Question: In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population i...

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The number of people travelling from countrysidesthe countryside toward capitals and big cities around the world is on the rise. This trend is causing problems for rural areas as well as bringing drawbacks to cities, which both of bothwhich require careful consideration. However, the negative aspects of this migratingmigration pattern deserve careful attention, which I will elaborate on in the following essay. On the one hand, as village settlers move to mega cities, the population of manpower in those remote areas will drop significantly, which havehas negative effects on both industries and local residents. First and foremost, in terms of the industrial aspect, the companies in such places encounter a lack of a sufficient workforce because the skilled workers have travelled to big cities in search of better job prospects and higher income. In this context, employers are obliged to pay higher wages to adept workerworkers for commuting long distances from other adjacent towns, which has a direct detrimental influence on the domestic economy. AdditionalyAdditionally, this trend not only poses a threat to organisations, but also forces locals to face the consequences of this situation. For example, if a person wants to repair impaired equipment in their house in those remote regions, they will have to bring in an expert from anotherother cities within the country, which is undoubtedly costly and daunting. On the flip side, as a result of the growing population rate in destination cities, concerns including poorer air quality, a polluted environment, and a lack of decent jobs for city dwellers are inevitable. As an illustration, the more citizens work, the more fossil fuel is needed to operate private and public transport vehicles, which considerably contributes to pollution in the weatheratmosphere and environment due to emitting a high amount of carbon dioxide and exhaust emissions. Furthermore, as demands for jobs escalate in overcrowded capital cities, the unemployment rate will assuredly surge, necessitating immediate measures to address the issue; otherwise, negative outcomes become impossible to mend. In conclusion, as indicated above, the migration of people from rural areas to urban ones is considered an undesirable process that has multifaceted drawbacks for both environments, such as increasing the unemployment rate in metropolises along with decreasing the workforce in remote regions. I firmly believe this pattern is the last thing every nation wants.
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Overall Band Score
7
Overview
Vocabulary Range
strong
Linking Words
strong
Spelling
average
Grammar Accuracy
average
Grammar Range
strong
Cohesion
strong
Paragraph Structure
strong
Task Response
strong
Word Count
sufficient
While we are confident in our score estimation, you are not guaranteed to receive the same score in an official test.

Task Achievement

The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the negative impacts of rural-to-urban migration on rural areas and cities. The writer provides a clear stance, stating that this migration trend is undesirable and elaborates on the reasons for this viewpoint. However, the essay could benefit from a more balanced discussion by briefly acknowledging any potential positive aspects of urban migration, even if the overall stance remains negative.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay is well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph has a clear main idea, and the progression of ideas is logical. The use of linking words and phrases such as "on the one hand," "on the flip side," and "in conclusion" helps to guide the reader through the argument. However, the transition between discussing the impacts on rural areas and cities could be smoother. Consider using a sentence to bridge these two sections more effectively.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with appropriate use of terms such as "manpower," "industrial aspect," "detrimental influence," and "exhaust emissions." There are a few minor spelling errors, such as "Additionaly" instead of "Additionally," and "from another cities" should be "from other cities." Paying attention to these details can enhance the overall quality of the writing.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

The essay generally uses a variety of sentence structures effectively, including complex sentences. However, there are some grammatical inaccuracies that need attention. For example, "which have negative effects" should be "which has negative effects," and "necessitating immediate measures to address the issue; otherwise, negative outcomes become impossible to mend" could be rephrased for clarity. Ensuring subject-verb agreement and refining sentence structures will improve the grammatical accuracy of the essay.

Suggestions for Improvement

  1. Balance the Argument: Briefly mention any potential positive aspects of urban migration to provide a more balanced view, even if the overall stance remains negative.

  2. Smooth Transitions: Improve the transition between discussing the impacts on rural areas and cities for better coherence.

  3. Attention to Detail: Correct minor spelling and grammatical errors to enhance clarity and accuracy.

  4. Sentence Refinement: Rephrase complex sentences for better clarity and ensure subject-verb agreement throughout the essay.

Overall, the essay presents a clear argument with relevant examples, but addressing these areas can further strengthen the response.