longer need medical attention. Over time, this erodes confidence in doctors and may prevent people from seeking necessary treatment.

In conclusion, I firmly believe that using alternative medicines and treatments can be a negative development due to its potential to pose a threaten on people’s health as an abundant of them have not been experimented and it can adversely affect medical professionals and people may not trust in doctors easily.

In conclusion, I strongly believe that relying on alternative medicines is a negative development due to the potential health risks posed by unverified treatments and the erosion of trust in medical professionals. Proper healthcare should always prioritize evidence-based medicine to ensure long-term well-being.

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Overall Band Score

5

Overview

Vocabulary Range

average

Linking Words

average

Spelling

weak

Grammar Accuracy

average

Grammar Range

average

Cohesion

average

Paragraph Structure

average

Task Response

strong

Word Count

sufficient

While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

Feedback on Your Essay

Task Achievement:

Your response addresses the prompt and presents a clear position (negative development). However, some arguments could be more developed.
The examples (high blood pressure and ginger) are relevant but could be explained more clearly. For instance, clarify how alternative treatments interfere with diagnosis or why temporary relief is harmful.
Some sentences are overly long and could be split for better readability.

Coherence and Cohesion:

The essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, transitions between ideas could be smoother.
Some sentences are repetitive (e.g., "negative development" is mentioned multiple times without variation).
The conclusion restates the position but could summarize key points more effectively.

Lexical Resource:

There are some awkward or incorrect word choices (e.g., "healthy issues" → "health issues," "illnesses try to use" → "patients try using").
Some phrases are unnatural (e.g., "pose a difficulty in doctor’s diagnosis" → "hinder a doctor’s diagnosis").
Spelling errors: "detriment effects" → "detrimental effects," "pose a threaten" → "pose a threat."

Grammatical Range and Accuracy:

Several grammatical errors affect clarity:
- "they will require to be examined" → "they will need to be examined."
- "it can give people a sense of healing temporary" → "it can provide temporary relief."
- "making people think their problem have been ameliorate" → "making people think their problem has been resolved."
Some verb tenses and agreements are incorrect (e.g., "illnesses try to use" → "patients try using").

Suggestions for Improvement:

Clarify Examples: Explain how alternative treatments interfere with medical diagnosis or why temporary relief is harmful.
Improve Word Choice: Use more precise vocabulary (e.g., "undermine trust in doctors" instead of "destroying trust among people and doctors").
Shorten Sentences: Break long sentences into shorter, clearer ones.
Proofread: Check for grammar and spelling errors before submitting.

Overall, your essay presents a clear stance but would benefit from more precise language, smoother transitions, and stronger examples. Keep practicing!