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Question: Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you t...

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In the contemporary era, the technology has witnessed an unprecedented surge, reflecting a significant shift in people’s habits. Nowadays, smartphones have changed the face of the world and we see children spendspending a vast amount of time on smartphones. I argue that the negative consequences of using digital devisesdevices, particularly in termterms of social and personal life, far outweigh the benefits, making it a largely detrimental breakthrough. Many researchers believe that the paramount importance of spending many hours inon smartphones is related to social media because they allowit allows them to establish cross-cultural friendships and also deep connections. So, they can get familiar with different individuals and it givegives them a sense of joy. Moreover, as technology develops nothing remains unchanged and the way children attend classclasses is no exception. Many proponents argue that one of the main reasons offor spending a lot of time on these cold-hard digital devisesdevices is due to the growth of online classclasses. A debate has emerged about whether smart phones smartphones are detrimental or not. Many supporters opine it can be beneficial in some aspects such as online education, and provide opportunities for those children that do not assess inhave access to quality training. While many proponents think a number of deficiencies are associated with using smart phonessmartphones. For instance, it can be significantly perilous for children's health, affecting not only mental health but also physical. They say loudly settingsitting for a long hours while children usinguse their smart gadgets can lead to dire consequences such as obesity, poor eyesight and spinal-related problems. Furthermore, in terms of mental issues a large number of scientists believe it may result in isolation. In conclusion, times have changed and the ways of living have as well. These days, many children spend manymuch time on smart phones smartphones and online education and social media are two crucial factors that contributes incontribute to this phenomenon. While many assert that it can be worthwhile, I firmly believe that the multitude of drawbacks derived from using a lot fromof digital devisesdevices do not represent a viable approach.
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In the contemporary era, the technology has witnessed an unprecedented surge, reflecting a significant shift in people’s habits. Nowadays, smartphones have changed the face of world and we see children spend a vast amount of time on smartphones. I argue that the negative consequences of using digital devises, particularly in term of social and personal life, far outweigh the benefits, making it a largely detrimental breakthrough.
In the contemporary era, technology has witnessed an unprecedented surge, reflecting a significant shift in people’s habits. Nowadays, smartphones have transformed the world, and we observe that children spend a vast amount of time on these devices. I argue that the negative consequences of using digital devices, particularly in terms of social and personal life, far outweigh the benefits, making it a largely detrimental breakthrough.
Many researchers believe that the paramount importance of spending many hours in smartphones is related to social media because they allow them to establish cross-cultural friendships and also deep connections. So, they can get familiar with different individuals and it give them a sense of joy. Moreover, as technology develops nothing remains unchanged and the way children attend class is no exception. Many proponents argue that one of the main reasons of spending a lot of time on these cold-hard digital devises is due to the growth of online class.
Many researchers believe that the paramount importance of spending many hours on smartphones is related to social media, as it allows users to establish cross-cultural friendships and deep connections. This exposure helps them become familiar with different individuals and provides a sense of joy. Moreover, as technology develops, nothing remains unchanged, and the way children attend classes is no exception. Many proponents argue that one of the main reasons for spending excessive time on these cold, hard digital devices is the growth of online classes.
A debate has emerged about whether smart phones are detrimental or not. Many supporters opine it can be beneficial in some aspects such as online education, and provide opportunities for those children that do not assess in quality training. While many proponents think a number of deficiencies are associated with using smart phones. For instance, it can be significantly perilous for children health, affecting not only mental health but also physical. They say loudly setting for a long hours while children using their smart gadgets can lead to dire consequences such as obesity, poor eyesight and spinal-related problems. Furthermore, in terms of mental issues a large number of scientists believe it may result in isolation.
A debate has emerged about whether smartphones are detrimental or not. Many supporters opine that they can be beneficial in certain aspects, such as online education, and provide opportunities for children who do not have access to quality training. However, many critics highlight the numerous deficiencies associated with smartphone use. For instance, it can be significantly perilous for children's health, affecting not only their mental well-being but also their physical health. Prolonged periods of sitting while using smart gadgets can lead to dire consequences such as obesity, poor eyesight, and spinal-related problems. Furthermore, in terms of mental health, a large number of scientists believe that excessive smartphone use may result in social isolation.
In conclusion, times have changed and the ways of living have as well. These days, many children spend many time on smart phones and online education and social media are two crucial factors that contributes in this phenomenon. While many assert that it can be worthwhile, I firmly believe that the multitude of drawbacks derived from using a lot from digital devises do not represent a viable approach.
In conclusion, times have changed, and so have our ways of living. These days, many children spend considerable time on smartphones, with online education and social media being two crucial factors contributing to this phenomenon. While some assert that these technologies can be worthwhile, I firmly believe that the multitude of drawbacks associated with excessive use of digital devices does not represent a viable approach.
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Overall Band Score
6
Overview
Vocabulary Range
strong
Linking Words
average
Spelling
average
Grammar Accuracy
average
Grammar Range
strong
Cohesion
average
Paragraph Structure
average
Task Response
strong
Word Count
sufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

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Task Achievement

  • Response to the Prompt: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt by discussing why children spend hours on smartphones and evaluating whether this is a positive or negative development. However, the reasons provided could be more explicitly linked to why children specifically are drawn to smartphones, such as entertainment, games, or peer pressure.
  • Position: The writer clearly states a position, arguing that the negative consequences outweigh the benefits. This position is maintained throughout the essay.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Organization: The essay is organized into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For example, the shift from discussing social media to online education could be better connected.
  • Cohesive Devices: There is some use of cohesive devices (e.g., "Moreover," "Furthermore"), but they are not always used effectively. More varied and precise linking words could enhance the flow of the essay.

Lexical Resource

  • Range: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with some attempts at using more complex words (e.g., "paramount importance," "detrimental"). However, there are several instances of incorrect word choice or form (e.g., "assess" instead of "access," "setting" instead of "sitting").
  • Accuracy: There are frequent spelling errors (e.g., "devises" instead of "devices") and some awkward phrasing (e.g., "it give them a sense of joy").

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Range: The essay includes a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. However, some complex sentences are not well-constructed, leading to confusion.
  • Accuracy: There are several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ("it give them"), incorrect article usage ("the technology"), and incorrect prepositions ("spend many time"). These errors can impede understanding.

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Task Achievement: Provide more specific reasons why children are attracted to smartphones, such as gaming, social interaction, or educational apps.
  2. Coherence and Cohesion: Use more varied and precise linking words to improve the flow between ideas and paragraphs.
  3. Lexical Resource: Pay attention to word choice and spelling. Consider using synonyms to avoid repetition and enhance vocabulary range.
  4. Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Focus on constructing grammatically correct sentences. Review subject-verb agreement, article usage, and prepositions to improve accuracy.

Overall, the essay presents a clear argument but would benefit from more precise language and improved grammatical accuracy to effectively convey the writer's ideas.