Question: In many countries nowadays, consumers can go to a supermarket and buy food produced all ov...
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It is true that in some parts of the world, people can easily purchase food whichthat is produced globally. While I believe this attitude could be negative, it has more advantages.
There are various positives regardless of this progress. Firstly, individuals could access simultaneously to all kindkinds of products whichthat are generated by factories. Secondly, people would consume different sortsorts of food whichthat is produced in other countries. For example, Chinese noodlenoodles and sushi, which isare extremely well-known, are found in many countries, and people could enjoy having them and knowinglearning about Chinese food culture. Finally, individuals could have various choices in order to purchasingpurchase food. For instance, vegetarian people who do not eat meat or egg,eggs could find different kindkinds of sources that isare suitable for them.
On the other hand, there are some drawbacks forto this development. If people tend to buy different kindkinds of products, this progress would increase consumerism. This process could contribute to rise the risingwaste of products which isthat are generated by people. For example, by consuming different food, the amount of waste whichthat is produced all over the world, will soar. Not only does it increase consumerism, but also it would risealso raise the amount of disposaldisposable waste. Research has shown that by the end of the 2050, the amount of food packingpackaging will have increased by up to 43%.
In conclusion, although it could affect consumerism badly, I think that it could benefit individuals.
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Task Achievement
Response to the Prompt: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the positive and negative aspects of the availability of globally produced food in supermarkets. However, the essay does not clearly state whether the development is predominantly positive or negative, which is crucial for a balanced argument.
Word Count: The essay falls short of the minimum word count requirement of 250 words. This limits the depth of analysis and the development of ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
Structure: The essay is organized into an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This is a logical structure, but the introduction could be more explicit in stating the writer's position.
Cohesion: The use of linking words such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "Finally" helps in organizing the points. However, transitions between ideas could be smoother, especially when moving from positive to negative aspects.
Paragraph Development: Each paragraph presents distinct ideas, but the development of these ideas is somewhat limited due to the short length of the essay.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary: The essay uses a range of vocabulary related to the topic, such as "consumerism," "waste," and "food culture." However, some phrases are awkwardly constructed, such as "individuals could access simultaneously to all kind of products."
Precision: There are instances where word choice could be more precise. For example, "attitude" in the introduction is not the best fit for the context.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Sentence Structure: The essay includes a mix of simple and complex sentences. However, some sentences are awkwardly structured, such as "individuals could have various choices in order to purchasing food."
Grammar: There are several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ("different kind of sources that is suitable") and incorrect verb forms ("rise the waste").
Punctuation: Punctuation is generally correct, but there are minor issues, such as missing commas in complex sentences.
Recommendations
Expand the Essay: Aim to meet the minimum word count by providing more detailed examples and explanations for each point.
Clarify Position: Clearly state your position in the introduction and ensure it is reflected consistently throughout the essay.
Improve Transitions: Use more varied and precise linking words to improve the flow between ideas and paragraphs.
Enhance Vocabulary: Work on using more precise and contextually appropriate vocabulary.
Review Grammar: Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, verb forms, and sentence structure to improve grammatical accuracy. Consider using grammar checking tools or seeking feedback from a teacher or peer.