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Question: Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subj...

Click on red question marks (?) to see an explanation for each change. Some changes are only suggestions and don't mean the original is necessarily wrong.
Some students prefer to learn new lessons apart from their main subjects, while others believe that it is more essential to allocate all their time to studying for a qualification. Although learning new skills can be beneficial, lI believe that focusing on main subjects can be more significant for students’ career prospects. On one hand, the most compelling reason why students tend to learn new subjects is that it will lead them to personal developmentsdevelopment. If students gain new skills, they will be more talented in various fields. Leading, leading to an improvement in their confidence. For example, some students often try to learn a new language such as English, an international language, which is crucial for maintaining international interactions. Improving communication skills not only can boost their confidence but it also makes them acquire more competence in every aspectsaspect of their lives. On the other hand, the reason supporting this notion that students should focus on their main subjects and allocate all their time to it is that it can provide more job opportunities for them. The more students allot their time to studying an abilitya skill, the more they will be professional at it. As they can be more unlikely are less likely to be distracted by other subjects, they can improve their efficiency and productivity. Take students studying medicine, an important job for maintaining public health, for example; if they want to engage in learning a new subject such as art, they could not be successful in medicine; in contrast, focusing on their main subjects makes them more highly- skilled, which is an important factor in offering more job opportunities. In conclusion, while learning new subjects helphelps students improve their interpersonal skills, it is more beneficial for them to allot all their attention to studying for main subjects as it can make them more professional and provide them with more job opportunities.
This section presents vocabulary suggestions. Highlighted words are either too simple or are repeated more than 3 times . Please note that some suggested alternatives might require changes to other parts of the sentence.
This section presents a professionally wirtten variation of your essay and highlights the differences.
Some students prefer to learn new lessons apart from their main subjects, while others believe that it is more essential to allocate all their time to studying for a qualification. Although learning new skills can be beneficial, l believe that focusing on main subjects can be more significant for students’ career prospects.
Some students prefer to learn new subjects in addition to their main areas of study, while others believe it is more essential to dedicate all their time to preparing for a qualification. Although acquiring new skills can be beneficial, I believe that focusing on core subjects is more significant for students’ career prospects.
On one hand, the most compelling reason why students tend to learn new subjects is that it will lead them to personal developments. If students gain new skills, they will be more talented in various fields. Leading to improvement in their confidence. For example, some students often try to learn new language such as English, an international language, which is crucial for maintaining international interactions. Improving communication skills not only can boost their confidence but it also makes them acquire more competence in every aspects of their lives.
On one hand, a compelling reason for students to explore new subjects is that it can lead to personal development. By gaining new skills, students become more versatile in various fields, which can enhance their confidence. For example, many students strive to learn new languages, such as English, which is crucial for international communication. Improving communication skills not only boosts their confidence but also enables them to acquire greater competence in all aspects of their lives.
On the other hand, the reason supporting this notion that students should focus on their main subjects and allocate all their time to it is that it can provide more job opportunities for them. The more students allot their time to studying an ability, the more they will be professional at it. As they can be more unlikely to be distracted by other subjects, they can improve their efficiency and productivity. Take students studying medicine, an important job for maintaining public health, for example; if they want to engage in learning new subject such as art, they could not be successful in medicine; in contrast, focusing on their main subjects makes them more highly-skilled, which is an important factor in offering more job opportunities.
On the other hand, there are strong arguments for why students should concentrate on their main subjects and devote all their time to them. Focusing on core subjects can provide more job opportunities. The more time students invest in mastering a particular skill, the more proficient they will become. By minimizing distractions from other subjects, they can enhance their efficiency and productivity. For instance, consider students studying medicine, a vital profession for maintaining public health. If they divert their attention to learning a new subject, such as art, they may struggle to excel in medicine. In contrast, concentrating on their primary subjects allows them to become highly skilled, which is a crucial factor in securing more job opportunities.
In conclusion, while learning new subjects help students improve their interpersonal skills, it is more beneficial for them to allot all their attention to studying for main subjects as it can make them more professional and provide them with more job opportunities.
In conclusion, while learning new subjects can help students improve their interpersonal skills, it is more beneficial for them to focus their attention on core subjects, as this approach can enhance their professionalism and increase their job prospects.
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Overall Band Score
6.5
Overview
Vocabulary Range
average
Linking Words
average
Spelling
strong
Grammar Accuracy
average
Grammar Range
average
Cohesion
average
Paragraph Structure
average
Task Response
strong
Word Count
sufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

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Task Achievement

  • Response to the Prompt: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both views on whether university students should focus solely on their main subjects or also learn additional subjects.
  • Position: Your position is clear; you believe that focusing on main subjects is more beneficial for students' career prospects.
  • Examples and Support: You provide relevant examples, such as learning a new language and the case of medical students, to support your arguments. However, the examples could be more detailed to strengthen your points further.

Coherence and Cohesion

  • Structure: The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion.
  • Cohesion: Transition words and phrases like "on one hand," "on the other hand," and "in conclusion" are used effectively to guide the reader through the argument.
  • Paragraphing: Each paragraph focuses on a single idea, which helps maintain clarity and coherence.

Lexical Resource

  • Vocabulary: The vocabulary used is appropriate and varied. Words like "personal developments," "interpersonal skills," and "professional" are used correctly.
  • Range: There is a good range of vocabulary, but there is room for more sophisticated language to enhance the essay further.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  • Sentence Structure: The essay demonstrates a variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences, which is good.
  • Grammar: There are minor grammatical errors, such as "in every aspects" which should be "in every aspect," and "more highly-skilled" which could be simplified to "more skilled."
  • Punctuation: Punctuation is generally correct, but ensure consistency, especially with commas.

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Expand Examples: Provide more detailed examples to support your arguments. For instance, elaborate on how learning a new language can specifically impact career prospects.
  2. Enhance Vocabulary: Incorporate more advanced vocabulary to demonstrate a higher level of lexical resource.
  3. Grammar and Accuracy: Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and ensure all expressions are accurate.
  4. Balance: While your position is clear, ensure that both views are discussed with equal depth to show a balanced understanding of the topic.

Overall, the essay is well-written and effectively communicates your position on the topic. With some enhancements in vocabulary and example detail, it could be even stronger.