Question: Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones.
Why is this the case? Do you t...
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In the contemporary era, the technology has witnessed an unprecedented surge, reflecting a significant shift in people’s habits. Nowadays, smartphones have changed the face of the world and we see children spendspending a vast amount of time on smartphones. I argue that the negative consequences of using digital devisesdevices, particularly in termterms of social and personal life, far outweigh the benefits, making it a largely detrimental breakthrough.
Many researchers believe that the paramount importance of spending many hours inon smartphones is related to social media because they allowit allows them to establish cross-cultural friendships and also deep connections. So, they can get familiar with different individuals and it givegives them a sense of joy. Moreover, as technology develops nothing remains unchanged and the way children attend classclasses is no exception. Many proponents argue that one of the main reasons offor spending a lot of time on these cold-hard digital devisesdevices is due to the growth of online classclasses.
A debate has emerged about whether smart phones smartphonesare detrimental or not. Many supporters opine it can be beneficial in some aspects such as online education, and provide opportunities for those children that do not assess inhave access to quality training. While many proponents think a number of deficiencies are associated with using smart phonessmartphones. For instance, it can be significantly perilous for children's health, affecting not only mental health but also physical. They say loudly settingsitting for a long hours while children usinguse their smart gadgets can lead to dire consequences such as obesity, poor eyesight and spinal-related problems. Furthermore, in terms of mental issues a large number of scientists believe it may result in isolation.
In conclusion, times have changed and the ways of living have as well. These days, many children spend manymuch time on smart phones smartphonesand online education and social media are two crucial factors that contributes incontribute to this phenomenon. While many assert that it can be worthwhile, I firmly believe that the multitude of drawbacks derived from using a lot fromof digital devisesdevices do not represent a viable approach.
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Task Achievement
Response to the Prompt: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt by discussing why children spend hours on smartphones and evaluating whether this is a positive or negative development. However, the reasons provided could be more explicitly linked to why children specifically are drawn to smartphones, such as entertainment, games, or peer pressure.
Position: The writer clearly states a position, arguing that the negative consequences outweigh the benefits. This position is maintained throughout the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organization: The essay is organized into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For example, the shift from discussing social media to online education could be better connected.
Cohesive Devices: There is some use of cohesive devices (e.g., "Moreover," "Furthermore"), but they are not always used effectively. More varied and precise linking words could enhance the flow of the essay.
Lexical Resource
Range: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with some attempts at using more complex words (e.g., "paramount importance," "detrimental"). However, there are several instances of incorrect word choice or form (e.g., "assess" instead of "access," "setting" instead of "sitting").
Accuracy: There are frequent spelling errors (e.g., "devises" instead of "devices") and some awkward phrasing (e.g., "it give them a sense of joy").
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Range: The essay includes a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. However, some complex sentences are not well-constructed, leading to confusion.
Accuracy: There are several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ("it give them"), incorrect article usage ("the technology"), and incorrect prepositions ("spend many time"). These errors can impede understanding.
Suggestions for Improvement
Task Achievement: Provide more specific reasons why children are attracted to smartphones, such as gaming, social interaction, or educational apps.
Coherence and Cohesion: Use more varied and precise linking words to improve the flow between ideas and paragraphs.
Lexical Resource: Pay attention to word choice and spelling. Consider using synonyms to avoid repetition and enhance vocabulary range.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Focus on constructing grammatically correct sentences. Review subject-verb agreement, article usage, and prepositions to improve accuracy.
Overall, the essay presents a clear argument but would benefit from more precise language and improved grammatical accuracy to effectively convey the writer's ideas.